Friday, March 4, 2022

Haunted (Fear Street #7) by R. L. Stine

 **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Please be aware that the story WILL be spoiled in every way imaginable. And mocked. Mercilessly.


Tag Line: There's a prowler in Melissa's room – but is he dead or alive?

From the Back of the Book: Melissa woke up screaming. The prowler was at her window...or was he? The recent headlines about a Fear Street prowler had everyone on edge. Her father now kept a loaded pistol in his bedroom. That made it even more frightening – and real. Then the haunting began: her new car driving as if someone else had taken control; her birthday presents ripped open by unseen hands; an invisible force trying to push her out the bedroom window. Out of the shadows of her bedroom came a menacing figure. Who was he? Did he really come from beyond the grave? And why had he come to kill her? If Melissa doesn't solve the mystery fast, these questions will haunt her – to death!


This book was published in 1990 and the cover looks so familiar that I think I might have read it before. Hell, I might have recapped it before. That would be hilarious. Leave it to me to end up recapping a book twice. Maybe this one will turn out better. I think I've improved over the seven years I've been doing this. At least I hope I have.

(((Note from future me: I have neither read this nor recapped it.)))

We begin with our protagonist Melissa screaming in the night. She's sure she's heard a burglar at her window so she's yelling the house down. Her dad comes to investigate and finds that it's just a tree branch. Melissa tells him that she thought it was the Fear Street Prowler who has been going around and breaking into houses along Fear Street. He reassures her that she's perfectly safe and then yells at her for wearing his pajama top. It's a little dizzying.

Melissa is still worried about the prowler so her dad reassures her by showing her a loaded gun he keeps in his nightstand. He says he'll shoot the prowler if he breaks in so Melissa should stop worrying. She doesn't find the pistol as reassuring as her father had hoped. It actually makes her feel more uneasy. Everyone goes back to bed and Melissa lays awake for awhile thinking about her date earlier with her boyfriend Buddy. He'd been out of town for most of the summer so she thought they were going to have a fun reunion date but he'd been more interested in making out. Even after she told him she just wanted to talk and catch up, he shoved a hand up under her shirt. She got mad at him and the date was ruined.

I just love all the casual sexual assault that went on in these books. {{{sarcasm font}}} This is not okay, people.

The next day her dad comes home a little early to give Melissa an early birthday present. She's stunned to see it's a car and immediately drives it to her best friend Della's house to show her. On the way, the steering wheel keeps jerking to the right as if someone is grabbing it and she struggles to stay on the road. At one point, it jerks to the left and she finds herself in the path of a cement truck as the chapter ends.

{{{GASP}}}



LOLZ

Melissa is fine. She doesn't get hit by the cement truck and all is well. Her dad takes the car to the shop and demands that they find what's wrong with the steering. Days pass and they find nothing wrong with the car.

Melissa's birthday arrives and she has a party. There's a lot of random people there and I have no idea if any of them will be important so.....bullet list?

*Della: best friend, beautiful, perfect hair (unlike Melissa who has “wild hair”)

*Pete: Della's boyfriend, “preppie” dresser, nice guy

*Marnie: innocent and vanilla

*Billy: Melissa's ex, bad dancer

*David: wants more chips

*Krissie: dumped chips on David's head

*Hewlitt: Krissie's boyfriend

*Normie: likes tennis

*Buddy: boyfriend who needs to learn what consent means

*Marta: housekeeper hanging out in the kitchen

The party has lots of dancing and snacking and innuendos like most parties in Stine books. Around midnight, Melissa goes to open her presents which she's been stacking on her bed. She's surprised to find that they've all been torn open and scattered about. I would normally assume that one of the party goers on our bullet list is the bad guy but this is a paranormal kind of book so it's probably a ghost.

Later, after everyone but Buddy has gone home, Melissa's parents come back. Melissa is wearing the silver necklace that Buddy gave her and her mom seems super interested in it for some reason. She tries to look on the back of it but Melissa shoos her away. She asks Buddy where he got it but Buddy suddenly heads for the door, claiming he needs to be home.

Odds that the necklace is stolen: 63%

That night, Melissa is laying in bed when her room gets really, really cold. She thinks it's a breeze from the window and gets up to close it. Suddenly there's a man at the foot of her bed. He's barely more than an outline but she can make out narrow shoulders and long, dark hair. He doesn't have a face. She thinks it's the prowler and screams her head off. Her dad comes running into the room and turns on the light. The man is gone.

