Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens (or doesn't fucking happen) so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know who the bad.......fuck it. Nothing happens in this book.
Tag Line: Take it or die.From the Back of the Book: Caught! Mr Morley is so nice when he catches Mary O' Connor stealing a test. He doesn't tell. He doesn't fail her. She just has to do him a favor....But helping Mr Morley isn't as easy as it seems. In fact, it could kill her!
This book was published in 1998 and this is my first time reading it. It's the fifth book in the series and there's no way I'm going to review four stupid books so I'll be linking my recaps instead. Enjoy.
Book One is here......
Book Two is here.....
Book Three is here.....
Book Four is here....
The beginning of each book gives us a
“yearbook” with all the characters. I'll summarize.
Trisha – lists her likes as
shopping and her dislikes as “rich girl jokes”
Clark – lists his likes as
Debra and his dislikes as garlic
Jennifer – lists her likes as
basketball and her dislikes as being a Fear in a Fear-hating town
Jade – lists her likes as
cheerleading and her dislikes as ghosts
Gary – lists his likes as art
class and his dislikes as cops
Kenny – lists his likes as
Jade and his dislikes as kids who torture camp counselors
Stacy – lists her likes as
sports and her dislikes as pyscho killers
Josh – lists his likes as
Debra and his dislikes as funeral homes (uh oh, that's two for Debra)
Josie – lists her likes as
standard goth fare and her dislikes as being compared to stepbrother
Josh
Mickey – lists his likes as
partying and his dislikes as studying
Marla – lists her likes as
writing and her dislikes as goth girls
Mary – lists her likes as
running and her dislikes as rich girls
Dana – lists her likes as boys
and her dislikes as “private cheerleading performances”
Deidre – lists her likes as
mysterious guys and her dislikes as “being a good girl”
(Dana's twin BTW)
Will – lists his likes as
clubbing and his dislikes as the clinic
Ty – lists his likes as
cheerleaders and his dislikes as Valentine's Day
Clarissa – lists her likes as
art and her dislikes as Mira
Matty – lists his likes as
computers and his dislikes as “people who can't take a joke”
Phoebe – lists her likes as
cheerleading and her dislikes as liars
Mira – lists her likes as band
boys and her dislikes as psychics
Greta – lists her likes as
football players and her dislikes as ceramics
Justin – lists his likes as
The Beastie Boys and his dislikes as having his face shoved in the
toilet
As you can see, Stine cheated and added people to the stupid yearbook just so he could cross them off later. I call foul.
In the last book, Clarissa used a
telephone psychic and clues from a 👻ghost👻 to solve the murder of her
sister Justine. Debra knew too much and was eliminated but no one
really seemed to care. Mira turned out to be the bad guy. She
murdered Justine because Justine was dating Will who Mira was
obsessed with. In the end, Mira ended up in a mental institution and
Clarissa ended up dating Will despite her admitted crush on Josh.
We begin with Mary in the guidance
counselor's office. She's been having some troubles in school lately
but Mary says it isn't that bad. As long as she does well on her
midterms, she'll still pass her classes. The GC brings up Mary's
shoplifting hobby and Mary tells us that she's on probation for
stealing a pair of jeans and a pair of earrings during the summer.
According to the terms of her probation, she has to check in with the GC
once a week.
After she leaves the office, she runs
into her best friend Stacy. Stacy suggests they go to the mall for
the afternoon but Mary is reluctant. She hasn't been to the mall
since the shoplifting incident. Stacy says she needs to face her
demons so she eventually agrees to go. She's a little paranoid about going back
to the scene of the crime (a store named Rage) but Stacy seems really
intent on going. She's a very supportive friend, y'all. \\sarcasm font// There are some ribbed cardigans or something in Rage that
Stacy is really drooling over. Mary finally agrees to go in and
check them out.
Mary finds a black cardigan that she
thinks will look smashing with her red hat. She thinks that Gary
will be sorry he dumped her if he sees her in that sweater. So I
guess Gary the Cheaterpants has finally made his choice. Honestly,
Mary, you're better off. Stacy finds two different cardigans and
goes to try them on but Mary decides not to bother trying on hers. There's a long
line and she's sure the sweater will fit so she skips the dressing room entirely. She's standing around waiting for Stacy when she feels eyes
on her. Standing just outside the store is a gorgeous blonde guy.
