Science Project (Terror Academy) by Nicholas Pine

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Please be aware that the story WILL be spoiled in every way imaginable. And mocked. Mercilessly.

Tag Line: E= mc scared......

From the Back of the Book: Clark Thompson is a nerd, a science whiz who spends his time alone with his secret experiments. When Andrea Hill needs help in biology, Clark offers to tutor her – and she finds he's nice, and fun to be around. Then the guys in Andrea's cool crowd make Clark the butt of a cruel joke. But the joke's on them – when Clark unleashes the things that came to life in his laboratory...

TRIGGER WARNING: There's a lot of body shaming in this book. If you're sensitive to talk about weight or shaming people because of their body type, please skip this recap. I still love you and I'll see you next post.

ADDITIONAL TRIGGER WARNING: There is an attempted sexual assault as well as several non-consensual attempts at kissing in this book.  If you're sensitive to that, please skip this recap.  I'll catch you next time around.  

{{{Note From Future Me: this is my first incomplete blog ever.  Read on to find out how far I got before I was pushed past my limits and marked the book DNF.}}}

This book was published in 1994 and this is my first time reading it. I've read Pine before, though. There's another book from this series on the blog already. I think it was at the end of 2020. Apparently I did some research back then and found out that this series spanned roughly 15 books and was created to try to cash in on some of that Fear Street fame. Like Fear Street, they don't have to be read in any particular order because they're connected by location rather than by storyline. In this case it's a school. I also read somewhere that the author chose Pine as a pen name so his books would be shelved next to Christopher Pike's in the book stores. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's pretty clever. Pike was pretty popular back then. I know I preferred his books to all others in the genre at the time. Judging by the last book of Pine's that I blogged, we can expect plot holes, forgotten character traits and stupid chapter endings.

Yippee.

We begin with our protagonist Andrea and by the end of page two, I already hate her. She's sitting on a beach watching some friends play volleyball and she tells us for paragraphs how attractive she is and how much she dislikes her boyfriend Johnny. A girl named Suzy rocks up and Andrea tells us that Suzy is fat and ugly but they're friends with her because she has a car and a pool. I feel like Pine finds it impossible to write likable characters. We had this exact same problem with the other book I blogged in this series. (The protagonist didn't like her boyfriend much either. Pine's already out of ideas and this book was only halfway through the series.)

Suzy can tell that something is bothering Andrea but Andrea doesn't want to talk about it. She wants to break up with Johnny but he's the “king” of their crowd and Andrea has gotten very used to being “queen”. I guess she figures Johnny will maintain his social standing if they break up but she'll lose hers and she doesn't really want that to happen. Suzy presses and Andrea snaps at her to put some sunscreen on her “chunky thighs” and shut up. She justifies this by saying that everyone makes fun of Suzy's weight and that's just something Suzy has to deal with. Suzy is hurt, though, because Andrea's always been nice to her before.

I find that hard to believe.

Johnny is clearly expecting some kind of physical encounter later but Andrea isn't very into it. She just keeps thinking to herself how much she hates him. Suzy notices how Andrea is acting around him and tries to tell her that Johnny did something inappropriate to her but Andrea shuts it down.  She tells Suzy to shut her "fat mouth".  It's heavily implied that Johnny might have sexually assaulted Suzy but no one comes out and says it.

Pine constantly refers to Suzy as “the chubby girl” and it's actually disgusting. It's not even a character's thought – it's how HE references her in the text. He also makes sure to say she “waddles” beside Andrea instead of walks. We get it, Pine. She's overweight and teased because of it. You don't have to hammer it so brutally into our heads.

Johnny comes up while Suzy is trying to warn Andrea and shoves Suzy so hard she falls. He tells Andrea not to listen to the “blob” and then grabs her arm and drags her away. Andrea screams for help but no one listens. In fact, they just egg Johnny on. He drags Andrea over to the dunes and she struggles so hard to get away from him that she slips and falls. He immediately gets on top of her. She yells at him to get off and he says he'll let her get up if she promises not to run off.

When he gets off her, she tells him that she wants to break up. I'm not sure I would have done this after he physically dragged me to a secluded area and then proceeded to almost assault me.  Her first priority should have been to get someplace safe.

Protagonist who seriously needs to listen to a few true crime podcasts? Check

At first he doesn't think she's serious. He tries to talk her out of it, saying that he cares for her and then threatening that she won't be popular without him. She holds firm, calling him and his friends boring for just wanting to party all the time. He tries to forcibly kiss her without her consent so she slaps him. He throws her to the ground and gets on top of her again, attempting to sexually assault her. She bites his hand until he gets off her and then throws sand in his face. She gets up and runs off with him following behind her. She makes it to Suzy who rescues her by throwing a handful of pretzels at Johnny, causing a flock of seagulls to attack him (the birds, not the band). The two girls manage to get away. Suzy confirms that Johnny assaulted her and that's what she was trying to tell Andrea.

