Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Freeze Tag by Caroline B Cooney

**This blog contains adult language.  If you can't handle that, please move on.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know who the bad guy/girl/ice princess is.

Tag Line:  Um.  None.  This feels weird.

From the Back of the Book:   Cold hands, evil heart.  Meghan and West first played Freeze Tag with Lannie when they were just kids.  But it was no ordinary game.  Because when Lannie froze someone they really froze.  Ice cold.  Like death.  And she wouldn't unfreeze them until West promised to always like her best, no matter what.  Now it's three years later, and Meghan has forgotten all about Lannie and the promise she extracted that day.  Meghan and West are in high school, and they're in love - the perfect couple.  But Lannie hasn't forgotten, and she's determined to have West for her very own.  And if she doesn't get her way, she'll freeze Meghan...to death.

Validity Confession:  This is a Point Thriller.  Close enough.


This book was published in 1992.  I had not read it prior to doing this recap.  Cooney was just not my author back then.  She still isn't.  However, of all the Cooney's I've read for this blog, this one made me want to stab people the least.  Do with that what you will.

We begin with a prologue and our protagonist Meghan. She's sitting on some porch steps with her best friend Tuesday and a girl named Lannie.  They are watching Tuesday's brother West Trevor mow the lawn. Lannie is wondering how it would feel if she could actually freeze someone and Meghan is doing her best to ignore the conversation entirely. She'd rather think about how awesome the Trevor family is. She even likes their names: West, Tuesday and Brown. Naturally, Meghan has a huge crush on West because that's just the natural order of things.

Cooney treats us to TWO pages of Meghan thinking about doing dishes, y'all. It's so awesome. {snort} 

Tuesday invites Meghan to stay the night and Meghan about pees her pants with the excitement of it. Lannie immediately pipes up that she's staying too but Tuesday says no. She can only have one person over. They all know it's a lie. Mrs Trevor isn't one to set limits like that and everyone knows it. Meghan thinks it's mean but she's too scared of Lannie to intervene on her behalf.  Lannie is pissed and tells Meghan that she hates her.

Lannie starts to walk off but stops near West. She tells him she wants to take a ride on the lawn mower with him. He tells her it's not safe, but she says if he won't give her a ride, she'll freeze Meghan. West lets her get on and they ride around the yard a few times. Then Lannie tells him to stop because she wants to play freeze tag. She declares herself “it” to nobody's surprise. Meghan loves freeze tag because at some point either she'll get to touch West or West will touch her.

I remember that giddy crush feeling.

They begin to play the game and Lannie freezes them one by one. Meghan is the last to be frozen and, as it's happening, she thinks to herself that this is no game. After she freezes everyone, Lannie leaves and goes back to her yard. Mrs Trevor comes out to tell them it's time to come inside but none of them can seem to move. Meghan is internally telling her body to go inside but nothing happens. It's like they're truly frozen. Mrs Trevor goes back inside and Lannie returns to the yard.

She goes up to touch West and he is unfrozen. He goes to his brother and sister in a panic and notes that they're not even breathing anymore. Lannie confirms that they are frozen and that she can do it any time she wants. Um.  So why was she wondering what it would feel like to freeze someone earlier?  If she knows she has this power, it must be because she's done it before.  Unless some giant showed up at her house because she didn't answer the letter that the owls delivered and told her that she's a wizard with the power to freeze people, she already knows how it feels.  Sloppy, Cooney.

As a favor to West, Lannie touches Tuesday and Brown and they return to normal, but she refuses to thaw Meghan. She says she hates Meghan because Meghan gets everything that Lannie wants.

West goes to Meghan and tries to shake her out of it but she only tips over, still frozen. She can hear everything going on around her and see what her eyes are pointing at, but she can't move at all. West tries to pick her up but can't because her body is unwieldy. Lannie is clearly trying to impress him, so he tells her that he's impressed. She preens. Tuesday pleads with him to promise Lannie anything if she'll unfreeze Meghan. Meghan desperately doesn't want him to do that but she cannot speak. Lannie says that she wants West to always like her best and he agrees to do that.

Lannie unfreezes Meghan.