She's so taken with him that she heads his way, completely forgetting
she hasn't paid for the sweater. Luckily a salesperson stops her
before she actually shoplifts again.
Unluckily, the salesperson who stopped
her is the same one who caught her shoplifting a few months ago. She
recognizes Mary and Mary panics. She's throws the sweater at the
lady and goes running from the store. As she's turning a corner, she
runs directly into the blonde hottie from before. He seems startled
and goes racing off before she can say anything to him.
We skip ahead in time and suddenly Mary
is at school again. She needs to stay after to talk to Mr Morley.
She tells us that Morley is extremely hot and all the girls have a
thing for him but her relationship with him is special. They talk about all
kinds of things and he always knows what to say to make her feel
better. She could use a little bit of 'feel better' right now so
she's going to get her fix. Along the way she comes across Gary the
Cheaterpants making out with Trisha right there in the hall. Mary is
crushed.
She goes to Morley's room and tells him
she's having a bad day. He's all kind and understanding and she
soaks it right up. He mentions her struggles with school and tells
her that he hopes she's prepared for his midterm tomorrow. She
isn't. He says it will be a tough test but he feels like they'll be
up for it. She's isn't so sure. Then he leaves to go get a cup of
coffee and she notices a folder labeled “Midterms” right on his
desk. Quickly she takes one and then hears a noise at the door.
Morley is standing there and she's sure he saw her.
{{{GASP}}}
I don't know if this one is a LOLZ or
not. I assume not but Morley comes in playing like he didn't just
see her take the test. He asks her a question about Gary and Trisha
who I assume he must have seen making out in the hall just now. She
ducks the question, telling him that she really needs to rush to
track practice. She slips the test into her bag and then beats it
the hell out of there.
We're several days in the future now
and it's time for the midterms to be handed back. Mary is surprised
when hers doesn't have a grade on it. It just has “See me”
across the top. She prepares herself for the worst. Sure enough,
Morley tells her that he knows she took one of the tests from his
desk. At first, he's very sympathetic and tells her that he
understands that she's been under a lot of stress and pressure
lately. Mary starts to relax. Then he asks her for a favor.
He gives her some big story about the
physics teacher borrowing a jacket from him months ago. He never
returned it and, in fact, wears it practically every day. Morley
tells her if she gets the jacket back AND writes two makeup papers,
he'll forget about her stealing the test. She agrees because she's
dumb.
Odds that the jacket really belongs to
Morley: 10%
Seriously??? Could that have been any
dumber? All he would have to say is “Yo, physics teach,
give me back my heckin jacket.” It doesn't make sense that he'd
need a student to steal it back for him.
Morley tells Mary that the physics
teacher is busy with a club meeting and now might be the ideal time
for her to steal his jacket back. Mary trusts this and heads right
for the physics classroom. To no one's actual surprise, there is no
club meeting and the teacher catches her trying to steal his jacket.
She immediately tells him that she's just taking it to back to Morley
since it belongs to him and the physics teacher is having none of
that. He says he knows about Mary's “little problem” and
stealing from a teacher is a very serious offense. Since it's after
school has ended on Friday, he tells her to meet him in the
principal's office on Monday. She says that Morley can clear
everything up, but when they go to his classroom, Morley is gone and
all the lights are out.
Mary runs home to look up Morley's name
in the phone book.
He lives on Fear Street, naturally.
She calls him and tells him everything that happened. She asks if
he'll back her up when the physics teacher reports her to the
principal. He says he isn't sure that would help. He's known to
have students' backs when it comes to quarrels with the
faculty and the principal is likely to think he's just
covering for Mary who is a known shoplifter. Mary insists that he
tell the teacher and principal that she was doing it at his request
and Morley changes tactics. He says that he could lose his job over
this and Mary is horrified. She doesn't want him to lose his job.
She laments that they need to come up with some kind of plan and he
asks her to come to his house the next morning so they can discuss
it.
Mary, sweetie, this is one of
situations that they do after school specials warning people about.
