Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know who the guy/girl/Hail Mary pass is.
Tag Line: None.From the Back of the Book: Fifteen-year-old Samantha is shocked when she meets her great-uncle, famous novelist Augustus Trevor. He's a scowling, mean-spirited man who has just invited - blackmailed - a group of celebrities to his island mansion to participate in a "game". "If you don't take part, you'll soon regret it," reads the invitation. Augustus Trevor means business. Unfortunately, so does one of his guests. Augustus is found bludgeoned to death. Unfortunately, now Samantha must join the game.
I know some of you aren't here for the
actual recaps – you're here to watch me lose my mind at the authors
or the storyline. If that's the case, you probably aren't going to
like this one very much. After two disastrous months of horrific
books on this blog I told my manager that November belonged to me. I
got to pick the book and I picked one I actually wanted to read. So
you're probably not going to get any huge paragraphs of all-caps-rage
with this one. Sorry, not sorry. Not even a little. I AM going to
try to get to another one in the Seniors series at the end of the
month, though, so there should be plenty of screaming then. Stine
just inspires that kind of thing.
This book was published in 1993 and I
found it on my keeper shelf so I must have read it and liked it.
It's been at least 20 years though and I don't actually remember any
of the details but I'm sure it was good. I tend to like
Nixon for the most part even though there are a few that I find
really pretentious.
We begin with our protagonist Samantha
who I am going to call Sam from now on. She's come to a
remote island to stay with her Great-Aunt Thea for a few weeks
in order to meet Thea's husband Augustus who is a famous
author. Sam wants to be an author too so she's hoping to get Augustus
to read some of her work and critique her on it. Augustus is a bit
of a grouchy old recluse (thus the house on the remote island) and he
isn't happy to see Sam at all. Thea never told him they were going
to have a houseguest and he tells her right off the bat that she
can't stay. He has guests coming that weekend and she'll be in the
way. He orders her to leave but she can't. When her parents
arranged for her to come for two weeks, they took a vacation of their
own and she can't return home until they do.
Augustus is pretty pissed. He has some
kind of party planned and he doesn't want Sam there for it. She
launches into some big spiel about how she wants to be a writer but
she needs help figuring out if she has the proper talent. She's
brought several stories with her and she's hoping he'll read them and
give her some advice. He's not interested in this at all but he
realizes he can't exactly kick a teenager out of his house when she
has nowhere else to go. Reluctantly he agrees to let her stay but
tells her she'll have to change rooms. The one Thea put her in is
reserved for Buck💥 Thompson the network sportscaster. Sam is
pretty star struck by this.
Augustus yanks the bell pull and
summons Mrs Engstrom the maid who I am going to call Mrs E. She has been with the family for longer than Sam has been alive. He asks Mrs E to move Sam into the tower room but Mrs E protests that
it's small and off to itself. He insists that all the other bedrooms
will be taken by the members of his party and the maid has no choice
but to do as he says. She takes Sam back to her original bedroom and
then leads her to the tower room. Well, the staircase to the tower
room anyway. It's behind a door at the end of the hall. Mrs E begs
off at this point claiming steep stairs and bad knees. She
mysteriously tells Sam “sorry” before disappearing down the hall but Sam has no idea what the woman is apologizing for.
The stairs curve around in a half
circle just like tower stairs are supposed to. Sam gets to the top
and finds a large brass key in the keyhole. She turns it to open the
door. The room is very small and completely round. It has it's own
tiny bathroom and bars on the windows. Sam is a little dismayed.
The rest of the house is pretty grand but this room is just spooky.
I feel like we need one of these.......
Protagonist finds herself housed in the
creepy tower room? Check.