Melissa tries to convince her parents that there was someone in the room, but they don't believe her. They think she's just tired from her party and imagining things because the news has been full of stories about the prowler. She gets mad at them but she can't really explain why the man disappeared into thin air so she gives up. When they leave, she goes to the window and leans out, looking up and down the street, trying to figure out where the man might have gone. There's no screen apparently. I guess these people like mosquitoes in their room. As she's leaning out, she feels cold hands on her back trying to push her out the window.

Melissa manages to grab the window frame and that keeps her from tumbling out the window head first. She spins around and there's no one there. She feels a little crazy as she goes back to bed. The chapter ends with Stine telling us that a shadow leans over her while she sleeps.

😒

The next day, Melissa goes to Buddy's house to tell him about her weird experience the night before. He tries to come up with some logical explanation and it just makes her mad. He tells her to chill out which makes her even madder. The entire conversation is useless and I don't know why it was there.

Suddenly we're with Melissa, Della and Krissie at the mall. There's a lot of chatter about plastic “pedal pushers” and wide-legged corduroys and I'm pretty sure that Stine has NO idea what girls were wearing in the 90's. By the way, I haven't ever heard anyone under the age of 50 call them “pedal pushers”. Just sayin'.

Absolutely nothing happens during the shopping paragraphs except Krissie making fun of poor people and Melissa getting upset. I guess Stine is trying to show us that she's a good person but it doesn't work because she's kind of awful. Melissa is driving home in her mother's station wagon when she suddenly hears someone whispering her name. The air gets cold and then the faceless man appears in the passenger seat next to her. Melissa screams and crashes into the car in front of her.

The man she hit is late for a meeting and there really isn't much damage so he decides to just let it go. Melissa is very lucky. When she tells her parents about it later, they ask her if the man that appeared was the same man she 'saw' in her room the night before. Melissa can tell that they don't really believe her and she starts shrieking because “shriek” is Stine's favorite word.

Melissa's mom and dad tell her that they're going to Los Vegas in a week and they want her to go with them. She refuses which makes her mom really mad. Melissa doesn't really care though and goes upstairs to get ready for her date with Buddy. As she's getting dressed, the man appears beside her. This time he has a face and he looks angry. She asks him who he is and then yells at him for making her dent her mom's car. He shrugs and says she can just buy a new one. She demands to know who he is again and he tells her that she should know since she killed him.


Melissa has no idea what he's talking about and demands to know how she killed him. He says he doesn't remember because most of his memory is gone but he's sure she's the rich bitch that killed him. She asks his name and he tells her that it's Paul but he can't remember his last name or how he died. She doesn't believe he's a ghost at first but her hands go through him when she tries to grab his arm so she's converted to a believer. He tells her that he's back to get revenge on her for his death.

For a minute, I thought maybe 👻Paul👻 was connected to the necklace that Buddy gave her. Maybe Buddy killed Paul and stole the necklace? But that doesn't make sense because she saw Paul for the first time before she even got the necklace.

I still think Buddy is the Fear Street Prowler though.

Melissa thinks quickly and tells 👻Paul👻 that she'll help him find his real killer if he lets her live. 👻Paul👻 is still pretty sure Melissa is the one who killed him and she realizes she isn't going to change his mind, so instead she offers to help him find out why he was killed and the rest of the stuff he doesn't remember. He's intrigued enough to give her a stay of execution but he reminds her that he can kill her at any time.

I'm not so sure. He couldn't manage to push her out the window earlier and he didn't exactly cause a fatal car accident either.

Melissa gets ready for her date and drives to Buddy's house to pick him up. Along the way, the car gets really cold and she thinks 👻Paul👻 is with her. He won't answer when she tries to talk to him, though, so she just turns up the heater. When she gets to Buddy's house, she decides he should drive because she figures 👻Paul👻 will leave him alone. Instead of going to the movie they'd planned to see, she suggests going somewhere to talk instead. Buddy's excited at first because he thinks 'talk' means 'make out' but she sets him straight.

They drive around and Melissa tells Buddy everything and he's instantly concerned. He tells her that she needs help and he wants her to talk to someone right away. She's irritated that he doesn't believe her and asks him to take her home. She says she can prove 👻Paul👻 is real. Buddy does, still feeling uneasy about her mental health.