We skip to the next morning. Mary
takes a bus to Fear Street so she can meet with Morley. Along the
way she's thinking about her father who she hasn't seen for five
years. I have no idea if he's related to this story or not. (((Note from future me: He is not. This was garbage filler to pad Stine's word count.))) When
she arrives at Morley's house, she knocks but no one answers. She
notices the door is ajar and just goes right in which is how 65% of
horror movies start. She hears movement in the house and is shocked
when the blonde boy from the mall appears down the hall.
The boy's name is Rob and he
tells Mary that he works for Morley doing odd jobs and errands.
Morley had to step out but he's expected back in 5-10 minutes so Rob
invites Mary to wait inside. She mentions seeing him at the mall and
he apologizes for running away like he did. He was late for work and
Morley doesn't tolerate tardiness very well. Rob graduated from high
school last year in another city but hasn't figured out what he wants
to do with his life. Morley is a friend of the family and he offered
to let Rob stay in his guest cottage in exchange for being his
lackey.
Wow......a teacher has a guest cottage? I want to teach in Shadyside.
Mary and Rob flirt a bit and then Rob
asks her out. They make arrangements to meet at Pete's Pizza at
seven to eat and then they'll go see the new Mel Gibson film. Mary
says it's supposed to be “really funny” and I was curious
so I went to Internet Movie Database and looked up the Mel Gibson
film for 1998. It was Lethal Weapon 4. I only watched the
first one in the series and it was kind of funny but more of an
action movie. Maybe the 4th one was just a barrel of
laughs. Anyway, they're talking about the date and suddenly Rob gets
ominous because the end of the chapter is approaching. He tells her
that Morley might not like them going out together and then he leans
really close to tell her a big, dark secret about Morley.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
We find out nothing. They hear a key
turning in the lock and realize that Morley has returned. Morley
tells Rob to get to work on something out back and then he takes Mary
into his office. He tells her that he's given the matter a lot of
thought and he thinks they just need to tell the truth. Mary is
instantly distraught. She's scared Morley will be fired and she
protests that she doesn't him to suffer for this. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS
HIS IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE. Morley says it will complicate things
because there is another “matter” that is plaguing him.
Mary presses him to tell her his
troubles and he eventually says that he's having problems with the
other Social Studies teacher Ms Wilson. Wilson hasn't been
very chummy with him since he arrived and refuses to share lesson
plans or something equally stupid. He said that she's written a
letter to the Board of Education requesting that he be terminated
immediately and she's holding it in her room just waiting for him to
slip up. He's afraid this little incident with the jacket may just
give her the incentive she's been looking for to mail the letter.
Mary is horrified. She tells Morley that he needs to get that letter
so she can't send it. Because she'd never be able to write a second
one, obviously. In Mary's mind this letter is a one-time thing that
could never be reproduced. Morley tells her he can't get caught
going through another teacher's desk and Mary volunteers to get it
for him.
Morley makes a big show of telling her
that it's not her job to save him and he'll just hope for the best
and then he ushers her out of his house.
This is so stupid. How is Mary falling for any of this? These have to be the stupidest scenarios I've ever heard.
We skip to that evening. Mary meets
Rob at Pete's and tries to get him to finish telling her the big
secret about Morley. Rob brushes it off, though, and pretends it was
nothing important. They have first date chatter about their lives
and families and it's pretty boring so I'll spare you. Pretty much
the entire class is there – including Gary and Trisha – and Mary
is happy for them all to see her with Rob. She spots Stacy having
dinner with Ty and excuses herself for a minute to say 'hi'. I'm not
really sure why, though because she only spends about 30 seconds at
their table.
Oh, I know why.
When she gets back to her table, Rob
tells her they're going to pull a "dine and dash" and he yells at her
to run. Startled and dismayed, she begins to run after him but the
waitress screams at her to stop. Mary is sure she's been caught
stealing again.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
The waitress just wanted to give her
the jacket that she left behind and Rob actually paid for their pizza
while she was talking to Stacy. It was just a joke. She forgives
him because he doesn't know about her shoplifting arrest and they end
up kissing on the sidewalk outside of Pete's.
Now we've hopped to Monday morning
before school starts. Mary is there so early that the hallways are
completely deserted. She goes to Morley's room first to ask him what
they are going to do. Morley tells her that he talked to the physics
teacher and cleared everything up. He's still worried that Wilson
will use this as an opportunity to send her letter and get him fired
but he implores Mary not to think about it. This is very good
manipulation on his part.
