**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know who the bad guy/girl/demon is.
From the Back of the Book: It's getting closer to graduation. And the kids at Shadyside High are terrified. Who's responsible for the senior curse? Is Count Clarkula really a vampire? Will anyone be alive to graduate? Find out the answers to these questions and more in this action-packed conclusion to the most horrifying senior year in history.
TRIGGER WARNING: several animals are killed in this book. I won't be describing it in detail but it will be mentioned.
This book was published in 1999 and this is my first time reading it. It the final book in the series. The other books will be linked below.
The beginning of each book gives us a “yearbook” with all the characters. I'll summarize.
Trisha – lists her likes as shopping and her dislikes as “rich girl jokes”
Clark – lists his likes as Debra and his dislikes as garlic
Jennifer – lists her likes as basketball and her dislikes as being a Fear in a Fear-hating town
Jade💀(RIP) – lists
her likes as cheerleading and her dislikes as ghosts
Gary💀(RIP) – lists his likes as art class and his dislikes as cops
Kenny – lists his likes as Jade and his dislikes as kids who torture camp counselors
Debra💀(RIP) – lists
her likes as Clark's poems and her dislikes as possessive boyfriends
Stacy – lists her likes as sports and her dislikes as pyscho killers
Josh – lists his likes as Debra and his dislikes as funeral homes (uh oh, that's two for Debra)
Josie – lists her likes as standard goth fare and her dislikes as being compared to stepbrother Josh
Mickey – lists his likes as partying and his dislikes as studying
Marla💀(RIP)– lists
her likes as writing and her dislikes as goth girls and the dark arts
Mary – lists her likes as running and her dislikes as rich girls
Dana – lists her likes as boys and her dislikes as “private cheerleading performances”
Deirdre💀(RIP)–
lists her likes as mysterious guys and her dislikes as “being a
good girl” (Dana's twin BTW)
Will – lists his likes as clubbing and his dislikes as the clinic
Ty💀(RIP) – lists his
likes as cheerleaders and his dislikes as Valentine's Day
Clarissa – lists her likes as art and her dislikes as Mira
Matty – lists his likes as computers and his dislikes as “people who can't take a joke”
Phoebe – lists her likes as cheerleading and her dislikes as liars and vans
Mira😷(Currently Institutionalized) - lists her likes as band boys and her dislikes as psychics
Greta💀(RIP) - lists
her likes as football players and her dislikes as ceramics
Danielle💀(RIP) - lists her likes as dancing and her dislikes as being cold
Justin💀(RIP) – lists
his likes as The Beastie Boys and his dislikes as being chased by Ty
and Gary
In the last book. Jennifer wished a perfect prom date into existence who wasn't exactly perfect. He stabbed Gary to death before spontaneously combusting in a lake. Not much else happened to be real. It was a very nothing book.
We begin the book with Josie. She's shopping with Jennifer-the-fake-Fear for an outfit to wear to the upcoming graduation party. Suddenly Jennifer disappears and everything starts turning red. To her horror, she's standing in a sticky pool of thick red goo that I think is supposed to be blood. There are grinning skulls everywhere and Jennifer knows that she is about to die.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
It was just a dream. Yay. I love it when I waste five minutes of my life reading a prologue that's just a dream.
PART ONE
We begin with Josie, Stacy and Matty waiting around after school for the delivery of the yearbooks. Stacy is pretty upset and thinks that it will be hard to look at the pictures of all the people who have died. That turns out to be the case when the yearbooks finally arrive and Josie opens hers up to see all the photos of the dead people have been changed to grinning skulls.
{{{GASP}}}
I guess this wasn't a LOLZ. The pictures were actually changed. Stacy says there's no way they can distribute them now and wonders who changed the pictures before the books were printed but Josie just gets mad and stomps off because she's helpful that way. She's stomping through the halls when Dana catches up to her looking upset. Dana says she doesn't think she can go to the graduation party because she's just too upset about her sister's death. Which is weird because last book she was fine to go to prom. CONTINUITY MATTERS, STINE.