They never speak of that day again. They never tell anyone. It was the last day they ever played freeze tag. The last day they played anything really. Looking back, Meghan always wondered if it was even real.

Chapter one takes us six years into the future. I know the back of the book says it's three years later, but in the prologue West was 11 and now he's 17. That seems like six years to me. It's okay, Cooney. Math is hard. West is obsessed with a rusty hulk of a truck he was given for his birthday.  It's so awful and ugly that his parents make him park it away from the house.  He's working on it and fixing it up himself. He spends long hours looking at it and thinking about it. 

But the truck isn't his one true love. It sneaked up on him and surprised him when it happened, but West Trevor is madly in love with Meghan Moore.

Meghan, of course, is still madly in love with West. Even more than that, she's madly in love with the entire world seeing how madly in love West is with her. He's affectionate in public and she loves knowing other girls are watching and envying her. Meghan's kind of a dick, y'all. Her parents aren't too happy that West is taking up Meghan's music practice time. They have dreams of her being famous. West's parents aren't sure they like their son being so serious so young but they have other things to worry about. Tuesday and Brown have both grown up to be difficult children.

One day as they are walking out of school together and Meghan is enjoying all the stares of envy, Lannie comes up alongside them. She's still pale and wispy and doesn't look much different now than she did then. She tells West it's time to live up his promise and he has no idea what she's talking about. Meghan feels chilled but doesn't know why. Lannie hounds him over and over to remember but he doesn't. Finally Lannie says she'll just have to remind them tomorrow and she leaves.

The next day Meghan has the perfect morning. She's just the smartest, most amazing, most talented girl eva and she can't wait to tell West all about it at lunch. He's also had a great morning because Cooney just really wants to hammer home just how awful their lives are about to become. They're standing in line when they hear people screaming. A girl has been frozen right in the middle of the cafeteria. The teachers and students are in a panic. Chaos ensues as people try to rationalize how such a think could possibly happen. The most likely explanation offered is a seizure.

Simultaneously Meghan and West both remember what happened all those years ago and know that Lannie is responsible. Meghan can feel West pull away from her and is horrified. Lannie reminds him that he has to like her best now. From now on, the two of them are going to be a couple and there's nothing Meghan can do about it. There's some tense moments and then West agrees that he will like her best but she has to unfreeze the innocent, random girl. Lannie doesn't want to. She thinks if she undoes it, Meghan will relax and Lannie wants to keep her afraid. But at the very last moment before the girl is loaded into an ambulance, Lannie brushes by the stretcher and unfreezes her.

Meghan watches Lannie and West have lunch. They seem to be having a nice conversation and she wonders if West is pretending or if he's falling in love with Lannie. Oh, Meghan. Such an empty little head you have. She goes to gym where she overhears her coach saying that the only way to win is to know your opponent. During study hall, Meghan treats us to a review of everything she knows about Lannie.

Lannie grew up with parents who ignored her. Her dad eventually left to marry someone else. Her mom eventually remarried as well. Lannie froze a dog her mom and stepdad loved. Her mom died so she went to live with her dad and stepmom. Then her dad left and the stepmom dropped her off to live with the stepdad who provided for her but largely ignored her. Her teachers were so afraid of her, that she skipped a grade. I'm not sure this is actually possible. It takes a lot of paperwork and many meetings to actually skip a grade. But this is Cooney's world where freezing people is possible so......{shrug}.

West and Meghan meet in their usual spot after school as if nothing had changed. They leave the school arm in arm, making plans to go work on his truck together. 

They're either extremely stupid or extremely forgetful. Lannie's going to have both their asses and I find that I don't really care. West is okay but Meghan is a dick. 

When they get out to the car, Lannie is sitting in the passenger seat.

The ride home is tense. West is acting like nothing is going on. When Lannie tells him to drop Meghan off first, West protests that they have plans. He says he had lunch with Lannie and that should be enough. Of course it isn't. Lannie makes veiled threats about freezing Tuesday. 

West and Meghan figure out that Lannie's mom's had the car accident because Lannie froze her while she was driving. I'm sure her stepdad is a popsicle in the attic or something. Meghan gets furious with West for not doing anything. I'm not sure what he can do exactly. Brawn is no match for supernatural freezing power.