Sam is pretty miserable. Her parents
had tried to talk her out of this trip but she had insisted. Her dad
reminded her that she is always too impulsive and doesn't think
things through enough but she didn't listen. Now she's trapped in
a place for two weeks with a person who doesn't want her there and a
room that feels like a prison. She's not even on the beach side of
the island. In fact, the only way into and out of Thea's property is
by boat. Somehow. I don't get how they're just on the other side of
a major destination spot but they need a boat to get anywhere. Even
if there aren't any roads for cars, shouldn't they be able to hike
around? I know it's an important plot point but it's a weird one.
Sam leaves the room, locking the door
behind her, and sets off to find her aunt. She comes across a really
pretty golden vase sitting on a pedestal in an alcove and goes to take a
closer look. She's surprised by the butler Walter who appears
beside her in time to tell her the vase is actually a potentially
haunted burial urn. She's a little freaked out at the idea but asks
him where Thea is. He directs her to the sun room where Thea is
having tea.
Thea apologizes for Augustus' behavior
and for Sam's new room. I'm not sure how she heard about it all
already. Maybe Mrs E told her??? Thea offers Sam a cup of tea and Sam
notices there's another cup on the tray. She ask if it's for
Augustus but Thea says it's for Laura👸 Reed the movie star.
Sam almost chokes on her tea when she hears that. She's expecting
someone decked out in a sequined evening gown and a fur coat to come
in and is a little disappointed when Laura👸 appears wearing a white
blouse and jeans.
The adults make chit chat while Sam
envisions telling all her friends she met a movie star. She's
brought out of the fantasy when she hears Laura👸 ask Thea why she's
here. Thea is confused and says she thought Laura👸 came for the house
party. Laura👸 says that Augustus told her there was going to be some
kind of game and if she didn't come play she would regret it. It
sounds like a threat to Sam and she's intrigued.
The adults go back to chatting,
pretending that nothing is out of the ordinary. Eventually Mrs E
comes in to gather cups and she tells them that a big storm is on the
way because there's a hurricane off the coast of Mexico. So now
we've got the 'dark and stormy night in a castle' trope going. I
love a classic. Laura👸 asks who else is coming and Thea mentions
Julia💟 Bryant. Sam is excited because Julia💟 is a pretty
prolific romance novelist. Maybe she can get advice from her since
Augustus is uncooperative.
Laura👸 launches into a story about
Julia's💟 friend who apparently wrote a whole slew of novels but was
too self-conscious to send them to a publisher. Instead she burned
them all and then jumped out of a window to her death. Hmmmmm. I
know we're all thinking it so I'll just do it.
Odds that Julia's books were actually
written by the friend: 75%
Odds that Julia killed the friend to
get her hands on the manuscripts: 50%
Thea also mentions a senator named
Arthur Maggio💨 is on
the guest list along with dress designer Alex👰 Chambers. Sam
is beyond excited to meet everyone.
Eventually it's time for dinner. All
the guests have finally arrived and are gathered down in the sitting
room or something to wait for Augustus. He eventually makes a
dramatic entry but refuses to answer any questions, saying that
everything will be clear once the game starts. They separate into
little groups for some pre-dinner chitchat and Sam uses the
opportunity to ask Augustus about the haunted urn. He WAY
overreacts, grabbing her and telling her to stay away from it because
it's cursed. She takes him at face value but it makes me wonder if
something is hidden in it.
Odds there are more than ashes in that
“cursed” urn: 75%
The rain starts during dinner and it's
gentle at first. The guests eat their food and chat with each other
around the table. Sam compares them to bananas, still in their
protective skin and it's a weird but probably accurate image.
Everyone has a persona they are hiding behind. It slips once in
awhile – like when Maggio💨 talks about his granddaughters – but
for the most part, the masks are firmly in place. Augustus waits
until dessert has been served to tell them about the game.
Augustus tells them all that he's
written a non-fiction book exposing the secrets and hypocrisy of
famous people. During his research, he's stumbled upon a big secret
in each one of their lives. Every single one of them did something
horrible in the past but it was never discovered. Augustus wants to
know if they hid their indiscretions by being smart or just by being
lucky. So he's devised a game that will tell him. There will be
clues for them to solve and this will tell him whether they deserve
to have their chapter removed from his book.