Mary is super worried about Morley
getting in trouble so she decides to steal the letter from Wilson's
room. She pours some orange juice on the floor outside of her locker
but I honest to God don't know why....
.....and then she goes into Wilson's
room. It takes her awhile to figure out where the letter is but she
eventually finds it and stuffs it into her bag. She leaves the room
and then a voice yells out to her from down the hall saying “I know
what you did!”
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
It's just the janitor pissed off about
her spilling the orange juice. Honestly I am too because I can't
figure out why she did it. Mary apologizes to the janitor and then
takes the letter back to Morley. He reads it and tells Mary that
they have a bigger problem. It's apparently the third in a series of
letters of supposed “evidence” against Morley. The other two are
apparently in her house. He tells Mary that she's going to have to
break into Wilson's house to steal the other two letters. When she
balks, he tells her she has to do it or he'll report her for cheating
and tell everyone that it was her idea to steal the jacket and he
just covered for her.
Mary is shook, y'all. Stealing the
test will get her expelled and kicked off the track team but stealing
the jacket actually violates her parole and it's a serious offense.
Morley tells her that Wilson will be at a faculty meeting from 7-8:30
that night so she'll have an opportunity then.
Odds that Wilson will really be at a
faculty meeting in the fucking evening: 10%
I mean, seriously. Those bitches
happen either before school, directly after school or on inservice
days. I might buy that it's a PTA/PTO meeting because those are
actually in the evening and a teacher representative always attends
but no school has staff meetings in the evening. Teachers would
revolt damn fast.
Mary gets there a little before 7:00
and she can see someone moving around in the house. She tells
herself that she just needs to wait until Wilson leaves the house and
then she can go in and get the letters and get out. I don't know how
she expects to find the letters in this house. There's no telling
where they might be and the number of hiding places in an entire
house is way bigger than the number of hiding places in a classroom.
This is a futile mission from the beginning and Mary is too stupid to
even realize it.
As she's hiding out in the bushes like
some kind of creepy stalker, Rob comes up. He says Morley told him
about Mary's little assignment and he's come to stop her. She argues
with him for a bit, insisting that she has to do this or she'll go to
jail. He gives up trying to talk her out of it and simply says he's
going to come with her. She doesn't dissuade him even though she
knows it's a risky thing for him to do. She doesn't want to be
alone.
Wilson leaves and the two of them gain
entry into her house through a basement window. Somehow, Rob seems to
know that she has an office on the second floor and he leads Mary
pretty much directly to it. This seems suspicious to me.
Odds that Rob is in on whatever this
is: 60%
They start to go through the office and
Mary eventually finds a folder that has MORLEY written across it in
big letters.
She opens it up to find two different
typed letters that are both addressed to the State Board of
Education. They both say that Wilson has no proof but she believes
that Morley killed two students at his previous school in cold blood.
Mary is horrified.
Odds that the letters were planted: 60%
Mary and Rob are standing there pretty
much in shock at what they found when they hear the door open
downstairs and voices come into the house. Mary was expecting her
intel to be accurate and Wilson to be gone for an hour and a half so
she's shocked that Wilson is home early. They try to climb out the
window because the front porch is directly under it and they think
they can get down safely that way. Mary gets through but Wilson
comes into the room before Rob can get through. He's caught and
yells at Mary to run away. She does, hearing police sirens screaming
down the street. Wow, Shadyside has a VERY responsive police
department. I call #Bullshit. There's no way Wilson even had time
to dial 911 and give her address that quick. Nice try, Stine.
Mary is hiding in some bushes by the
fence waiting to see what happens with Rob when Morley rocks up
wearing a trench coat. He says Rob called him from jail and asked
for bail money and I call #Bullshit again. Barely any time has
passed. There's no way they arrested him, booked him and put him in
a cell already. Mary begs Morley to bail Rob out and Morley says
he'll consider it after he has the letters.
Unfortunately Mary dropped the letters
in Wilson's office. She doesn't have them. She tells Morley what
they say and he isn't too surprised. She begs him again to bail Rob
out and he tells her he doesn't need to do a damn thing to help
either one of them because they were too incompetent to do the one
thing he asked them to do. Mary is afraid he might actually kill her
now that she knows the big secret.