It's the first day of school, a week later. Andrea is reluctant to go to school because it's the first time she'll have to face her former friends since the day at the beach. She goes down to breakfast and her parents give her a lecture about getting her grades up to at least a B average this year. She sulks at first but then realizes that they're right – if she actually wants to go to college, she'll need to improve her grade point average.

When Andrea gets to school, she's shunned by all her old friends. She was expecting that so it doesn't bother her much but what she wasn't expecting is for Johnny to be dating Suzy now. Andrea is confused. She reminds Suzy what Johnny did to both of them but Suze just blows her off. Clearly she wants to be popular now and she doesn't care that it comes with a price.

Andrea goes to the counselors office before school to change her schedule. In an effort to be more studious, she wants to add a math class, science class and Latin. What high school in existence was teaching Latin in the 90's? Most high schools are lucky to offer French and Spanish with the funding they get. The counselor happily places her in Advanced Biology, Geometry and Latin I.  Andrea pretty much regrets it immediately but there's no going back.

Andrea gets to biology and is assigned the seat next to nerdy Clark. He isn't pleased because he prefers to work alone and because he knows what kind of student Andrea has been in the past. She tells him to take a “chill biscuit” which is a saying I've literally never heard in my entire life. Pine attempts to write clever dialogue for Clark such as:

“Why don't you go back to the cheerleaders and stay with your own class, genus and phylum?”

“Make no attempts to communicate with me on an intelligent level. Simply endure the situation as I must.”

It's hella cringy. I don't think clever dialogue is Pine's expertise.

Two pages later, we get this which is almost worse: “Pearls of moisture rolled down her cheeks.” Fucking hell, Pine. You can just say she cried.

I think it's October now. Andrea's mind is on the mid-term reports that will be issued that day to let parents know how their kids are doing in their classes. When she gets her report, she finds that she got A's and B's in everything but biology. That grade is a D. The counselor suggests that she get Clark to tutor her. Andrea says that she and Clark don't get along and the counselor says that he's a genius but he lacks social skills. I know a lot of people who are very smart and lack social skills but they aren't dicks to other people.

You know, Clark reminds me of this guy I went to high school with. He was a genius when it came to math but had ZERO social skills. He was a huge asshole and to this day, I get mad when I think about him. Now I get mad when I think of Clark.

When Andrea gets to biology, Clark teases her about her grade. He says he hacked into the school computer and saw it. She loses it on him completely, shouting that he's just a loser who treats everyone like shit because he's a little smarter than them. She makes fun of him for never having a girlfriend and being a virgin and having no friends. It doesn't really make you root for her, I have to say. The teacher hauls both of them into the hall. He says that he's disappointed in Clark for how he treats people and disappointed in Andrea because she's not working hard enough. He gives them an ultimatum – either Clark tutors Andrea or they both get suspended.

Why does this feel like it's only a punishment for Clark? Andrea actually needs the tutoring. Maybe being with Clark is her punishment though. He's a total dick.

Andrea goes to the biology lab after school where she's supposed to meet Clark. Instead, Johnny shows up. He tells her that he doesn't want to date Suzy anymore and he wants Andrea back. She refuses. He again grabs her and tries to kiss her without consent but Clark comes in and interrupts them. Clark asks Johnny to leave. Johnny puffs up his chest and tells Clark to get lost so Clark casually throws acid on him. It starts to eat through Johnny's sweater so he takes it off, threatening to kill Clark. Clark produces a bigger vial of acid and tells Johnny it will eat right through him. Johnny decides to leave but vows revenge.

Seriously. The love interest of this book CANNOT be a person who just casually throws acid on another person. Get some help, Pine.

Clark makes sure she's okay and apologizes for his behavior up until now. He doesn't offer an excuse, just says he should have been nicer. He tells her that he has a couple things to take care of and asks her to meet him at his house in an hour for tutoring.

Girl, do NOT go to the home of the boy who just threw acid at another human.

Protagonist displays a shocking lack of survival skills? Check.

The address turns out to be an abandoned-looking building on the waterfront. When Andrea goes inside, she's greeted by a german shepherd but there's no sign of Clark. Instead there are cages and cages of animals and some kind of lab. Andrea notices one of the cages is covered and she goes to investigate. Whatever is in there is some kind of monster and it growls at her. She turns to run away but Clark appears.

Andrea asks him if he experiments on the animals and he acts all nervous and says they're just pets.  It's clear he's lying.

✋

Y'all, I'm out. I would offer to do bullet points for the rest of the book but I don't even want to read another page. Everyone and everything is disgusting and I just can't. So I'm going to leave it here. If you decide to want to check it out and see how it ends for yourself, be my guest. I'm going to practice self care and stop here.