Maggio💨 refuses to play and says he's
going home immediately. Unfortunately, Augustus has sent the only
boat that can navigate the choppy, stormy seas away for safety
reasons (so it won't get damaged in the storm). So there's no way
out. Maggio💨 says he'll just stay in his room until the storm is over
and the boat returns. Augustus tells them all that if they leave the
room and refuse to play the game, their secrets will be exposed for
the entire world to read. Maggio💨 decides to stay.
Augustus passes out envelopes to
everyone except Sam. He says they contain a very personal clue that
will lead each one of them to the next clue and the next part of the
puzzle. If they solve them all, they'll be erased from the
manuscript.
Julia💟 rips hers open and indiscreetly
announces that hers is an airline schedule from New York to Buffalo.
She has no clue what it means. Maggio💨 blurts out that he has a train
schedule but he doesn't give details. Alex👰 holds up his clue and Sam
sees that it's a map of Vietnam. She takes a peek at Laura's👸 on one
side of her and sees a list of football teams and scores and then
peeks at Buck's💥 on the other side of her. His is a list of names and
phone numbers with the name “Peeples, Willie” circled.
Thea begins to cry as she folds up her
clue which Sam can see is a travel brochure for Acapulco. She tells
Augustus that she doesn't want to play but he assures her that she
does. Her secret is in the manuscript too.
Laura👸 is super distressed. She says
it's not fair because she has no idea what her clue means. Sam
offers to help her with it, saying she's really good at cracking
codes. It's kind of a hobby of hers. Everyone at the table is very
interested in this. Augustus gets nervous and screams out that she's
not allowed to help anyone and they all have to do it on their own.
The whole point is to see who is smart enough to do it. Then he
writes something on a piece of paper and passes it down to Sam,
saying it's the most important clue of all. Sam opens it and it's a
simple numerical code that spells out “get lost”. She gets
pissed at his perceived insult of her code-breaking skills and
crumples it up.
Augustus tells them they should go back
to their rooms to solve their clues. There will be another set in
the morning.
But I thought the clue they had would
lead them to the next one????? Maybe I misunderstood. Whatevs.
As soon as Augustus leaves the room,
Sam goes to her Aunt Thea. She tells Thea she'll help her with her
clue no matter what the old meanie said but Thea shakes her head.
Clearly she knows that Sam will figure out her secret if she helps
her with her clue so she refuses the assistance. Sam goes up to bed,
unnerved by everything that just happened and by the storm that is
now raging outside.
Sometime during the night the sound of
footsteps coming up the stairs wakes her up. She sees someone
jiggling the doorknob, clearly trying to get in. She shouts out
“Stop or I'll shoot” which is just hilariously ridiculous and
doesn't stop the other person at all. They're clearly trying to
unlock her door but they can't do it because she has her key stuck in
the lock on her side. Eventually they give up and go away.
Odds that someone is trying to find the
clue Augustus gave her: 90%
Sam wakes up the next morning and goes
down to breakfast. No one is in the dining room but there is a
buffet laid out. Sam helps herself to a plate and waits. Eventually
Laura👸 comes in. She pretty much throws her clue at Sam and demands
help. Sam is happy to comply with the rude request because she's a
Nosy Parker. The list of football teams and scores means nothing to
her and she can't decipher any kind of code. She tells Laura👸 that
she'll read it out loud and that maybe the numbers are part of a
locker combination or address or something. She's thinking if Laura👸 hears it rather than reading it, it might make more sense. So she
reads this: “Rams 14, Buffalo Bills 6, Falcons 13, Oilers 21,
Giants 6, Forty-Niners 7, Emerald Bay 1, Stars 0.” There are
more on the list but Laura👸 gasps at that point and yanks the clue out
of Sam's hands. She goes pale, shrieks like she just saw a ghost and
runs from the room.
Sam tries to figure out what happened.