When they get to Melissa's house, her parents are gone. Buddy tries to get her to sit down and talk things out logically but Melissa insists that if they go up to her bedroom, he'll see 👻Paul👻. Buddy thinks she's just upset about the prowler but she's sticking to her guns about the ghost. Suddenly they hear footsteps coming toward them!

{{{GASP}}}


LOLZ

It's just Marta putting some laundry away.

They go up to Melissa's bedroom and it's cold so she knows 👻Paul👻 is around somewhere. She walks around the room, begging 👻Paul👻 to come out and meet Buddy. Meanwhile, Buddy isn't cold at all and he thinks Melissa has had some kind of a mental break. She finally sits on the bed beside him and he holds her close. Suddenly 👻Paul👻 appears. He screams and runs toward Buddy to attack him.

{{{GASP}}}


LOLZ

So it turns out that Melissa is the only one that can see 👻Paul👻. Buddy can't see him at all despite the fact that 👻Paul👻 is right in front of his face. He urges Melissa to lay down and rest and tells her that he'll call her parents. 👻Paul👻 realizes that Buddy can't see him so he tries punching him to see if that will work. It doesn't. Melissa continues to scream about 👻Paul👻 being in the room and Buddy continues to try to calm her down. Melissa gets pissed at him for not believing her and yells at him to leave. He doesn't want to at first because he's really worried about the “episode” she just had but he eventually agrees to go in the hopes that she'll calm down.

We skip to another day. Melissa goes to the library to look up old editions of the newspaper. She figures the death of a teenager would have definitely made the news but she only goes back 6 months which doesn't make sense unless she's very new in town. If she's been there all along, she would have definitely heard if a teenager died. She goes through all six months of papers and finds nothing so she decides to leave.

Della is out front getting ready to return some books. Melissa asks her if she ever heard of a teenager named Paul dying in Shadyside. Della has not. Melissa wonders if 👻Paul👻 might have gone to South High instead since he keeps saying he was poor. Della's cousin Tracy goes to South High so they go over there to ask her about 👻Paul👻. Tracy definitely remembers one of her classmates dying the previous spring but it was a dude named Vince. She shows Melissa a yearbook picture and Melissa confirms it isn't 👻Paul👻.

Melissa takes Della home and then heads for home herself. When she gets there, her parents are gone as usual but she can see someone pacing around inside her house. She thinks it's 👻Paul👻 but it turns out to be Buddy. He says her mom let him in and then went shopping. Sure, Buddy. Sure. He apologizes for the night before. I'm not sure what he's apologizing for exactly. He still doesn't believe Melissa about 👻Paul👻 but he wants to put it behind them. She asks him to go with her to a dance club that evening and he agrees as long as they don't talk about the ghost.

They go to the club and have fun for about an hour. Then Melissa breaks their agreement by telling him that she hasn't seen 👻Paul👻 all day. Buddy is instantly irritated, telling her that he doesn't want to talk about the ghost. She ignores that and tells him that the ghost threatened to kill her. He really thinks she's losing her mind and he doesn't know what to do so he tells her to drop it because ignoring it is his only solution. She yells that it's part of her life now and he just has to believe her but he still doesn't. She runs out of the club and out into the night.

Melissa runs for awhile and then comes across a bunch of drunk teenage boys hanging out in a dark place. She tries to get past them, intending to head back to the club but one of them separates from the pack and approaches her. She's stunned to see it's Paul. Not only that, but the other boys with him can see and hear him too. Paul isn't acting like he knows her at all and that confuses her. He's also confused because he's never seen her before in his life but she keeps acting like she knows him.

Melissa decides to make a run for it again and somehow slips past them this time. They're hot on her heels as she dashes toward the club but suddenly they all just disappear. She wonders if they were all ghosts. She makes it into the club and finds Buddy, asking him to take her home.

Later in bed, Melissa goes over the events of the night and laments that she and 👻Paul👻 can never be friends because he was such a dick to her. She seems really bummed about it.

What?

Why would she want to be friends with a ghost who is threatening to kill her?

Is this book supposed to make sense?

After some time to think, Melissa realizes that she recognized one of the boys with Paul the previous night. His name is Frankie and he delivers groceries for a local store. She decides to go there to see if she can find him. Locating Frankie is easy. He thinks she's there to get him in trouble and tells her that he knows the guys went a little far the night before but it wasn't his fault. She asks him when and how Paul died because she's just assuming that they can all see 👻Paul👻 too. Frankie is confused because Paul is not dead. Melissa goes running off.