Meghan goes inside the Trevor house with Tuesday. The place is so familiar and comforting that just being inside it makes Meghan SURE that Lannie isn't truly capable of freezing anyone. It was all just an elaborate cry for attention.

Oh for fuck's sake, Meghan. Yes, as a rule I would agree with you that freezing people isn't a rational possibility. BUT YOU SAW IT HAPPEN. An entire fucking cafeteria full of people saw it happen. So clearly, in your world, it happens. Just because you're sitting in a nice kitchen eating a crap ton of sugar doesn't mean what happened never happened.

Mrs Trevor makes a cameo appearance so Cooney can call her fat.  {middle finger extended to Cooney}  She contributes the melancholy fact that Lannie was never loved and is therefore incapable of ever loving anyone else. {middle finger extended to Mrs Trevor}

West doesn't come home for three hours. He doesn't call Meghan and when she finally calls him, he doesn't want to talk about it. She tells him to sneak out and meet her at his old truck. At eleven they meet. Meghan asks him what happened and he doesn't really answer her. Finally he says he has to do what Lannie wants or she'll freeze Tuesday. Meghan can tell he's genuinely terrified for his sister but she's pissed that he's putting Tuesday ahead of her. She pouts and raves and seethes and finally he tells her that it won't be forever. He'll figure out a way to stop it eventually and then they can be together.

Lannie finds them together and freezes them in the front seat of the truck.

We head-hop into Tuesday's brain and go a few minutes back in time. She feels weird and kind of frozen but she manages to get out of bed when she sees Lannie heading for the truck. She goes to see if West has returned but he hasn't. Brown joins her in the hall and asks if West is still gone. Tuesday tells him about seeing Lannie. They decide to go out to the yard to check on things.

They find Lannie swinging back and forth on the truck door. Tuesday immediately starts negotiating with Lannie to unfreeze West and Meghan. Lannie doesn't want to because West broke his promise. Tuesday says that West has learned his lesson and all will be well now. Lannie isn't moved. Tuesday invites Lannie to the JV slumber party that she's having. She reminds Lannie that West is taking her to the school dance. Surely she doesn't want to miss those things.

Lannie unfreezes West but leaves Meghan.

West begins negotiations now.

I have the strangest feeling that the rest of the book is going to go like this. West and Meghan fuck up. Lannie freezes someone. People beg her to unfreeze the someone. West and Meghan fuck up. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. 

I hate Cooney.

Lannie eventually unfreezes Meghan. West drags her out of the truck and hugs her. Meghan is triumphant that love wins over evil. Because......????  I have no idea. I have no idea why she's decided they won and Lannie lost. Meghan's an idiot. Lannie holds her finger out to freeze Tuesday. This is so predictible. Sigh.

The next few days pass miserably for Meghan. West doesn't try to contact her at all and she's hurt. She knows he's only protecting the people he loves but she doesn't much care about that because she's inherently pretty spoiled and selfish. No one at school can believe that West is with Lannie and she's tired of all the questions. She feels alone and abandoned and, in a way, it makes her understand how Lannie is feeling all the time.

After two weeks, Meghan decides to visit the Trevor home at a time when West is at the library with Lannie. She and Tuesday decide they need a plan. Meghan stays over at the Trevor's house, lying on the floor of Tuesday's room where she can't be spotted through the windows. After supper, Tuesday brings West into her room. He is relieved to see Meghan. They all sit on the floor so they can't be seen. Brown joins them.

They come up with a big plan.

Are you ready for this?

Their big plan is.........................West is going to tell Lannie that it's over.

Brilliant. Why didn't I think of that? 

Oh, yeah. Because it's stupid and it won't work.

The next morning the Trevor kids and Meghan all leave their houses to go to school. The plan is for the Trevors and Meghan to go with West leaving Lannie behind. Lannie can see it happening and freezes all the little elementary school children waiting for the bus. She tells West she can see his heart isn't in it and she wants his heart. He tells her she has his heart. And the stupid plan fails because it was stupid.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Weeks pass. Meghan's father realizes that it's been a long time since anyone has seen the stepfather that Lannie lives with. He spots Lannie standing outside her house and asks Meghan to go over and ask her about her stepfather. Meghan doesn't want to do so, but her mom gets angry at her for not doing this for her father. Reluctantly, Meghan finally crosses the street to ask Lannie about her stepfather. Lannie smiles and invites Meghan inside her house. They go through the house and into the garage where the stepfather is frozen inside of his car.