She figures either the Emerald Bay or the Stars entry is what upset
Laura👸 but she doesn't know why. She doesn't even think those are
real football teams. Which is probably the clue part of the fucking
clue, Sam. Sheesh.
Eventually Julia💟 comes down for
breakfast. From the night before, Sam knows that Julia💟 likes to talk
about herself so she brings up one of the characters in Julia's book.
To her surprise, Julia💟 has no idea who Sam is talking about. Sam
reminds her which book the character is in and then says she was
surprised when Julia💟 killed off the character that the prince loved.
Julia💟 shrugs it off and says it fit the plot but then Sam realizes
she mixed up two of the books. The prince and this particular
character weren't even in the same book. She's surprised that Julia💟 wouldn't have noticed that. (Me too. I know exactly which book my characters are
in. Always.)
Odds that Julia's books were actually
written by the friend: 99%
Sam lets that drop and asks Julia💟 if
she got many rejections when she first started trying to publish her
books. A writing teacher once told Sam that she got rejected 13
times before she finally got published and Sam is curious whether
this is the norm and what she can expect from her own career. Julia💟 reacts very strangely to this question, getting extremely agitated
and asking if Augustus put Sam up to this. Sam is confused.
Eventually everyone kind of gathers in
Thea's sunroom to await Augustus' next move. It's still storming out
and Thea asks if it kept everyone from sleeping. Alex👰 says he slept
like a baby but Laura👸 outs him. Her room is next to hers and she
heard him up moving around after midnight. She even heard him leave
his room at one point. Sam wonders if he was the one at her door.
Alex👰 tells Laura👸 that she's mistaken and she seems to take that as an
insult. She slings one back at him, saying it was a shame he had
such a dysfunctional childhood and that he'd felt the need to change
his last name as an adult. She mentions his former last name
(“Keriomaglopolous”) and Alex👰 is visibly upset.
(((Note from future me: This has nothing to do with anything and is never mentioned again. I wish I had a red herring emoji in Blogger.)))
The phones are down because of the
storm and pretty much every single character mentions this over the
next few pages. Nixon is really trying to bludgeon us with this
fact. Gee, I wonder why?????
I would put odds on the fact that
Augustus is dead but the back of the book already told us that.
Thea casually mentions running to
Maggio💨 in the wee hours of the morning so Sam realizes that it could
have been Maggio💨 or Thea at her door too. I'm sure everyone was
wandering around because Nixon is going to need viable suspects.
Anyway, eventually, Walter the butler and Mrs E the maid come running
in to tell everyone that Augustus is dead in his study. HUGE
surprise.
Augustus is dead at his desk from
apparently blunt force trauma. There's a fireplace poker laying
nearby covered in blood. The fireplace is open and there are pieces
of burnt paper and computer discs in the ashes.
They all assume that someone burned the
manuscript and all the back up discs that Augustus had. Someone says
they should check the computer for a file. Maggio💨 does and says that
everything has been wiped clean. No one bothers to confirm this
which is just stupid. Sam points out that the person who murdered
Augustus must have been familiar with computers (this wasn't as
common a thing in 1993 as it is now) and every single person in the
room denies using them. Sam knows it's crap though because they all
knew about discs and to check the computer for a save file so they
clearly know enough.
Laura👸 is relieved and says that
obviously the terrible book has been destroyed and they are all safe
now but Sam points out that Augustus probably printed out a second
copy because authors ALWAYS do that. She said she read it in her
“writer's magazines” and everyone just accepts it. General panic
sets in as they all realize there's probably another copy somewhere.
Maybe someone should check that haunted urn.
They decide to search the place in
hopes of finding the missing manuscript. Sam tries to dissuade them
because it's actually an active crime scene and no one should be
doing anything in that room but she's quickly vetoed. They want the
remaining manuscript found and destroyed immediately. They divide
the room into sections and start searching.