Josie encourages Dana to come to the party anyway because it's the last time many of them will see each other before they go their separate ways. Dana doesn't respond and just walks off. Josie leans against a locker and spends the next few pages recapping the first book for us because she thinks she can do my fucking job. She reminds us about the Doom Spell and the evil skeleton man. Blah blah blah. She's remembering the chaos of when the evil thing killed everyone at the party but not really when she sees it coming toward her.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
It was just Matty. Totally honest mistake. He points out Clark's photo in the yearbook. Or lack of photo because it's completely blank. He says he went back and checked the yearbook negatives (WHY DO THEY HAVE THOSE?) and all the pictures taken of Clark are blank. Then how does he know they were pictures of Clark? This makes no fucking sense. Matty thinks this proves Clark is a vampire after all. I can't believe we're coming back to this plot point.
We skip ahead to the next day. Josie hears Trisha scream and sees her running, covered in blood, with Clark directly behind her. Oh noes! Clark is a vampire after all.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
Trisha cut herself on a piece of broken glass while arranging things in a display case. Clark nearly faints at the sight of blood which would make him a pretty crappy vampire. He and Josie take Trisha to the nurse and then Clark dips. Josie waits for Trisha to get all bandaged and then she walks her to class. On the way, Trisha has another vision of the entire graduating class in coffins and I don't know why they get so upset about this. She's already had this vision. Everyone knows about this vision. This vision is a repeat.
PART TWO
Now we're in Clark's head. He's at the mall looking for something to wear to the graduation party. He's very unsure when it comes to fashion which is why he just wears black all the time. But he wants to surprise everyone by wearing something different to the party. He runs into Matty who tells him about the blank yearbook pictures. Clark knows what he's getting at and tells Matty that he's not a vampire. He doesn't mind if people think so, though, because it gives him an air of mystery and the girls seem to like it. He tells Matty that Trisha is going on a date with him the next night.
She got over Gary fast. He was kind of an asshole though.
Matty is still concerned so Clark says he can prove he's not a vampire. He asks Matty to come somewhere with him and then leads him to the parking lot. Um....they were in a department store with fitting rooms. Why didn't he just step in front of a mirror? Sigh. Clark drives Matty back to his house. He takes him up to the bedroom and then locks the door behind them.
Um...Stine? What kind of book are we reading here?
Clark starts to scare Matty by describing how thirsty seeing Trisha's blood earlier made him. He tells Matty that he's going to erase Matty's memories so he doesn't remember any of this and then he bites Matty's wrist and drinks his blood.
Wait.
What?
He's really a fucking vampire?
Are you kidding me?
PART THREE
We're back with Josie studying for finals. She's resentful that Josh doesn't have to study at all to make straight A's. She starts to doze off and then is awakened by the sound of someone coughing. It's the evil skeleton thing coming to tell her that he isn't finished yet. She tells him he's just a dream and he proves he isn't by covering her scalp in maggots.
I hate my life.
Josie takes a shower and washes all the maggots down the drain. I hate Stine so hard. Then she wraps herself in a towel and goes to pound on Josh's door. Why doesn't she get dressed first? Or put on a robe or something. You're in a towel, girl. She tells Josh about the Doom Spell and the evil skeleton thing and moving time back an hour so that everyone wouldn't really die at the party. It's the second review this book and I'm starting to think that Stine is padding his page count. Josh believes her and vows to help her figure out what to do.
Just kidding.
He pretends like he believes her and then goes to their parents to tell them that Josie needs mental help. I honestly don't blame him. Josie makes a run for Jennifer-the-fake-Fear's house so they can't have her hospitalized. Once she gets to Jennifer's house, they call Trisha over too. Trisha arrives with brownies and the news that she's now dating Clark. Jennifer spills the beans about Trisha being a real Fear and then we get a review of that too. Sigh. Josie then gives us our third review of the Doom Spell and the evil thing and turning back time an hour to save everyone.
I'm literally going insane now.
Josie and Jennifer aren't every happy that Josie didn't tell them all this sooner. Josie says they need to go back into the library to find the spell book and stop this thing. The problem is that all the books are gone. Mrs Fear sold them all to get them out of the house.