Morley tells her he's going to give her
one last chance. If she'll meet him at noon in his classroom
tomorrow, they can discuss what she can do to make this all up to
him. I'm sure it's not supposed to sound pervy but it sounds VERY
pervy.
Mary goes home and tries to fall
asleep. At some point in the middle of the night, the phone rings
and it's Rob. He says he's in jail but Morley told him that he'll
bail Rob out tomorrow afternoon if all goes well. Mary takes this to
mean that Morley will bail out Rob if she does what he asks during
their meeting.
BULL FUCKING SHIT
If Rob is really in jail, AND IT'S A
BIG FUCKING IF RIGHT NOW, they would not have allowed him to
make a random call in the middle of the night. Is he even really in
jail? We only have his and Morley's word for it and I'm not sure I
trust either of them. For all I know, Wilson is in on the whole
thing too.
Then again, maybe Stine is just stupid.
Odds that Stine just doesn't know how
jail works: 50%
Odds that Rob isn't really in jail: 50%
It could go either way.
The next day Mary goes to her meeting
with Morley. He has her shut the door and then he explains that he
has this sister who is very irresponsible. She leaves her two kids
(age 7 and 3) home alone so she can go to the bar every night. He's
spoken to her but apparently CPS doesn't exist in Shadyside because
he hasn't done anything else about it. He wants Mary to teach her a
lesson. Tonight when she heads to the bar, he wants Mary to go get
the children and take them to an abandoned house nearby so that their
mom thinks they were kidnapped.
I mean, they WILL be kidnapped. By
Mary. Which is hella illegal.
Morley gives her a key to his sister's
house and a key to the abandoned house that he has apparently rented.
Mary protests that this is a felony and Morley again threatens to
expose her and leave Rob to rot in jail. Mary decides the only thing
to do is go to her guidance counselor and lay out the whole story.
Actually, Mary, the thing to do is
record all your conversations with Morley and I can't even believe
that hasn't crossed your fucking pea-sized mind yet.
Also, the guidance counselor doesn't
believe her. Did you think she would? Of course you didn't. This
isn't our first rodeo in Point Horror land.
We skip ahead to that night. Mary goes
to the address that Morley gave her. She rings the bell and a little
boy answers. He says his name is Jimmy and he's taking care
of his baby sister Judy. Mary tells them her name is Laura
and she's there to babysit them. She offers to take them to her
“playhouse” and Jimmy is heckin stoked. She picks up Judy and
leads Jimmy to the rental house. It's empty but they find a box of
children's books in one of the closets which is super fucking suspicious but Mary doesn't pick up on it. She sits down to read to
them and casually asks them if their uncle Donald (Morley's first
name) comes to see them often. Jimmy says he has no uncles.
Are these Morley's kids? Did he lose
them in a custody battle or something and just get Mary to kidnap
them for him?
Odds they're Morley's kids: 59%
Mary hears a siren and realizes a cop
car is headed right for the rental house. She knows Morley has set
her up. She tells Jimmy to wait right there until the nice policeman
comes to get them and then she runs out the back of the house and
into the woods. She runs all the way to her house trying to figure
out what she's going to do about Morley.
When she gets to her house, the bushes
in her yard whisper her name. It turns out to be Rob. I guess
Morley went ahead and bailed him out after Mary took the keys but it
seems dumb because there's no way he could actually know that Mary
went through with the kidnapping then. Either Morley is an idiot,
Stine is an idiot or Rob never really was in jail. Even odds on the
three of them. Anyway, Rob says that Morley told him that he was
going to have to get rid of Mary and Rob because they know too much.
WHY DID MORLEY FUCKING WARN HIM OF THIS? Why didn't he just take Rob out right then and there and then go after Mary. It makes no sense that he would give them this warning unless Rob was in on it and gaslighting Mary.
Odds that Rob is in on whatever the
fuck this is: 85%
Odds that Stine is just writing an
INCREDIBLY stupid story: 100%
I know they don't add up. Fight me.
Rob says the only way they can keep
Morley from killing them is to kill him first.
THIS IS A STUPID FUCKING STORY AND I
DON'T KNOW HOW IT GOT PUBLISHED!!!!!!!
Mary wants to go to the cops but Rob
says they'll never believe them.