Huge surprise. I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you.

Sigh.

Time passes. I'm not sure how much. Lannie is away on a class trip. Meghan and West meet in his old truck to talk about the situation. West wants to kill Lannie. He thinks it's the only way to end this. He's even considered driving into a concrete wall, sacrificing himself to make sure Lannie's evil dies. Meghan is aghast. She thinks the idea is every bit as evil as Lannie is.

I should be Team Meghan here. I'm extremely against murder, y'all. But I find myself Team West. Don't judge me! This is a world where a 14 year old girl can just freeze people. The world supersedes normal world rules.

Time passes. Snow has everyone hibernating inside. Meghan sees West leave with Lannie so she trudges over to the Trevor house. They hang out for awhile, discussing things. Tuesday believes that West really, truly loves Lannie now. She thinks he acted so well that he even fooled himself. Meghan is heartbroken. Lannie and West return. Brown insists that West still loves Meghan so Lannie asks West if it's true. West denies it, further breaking Meghan's heart.

West suddenly tells Lannie that he wants to take her ice skating. Lannie isn't sure because she's not very good, but West insists. When she leaves to go home and get her skates, West tells everyone not to touch him. Lannie knows he's been secretly meeting Meghan and she has given West her power. If he touches anyone but Lannie, they'll freeze.

What?  She can just transfer this power?  Cooney, you're killing me here.

Time passes. More snow falls. Everyone is pretty much home-bound at the moment. Meghan is seriously considering making new friends. West has changed too much and she can't love him anymore. She's not sure she can be friends with Tuesday going forward because it hurts too much to see West. But when Tuesday calls, asking to borrow some cookie cutters, Meghan grabs some and heads right over.

They're making cookies when Lannie appears. She asks if West is home and Tuesday tells her that West went to get a part for his truck. Meghan thinks this is odd because West hasn't even looked at his truck in weeks. Tuesday tells Lannie that West is going to go straight to his truck from the auto part store, so Lannie should just wait there for him. Meghan thinks it's far too cold for Lannie to do any such thing but she remains silent.

It takes a lot of encouragement on Tuesday's part, but Lannie finally heads through the snow to the truck. She's pretty damn dumb if she can't tell this is a set-up.

Tuesday immediately starts bustling around the kitchen. Her mom has a new job and she's promised to make dinner. It's a complicated seafood recipe and soon Meghan is busy chopping and stirring. She forgets all about Lannie. The Trevors, including West, come home. West is in a great mood for a change and Meghan really enjoys his company. After dinner, someone asks if Meghan and West are back together and it's only then that Meghan remembers that Lannie is waiting for West in the truck.

Meghan tries to get Tuesday's attention so that Tuesday can tell West about Lannie but Tuesday winks at her and Meghan has the horrible realization that it was all a set-up. The door handles and window handles in West's truck don't work and there's no way for someone inside to get back outside without help. She knows that they've trapped Lannie.

At first, Meghan decides it's not her problem. West and Tuesday and Brown are responsible for this. It was their plan and she had nothing to do with it. She thinks about how cold Lannie must be and how no one will find her in time because of all the snow. Finally she gets up from the table and walks through the snow to the truck.

Meghan opens the door.

Lannie falls gratefully into her arms.

Megan invites Lannie to her house to warm up.

And the fucking book ends.

Seriously.

Just like that.

No resolution.

No hint as to what happened.

It's just over.

{middle finger extended to Cooney}

Final Thoughts:  This book was less lyrical than the Cooneys I've read before, and therefore I raged less while reading it.  But the entire thing was West and/or Meghan messing up and Lannie freezing someone.  That's not much of a plot and there was no ending.  It's like she couldn't figure out how to end it so she just decided not to bother.  This just felt like a throw away book to me.  No substance.  No reason to read it.  No reason to recommend it.


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