In the parking lot, Melissa runs into live Paul but she thinks he's ghost Paul. She asks him why he's being so mean and for some reason that makes him decides she wants to have sex with him. I have no idea what's going on anymore. {{{Sigh}}} They go back and forth for FOUR FUCKING PAGES with her thinking he's the ghost and him trying to get in her pants. Finally, she leaves in frustration. When she gets back to her room, 👻Paul👻 is there.

👻Paul👻 is having a hard day. He tells her that he can't maintain his energy anymore and he just kind of keeps fading in and out. She yells at him for how he acted at the grocery store and he's hella confused because he's been in her room all morning. She thinks he's lying and he thinks she's losing her mind. I think this book is dumb.

They talk for awhile and Melissa realizes that 👻Paul👻 is telling the truth about not being at the club or the store. It dawns on her that Paul isn't the ghost of someone who was killed in the past but a ghost from the future of a person who isn't dead yet.

Stine.

My head hurts.

This is literally NOT HOW GHOSTS WORK!

Whatever. Let's just get this train wreck of a book over with, shall we?

By the way.... 👻Paul👻 obviously represents ghost Paul and 👦Paul👦is going to represent alive Paul.

Melissa tells him that he obviously hasn't come to avenge his death – he's come to prevent his death from happening. The idea that he might not actually die makes 👻Paul👻 very happy. Melissa agrees to take him to meet 👦Paul👦 so he can warn himself to stay away from Melissa so she won't kill him.

This book is giving me a stroke.

Odds that 👦Paul👦 is the Fear Street Prowler and that's how he dies: 99%

I'm still holding out that 1% hope that it's Buddy because that would make for a much better story.

They talk about everything and 👻Paul👻 remembers that Frankie is his neighbor. Melissa looks up Frankie's address in the phone book....



…..and then drives 👻Paul👻 to the neighborhood. At first he doesn't recognize anything and he thinks they're in the wrong place but then he sees a name on a mailbox and recognizes it as his last name. He asks Melissa to go in with him but she says she wants to stay away from 👦Paul👦.  👻Paul👻 sees the wisdom in that since they are supposed to be making sure Melissa doesn't kill 👦Paul👦, so he goes in alone.

This plot is absolutely, embarrassingly ridiculous.

We hop into 👻Paul's👻 head.

👻Paul👻 goes through the house. At first he doesn't recognize anything, but slowly the memories come back to him. He goes up to his room where he finds 👦Paul👦 drinking a beer. 👻Paul👻 watches as 👦Paul👦 calls Melissa but, of course, she isn't home. 👻Paul👻 tries several times to talk to 👦Paul👦 but it doesn't work. 👦Paul👦 can't see, hear or feel him.

👦Paul👦 leaves the house with 👻Paul👻 right behind him. Melissa is nowhere to be seen. 👦Paul👦 goes to the liquor store to buy a six pack of beer and then he meets his buddies, including Frankie. Frankie says that Melissa came to the store to ask about Paul earlier and 👦Paul👦 finds that very interesting. They discuss what they want to do with their day and Frankie laments that they don't have money to do anything interesting. 👦Paul👦 says that won't be a problem.

It turns out that 👦Paul👦 is the Fear Street Prowler.



👻Paul👻 realizes that being the prowler is what got him killed and he knows he has to make 👦Paul👦 stop breaking into houses. The problem is, 👻Paul👻 only seems to be able to communicate with Melissa. He watches helplessly as 👦Paul👦 breaks into another home and almost gets caught.

We go back to Melissa now. She's just getting out the shower when 👻Paul👻 shows back up. He tells Melissa that he wasn't able to communicate with 👦Paul👦 but doesn't tell her about being the prowler. Melissa volunteers to go talk to 👦Paul👦. She figures if she warns him away from Fear Street, there won't be a situation where she kills him. This makes no sense in the story as it stands. 👻Paul👻 never said that he died on Fear Street. He only said that Melissa killed him. She could have killed him anywhere. We know he's the prowler and we know Melissa's dad has a loaded gun, so it's logical to us that he probably dies there but Melissa doesn't have all the information and shouldn't have come to the conclusion that Paul dies on Fear Street. Stine is skipping steps again.