Sam ends up finding the second set of
clues for Augustus' little game. No one else finds anything. Sam
distributes the envelopes and suggests they all work on the clues
together. Maggio💨 protests that the clues obviously hint to their
secrets which they don't want anyone to find out so why would they
want to work on the clues in a group? Thea kind of agrees. But Sam
points out there are too many places for the manuscript to be hidden
in the house and they'll never find it without solving the game. I
guess she's just decided that she's the only one who can possibly
solve the game and everyone ends up agreeing
because........???.......reasons, I guess. They decide to go off on
their own for 30 minutes to look at their clues alone and then
they'll meet back up in the dining room.
When they meet again, they discover
that they all got similar clues in the second envelope. I'm just
going to bullet point them.
*Laura: One will be above all: the
ten of spades'.
*Alex: One will be above all: the
king of diamonds'.
*Buck: One will be above all: jack
of clubs'.
*Thea: One will be above all: nine
of diamonds'.
*Julia: One will be above all: queen
of hearts'.
*Maggio: One will be above all: ace
of spades'.
Sam points out that the suits are in
possessive form which must mean something. They go through what each
card could mean (the spade could mean something buried and the
diamond could indicate something under the diamond tiled floor of the
hall, etc) but really get nowhere with it. Sam points out that they
should share the first clues too because they probably shed light on
the second clue but no one wants to do that. The first clue was very
related to their secrets after all. Maggio💨 asks her about her first
clue since Augustus said it was the most important one of all and Sam
tells them it really wasn't important at all but she doesn't tell
them what it was which just makes them more suspicious of her and the
clue. She's not as smart as she thinks she is. She might be good at
puzzles but she really sucks at human nature.
Which a writer REALLY needs to be good
at, by the way. I don't see a shining literary future ahead for Sam.
They finally get frustrated and go
their separate ways. Sam goes up to search Augustus' bedroom and
finds that it's already been searched. She gives it a go anyway and
finds nothing. She goes into the bathroom and is shocked to find
Augustus' body is now in the bathtub.
That was a chapter ending worthy of
Stine right there. This is beneath you, Nixon.
Walter rocks up and says that they made
the decision to move Augustus to the bathroom which could be kept at
a lower temperature so that decomposition could be slowed while they
wait for an opportunity to leave the island to get the police. It
could be several days after all. Sam is really annoyed by this
because the police are going to accuse them all of tampering with
evidence now but Walter really doesn't care.
Sam goes down to lunch where everyone
expects her to have solved the clues already. She points out that
she can't do much with one set of clues and Maggio💨 points out that
there must be others. Augustus had the game all planned out so the
other clues should be somewhere. She tells them about the bedroom
being searched and the body being moved so everyone is all up to date
I guess. No one likes the idea of the body being moved but Thea says
it was absolutely necessary. Was it though? Was it really?
After lunch, Alex👰 suddenly announces
that he found the next set of clues. He won't say where or when and
Sam just assumes he was the one who searched the bedroom before her.
All the clues have been opened and Alex👰 isn't apologetic. He says
his goal is to get to the manuscript before anyone else. They decide
to go to the sun room to compare clues and Sam runs up to her room to
get the notes she made earlier.
Her door is open and her room has
obviously been searched. She knows she locked it so she's confused
about how someone got in. As she's going back downstairs, she passes
Maggio's💨 open door and sees his first clue laying on the dresser
which is just UNBELIEVABLY careless of him. I'm sorry, Nixon, I'm
not buying this one. I know you needed it to move your plot along
but there is NO WAY that Maggio💨 just left it laying out like that
where anyone one could see it.
Anyway, it's a train schedule with the
town Bonino circled.
Sam runs into a random maid and asks
her if all the keys to all the rooms work in any door. She confirms
they do which means locking doors in this place is completely
useless. The only room with a different lock is the wine cellar
which Augustus apparently guarded with his life.
Odds they should be checking the wine
cellar: 99%
Sam goes down to get the next set of
clues.
*Laura: She laid and egg, and it was
a doozy.