Oh.
I get to bust out one of these.
MC decide not to call out the police
for some lame reason? Check
I want to know where our required
creepy anonymous call is. That bitch has gone missing. Doesn't
Stine know it's LAW in this land? I think he wrote the fucking law
and here he is not even following it. He should lose his job over
this. This and many more crimes against the poor innocent readers of
these craptacular books.
I may be having some kind of mental
break here, y'all. I blame Stine and this FUCKING USELESS EXCUSE FOR
A PLOT.
Rob pulls a bottle out of his pocket
and tells her that he found it in Morley's house the first week he
worked there. Somehow he knows it's an “instant poison”
and “a few drops will kill someone in minutes”. What the
hell does Morley have in his medicine cabinet? Cyanide? Mary
continues to protest that she doesn't think she's capable of killing
anyone and Rob continues to assert that they have no choice if they
want to live.
Rob gives her the bottle and says she's
the one who will have to do it because Morley doesn't trust Rob
anymore and won't let him get close enough to administer the poison.
Mary takes it reluctantly. The next day is a school holiday but Rob
says Morley will be there working on a special project. Mary has
track practice so it won't look unusual for her to be at the school.
Rob encourages her to go see Morley and to slip the poison into his
ever present coffee thermos. Mary still says she can't actually kill
anyone but Rob encourages her to sleep on it and decide in the
morning.
That night Morley calls. He's pissed
because Mary bungled yet another assignment. He tells Mary that she
has one last chance to make it up to him but she “owes him big”.
He wants to see her in his classroom at 1:00 the next day and he
vaguely insinuates that her life depends on it. Mary is shook and
knows that she has to kill him after all. It's the only solution.
The next chapter is essentially just
Mary fretting over whether she can kill Morley or not and a
description of track practice. At the end of the chapter she finally
gets to Morley's room where she discovers a notebook full of all the
things Morley made her do for him. I don't know why this matters but
she acts like it's the nail in Morley's coffin. She runs home really
quick and then comes back. Morley still isn't in the room.
Mary puts the poison in Morley's
thermos of coffee and sits back to wait for him. I mean.....she
thinks she does.
Odds Rob actually gave her poison to
dose Morley with: 2%
Morley arrives for the meeting and Mary
tries to stall him by asking him for help studying or something
stupid like that. Morley is a smug bastard and in the span of about
a minute and a half, he manages to drink two full cups of coffee
(the entire thermos). WHO DOES THAT? Fucking hell, Stine. Anyway,
he gets up to go brew another pot and then grabs his throat. He
croaks out that Mary poisoned him and then he falls to the ground.
Mary drags him behind the desk and sits
down to wait for Rob. And then the big twist happens. I guess.
Sigh. Rob comes in and asks if Morley told Mary everything. She
thinks about what she read in the notebook and says yes. Rob
comments that it's “pretty wild” that it was all just a
“big psychological experiment” and Mary had been set up
from the very beginning. The physics teacher, Wilson, guidance counselor and the mom
with the two kids were all in on it. Rob notices the thermos on the
desk and, for some fucking reason, pours himself a cup out of it.
Mary just watches.
Rob apologizes for using her as an
unwitting guinea pig but says he had to do it. He's Morley's
assistant and this experiment is part of his thesis. WHAT COLLEGE
FRESHMAN IS ALREADY WORKING ON HIS THESIS????????? Stine.
Seriously.
DO BETTER!!!!!
Rob tells Mary he feels strange and
then asks where Morley is. Mary tells him to look behind the desk.
Rob freaks out. He screams that the bottle he gave Mary was just
full of water.
Mary says she knows that. She read the
outline of the experiment and all the details in the notebook, ran
home, got some poison from her mom's medical kid (mom's a nurse and
apparently brings poison home in some kind of kit) and put it in the
thermos. Rob freaks out and then he passes out too.
Stacy comes in at this point, harassing
Mary about going to the mall. She sees the bodies and screams. Mary
tells her to relax. They've just been dosed with sleeping meds and
they'll be fine in a few hours.
Then the book ends.
I seriously hope Mary reports him and all the teachers who participated in this to
the school board and to whatever place he's doing this experiment
for. This is highly unethical and illegal. Fucking hell, Stine.
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