We skip ahead to the next afternoon. The seniors are having an assembly to get their awards. The principal orders the school flag to be unfurled and as it comes dramatically down, Phoebe's body comes down with it. She's hanging upside down by her feet from the rafters.
Stine doesn't bother to tell us how she died or how she got in the rafters because he's Stine.
PART FOUR
We're with Josh now. It's after Phoebe's funeral so she's really and truly dead. Mickey, Matty and Josh decide to take a long ride to kind of clear their heads. Josh tells them how worried he is about Josie and how he really thinks she's cracking up under the strain of the year. She's going to counseling now which isn't a bad idea even though she's telling the truth about the evil thing. So many of her friends have died this year and that will mess you up even without a Doom Spell.
The boys drive until they get to Fear Woods and then Josh stops the car. They walk to the lake and sit around and talk for a bit but nothing notable comes up. Mickey ends up catching a bat in his bare hands and that's just a good way to get rabies. He wants to set it free in Clark's room as some kind of joke.
This......this is the dumbest thing I've ever read. Stine finally accomplished it.
They drive over to Clark's house with the bat and break into his house through a window. When they get to Clark's room, Mickey wants to snoop a bit and they end up getting caught by Clark who doesn't seem too annoyed at them. He asks them how they got in and Mickey says they brought him a present. Clark takes the bat from them and kills it, drinking its blood. They all freak out and Clark calmly tells them that he's clouding their minds and they won't remember any of this in a minute.
Sure enough, they all forget the part where Clark killed the bat. Clark tells them that the bat flew out the open window and they believe him. They decide to leave but Clark asks Matty to stay behind and he does. Mickey and Josh are pretty confused by this but Matty seems willing to stay and hang out with Clark so they just leave.
PART FIVE
We're back with Josie. She's having a nightmare that all her dead friends are begging her to help them. She ends up screaming in her sleep and her mom comes in to wake her up. Her mom tells her that she's going to have to start seeing a counselor which means they told Josh before they told Josie AND they decided to have the conversation with her in the middle of the night after a nightmare. Awesome.
The next day, Josie drags Josh to the mall after school to do some shopping for their graduation party. He ditches her immediately to chase after some girl. Josie sees Jennifer in the distance and waves at her. Jennifer calls out to her that Trisha is dead.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
Jennifer didn't say that at all. Josie just hallucinated it or something.
We skip into Josh's head. He's caught up to the girl. Her name is Rosanna and apparently they went to camp together four years ago. She's with a girl named Katrina that Josh thinks is super hot. Rosanna dips to go find her boyfriend and Josh is left with Katrina. They make awkward small talk and then he asks her out. She agrees immediately but when she finds out where he goes to school, she decides she can't date him after all. She says Shadyside is cursed and she's worried she might die if she goes out with him. This seems valid to me. She runs off leaving Josh feeling very sorry for himself. He starts to look for Josie but sees Debra instead. You know....the one who died a bunch of books ago. He's shocked and reaches out to grab her but it turns out to be a strange woman who starts to yell for the police.
We skip ahead to Josie's appointment with the counselor. She tells us that Josh believes her now that he saw dead Debra in the mall. It makes her feel a little better. She gets called back for her appointment and we're treated to another review as Josie tells the entire story to the psychiatrist. I feel like this is our fifth review in 100 pages. Sigh. The psychiatrist gets up and locks the door and then she pulls her face off and Josie realizes it's the evil skeleton thing. The evil skeleton thing pulls Josie closer and consumes her. Josie feels incredible pain and then nothing as she dies.
{{{GASP}}}
PART SIX
LOLZ
She's not dead. She's sitting on the floor of the psychiatrist's office, behind a curtain or something. The receptionist comes in and asks her how she got in there. Josie says she was called back for her appointment but the receptionist tells her that the psychiatrist called in sick and they've been trying to reach Josie all day to tell her. Josie runs from the office which is a totally normal reaction and won't arouse suspicion in the receptionist at all. I bet that woman is checking the office to see if Josie stole anything.