👻Paul👻 feels resigned to his fate. He doesn't think there's anything they can do to change the future but Melissa is determined to try. She's kind of falling for 👻Paul👻 for some reason. This also makes no sense because he's been nothing but a dick to her. Oh, well. She wouldn't be the first girl to fall for a dick.

We skip to the next day. Melissa's parents are going to be headed to Vegas for the weekend, so Melissa is planning to stay at Della's house. I can't tell if that's happening on the day we're on or the next day. Melissa turns down a date with Buddy so she can talk to 👦Paul👦. He isn't at home but she can hear laughter coming from around the corner so she follows it. 👦Paul👦 is hanging out with his friends again and he's pretty drunk. As soon as he sees Melissa, he comes over and starts sexually harassing her. She tells him that she wants to talk to her and he grabs her wrist hard enough to hurt and drags her off into a dark alley.

Melissa is sad because 👦Paul👦 lacks the “tenderness” that 👻Paul👻 has. Um....have you guys noticed any tenderness? Because I haven't. I'm not sure Melissa knows what the word means. Melissa tries to warn 👦Paul👦 from coming around her or her house and he doesn't take it well. He thinks she's just being a bitch because he's poor. She realizes that she can't explain anything to him without sounding crazy so she just gives up. That was all pointless.

We skip to the next night. Melissa is supposed to go to Della's house since her parents are leaving for the trip but Della has been delayed at her cousin's house or something so Melissa will be spending the night alone instead.. You know, her parents left WAY late in this book. Don't they know the YA Horror rules? The parents are supposed to bug off much earlier in the book so that our protagonist is all alone and helpless. We're practically at the end now.

Melissa spends a boring night at home. She's actually bummed that 👻Paul👻 isn't around because at least he'd be someone to talk to. I don't know why she didn't call Buddy. I'm sure he'd be chomping at the bit to come over when her parents are out of town. It's a teenage boy's dream. Finally it's time to go to bed and she decides to sleep in her parents' room because they have an air conditioner. She falls asleep for a few hours and wakes up to the sound of someone trying to open the window.



A Paul crawls in the window and it takes Melissa several paragraphs to figure out whether it's 👻Paul👻 or 👦Paul👦. She eventually comes to the conclusion that it's 👦Paul👦 because he's acting super rapey. She begs him to leave and tells him that she won't turn him in or anything but he continues to make comments that scare her. She pulls the gun out of her dad's nightstand but he's not too worried about it. He seems to think that the gun is fake and taunts her to prove it's real. She doesn't want to kill him so she tries to get him to leave on his own but he's not budging. He tells her that he'll use the gun if she doesn't and lunges for her. There's a scuffle and 👦Paul👦 ends up with the gun.

👦Paul👦 points the gun at her and says he's going to kill her. At first she doesn't think he's going to actually do it but it's clear from the look in his eyes that he's serious. He starts screaming that her money isn't going to help her now and gets ready to pull the trigger. 👻Paul👻 appears and is instantly distressed because he doesn't want anything to happen to Melissa. He manages to take the gun out of 👦Paul's👦 hand and he tosses it to Melissa. Somehow.....sigh....somehow when she catches it, it goes off and shoots 👦Paul👦 in the chest.

I don't even think that's logistically possible.

Sigh.

Live Paul is now dead Paul but not ghost Paul. I hate this book. Melissa asks 👻Paul👻 why he gave her the gun when he knew she'd end up shooting him. He says that he cares about her too much to just let her die. AND THEN THEY KISS. In what universe would Melissa kiss this boy? Stine is ridiculous. 👻Paul👻 tells Melissa that he's ready to move on now. She doesn't want him to because she's now madly in love with him for some reason but he tells her that it's miserable to be trapped between two worlds.

👻Paul👻 fades away and then Buddy shows up for some reason. In the middle of the night. For no fucking reason whatsoever. He says he went to Della's but she wasn't there so he got worried. Why was he going to Della's in the middle of the night? Did Stine forget it was the middle of the night? I really think he did. Melissa shows Buddy the dead body and they decide to call the police and then the book ends.

That was trash. Actual garbage. I'm so upset.

THAT'S LITERALLY NOT HOW GHOSTS....OR GUNS....WORK!

Mostly I'm just pissed that Buddy wasn't the prowler. That would have been way cooler. I mean, maybe he was lying about being away and it was just his alibi because he was pulling off all the heists? That would have been a much better book.

At least there weren't any piranhas.

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