Josie gets out to the car and reaches for the door handle. It's super hot and burns her hand. She jerks back and looks inside the car. The evil skeleton thing is behind the wheel. Suddenly the car explodes.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
It didn't. It was another hallucination. I'm starting to feel like this entire fucking series is just a hallucination. Can we get that lucky?
We skip ahead to graduation rehearsal. Mickey is flirting with some random girl behind Dana's back. As usual. Trisha and Clark are cuddled up. Everything seems pretty normal but then the back door opens and all the dead students file in wearing their caps and gowns. Everyone in the auditorium is horrified as the smell of rotting flesh fills the room. People start screaming and running for the doors. They make it out into the parking lot where general chaos ensues.
Trisha catches up with Josie and they try to come up with some kind of plan to fight the evil. Josie thinks they need to do another spell and Trisha needs to help since she's a genuine Fear. The only problem is that the books are gone. Josie suggests they go to the burned down Fear mansion in the woods. Trisha is reluctant but eventually agrees to give it a shot.
They get to the burned out mansion deep in the woods. Trisha has another one of her famous visions about some kind of door with a crack in it. They approach the house and quickly find the door in the vision. When they open it, they are sucked inside into some other dimension. It's cold and dark and the door disappears so there is no way out. There's a skeleton in the room but he quickly morphs into a handsome young man.
The skeleman introduces himself as Henry Conrad. He says he's Trisha's great-grandfather and he's trapped in this evil dimension being pursued by the Fear family. He asks them to help him get out of there and, if they do, he'll help them fight the evil skeleton thing. For some reason these two dumb bitches believe him. He tells them that he will lead them to the door but they have to open it for him and let him out. So....all that happens. He takes off after that, telling them that he'll be back when they need him. They just have to say “I summon thee”.
PART SEVEN
We spend one chapter in Clark's head as he tells us over and over how thirsty he is. He wants to drink from Trisha but keeps getting interrupted by a series of stupid things. Finally he takes her home and ends up drinking from her poor kitten instead.
Now we're with Josh. He and Josie are setting up for the big party that's happening BEFORE graduation for some reason. Someone knocks on the door and it's Trisha and Matty. They tell Josh and Josie that Clark really IS a vampire. Matty remembers Clark drinking his blood because the mind erasing spell didn't quite work on him. Trisha saw his fangs the night before and then found her dead kitten that morning. They decide they need to kill Clark.
Trisha calls him and asks him to come over to Josie's early so they can spend some time together before the party. Clark eagerly agrees. When he arrives, Matty takes him into the den, stakes him through the heart and kills him. They're all pretty happy about it and decide it's time to party.
The party is pretty subdued. Everyone is just hoping to survive the graduation the next day and no one really feels like whopping it up. They're all just kind of standing around when the door blows open and the evil skeleton thing appears. He says he was summoned by the Doom Spell and now he's here to finish his job.
The evil skeleton thing freezes everyone but Josie and then shows her what he intends to do to all her friends. He's going to rip Jennifer's arms off and strangle her with them. He's going to break Stacy's neck. He's going to pull Josh's insides out of his mouth. He's going to crush Josh's skull and stick his fingers through Trisha's eye sockets into her brain. Josie says the magic words to summon Henry but it turns out that Henry is just another evil thing and he combines with the original evil skeleton thing to make something twice as powerful.
Stupid bitches.
Suddenly Clark comes out of the den. Matty reveals that he couldn't actually kill Clark because Clark made him a vampire too. The two of them hover in the air over the evil skeleton thing and this is so fucking stupid that I just want to cry. Clark says that the evil of the vampires is older than the evil of the spirit so therefore they are alpha. Matty and Clark kill the evil skeleton thing and turn into a mist or something and blow out the front door.
This is so stupid.
Now it's graduation day. Everything seems to go okay. After the ceremony, Kenny pulls Josie aside. Suddenly he changes into the evil skeleton thing. EST says Kenny gave him this body to use to finish his work. Then he says “Happy graduation, Josie” and the book ends.
We got cheated out of an ending, y'all. We read TWELVE OF THESE FUCKING BOOKS AND WE GOT CHEATED OUT OF AN ENDING. STINE SUCKS!!!!!
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