*Maggio: The bald eagle has many
kin.
*Buck: She is lost and gone forever.
Dreadful sorry, Pappy.
*Thea: Darling, I am growing old.
*Alex: It wasn't entirely Jason's
fault.
*Julia: Take a little something from
Oliver the poet.
No one can make
sense of them. Buck's💥 and Thea's seem to come from songs and Julia's💟 hints at plagiarism but Sam can't figure anything out. Everyone but
Thea leaves to search the house. Thea and Sam sit in the sun room
while Sam works on the clues. She gets nowhere.
Sam decides that
maybe the names of Maggio's💨 relatives spell something out so she goes
to ask him to list them out. There aren't many. A couple of
brothers and his kids and grandkids. From the clue, she was
expecting a much more impressive list. She decides the clue must
mean something else.
Next, she goes to
ask Laura👸 the names of her films that haven't performed well,
thinking that's what her clue means. Laura👸 says her last two films
that flopped were “Daughter of Vengeance” and “Lady
in Trouble”. She gets all muddled and mutters about how it
wasn't murder, just an accident and Sam assumes she's talking about
Augustus and has just confessed. Laura👸 assures her that she didn't
kill Augustus.
I'm just going by
the movie titles here......
Odds Laura had a
child that died under mysterious circumstances: 50%
Odds Laura
definitely killed someone in her past: 90%
There's a lot of
going around in circles here as Sam questions Laura👸 (goes nowhere)
and then Buck💥. Sam accidentally implies that maybe he had an
incident with a child in his past (because of the “pappy”
in his clue) and he kind of goes apeshit crazy on her. Guess that
touched a nerve. (((Note from future me: This also goes nowhere and means nothing.))) Then Julia💟 appears to say she found another set of
clues.
*Alex: More silent than the tombs
are,
*Laura: Like Davy Jones' locker –
minus the sea.
*Maggio: Deader than a doornail,
green as a pea.
*Julia: Tea and sympathy – done to
death.
*Buck: Why a sudden death play?
*Thea: Give up the ghost.
Sam turns into that
cop from Murder She Wrote at this point. Pretty much
everything anyone says is met with “Are you saying you killed
Augustus?” when that wasn't what they were saying at all. She
thinks everyone is guilty and everyone is confessing. It's kind of
exhausting to be honest. She's not near as smart as she thinks she
is.
Everyone except
Thea and Julia💟 refuse to help her figure out their clues. The rest just
want her to do it but the clues are personalized for each person and
it would be hard for anyone to do without some help. Thea and Julia💟 aren't really any help and Sam eventually goes off on her own to
work. Alex👰 rocks up and asks to see her notes. Sam thinks he might
be ready to help her but all he really wants to do is steal all her
notes so she can't find the manuscript. He suspects she wants to
read it herself to find the identity of the murderer and he can't let
that happen.
See, Alex👰 IS as
smart as Sam thinks she is.
Completely out of
the clear fucking blue, Thea comes in and says she's been thinking
about the clue regarding “Jason”. Something about it not being
Jason's fault. She wonders if it has to do with the myth of Jason
and Medea. In very broad strokes, Medea was a witch and she
influenced Jason to do many bad things, including stealing the golden
fleece. Sam gets excited, seeing a connection for the first time.
All the clues from the third set of envelopes have to do with gold.
*Laura: She laid and egg, and it was
a doozy. The goose that laid
the golden egg.
*Maggio: The bald eagle has many
kin. The golden eagle is
related to the bald eagle.
*Buck: She is lost and gone forever.
Dreadful sorry, Pappy. The song
Clementine was about a miner.
*Thea: Darling, I am growing old.
*Alex: It wasn't entirely Jason's
fault. The golden fleece.
*Julia: Take a little something from
Oliver the poet.
She doesn't tell us
how the other two fit in. She just moves on to the fourth set of
clues. As she reads the aloud she realizes that she's hearing
letters in the words.
*Alex: More silent than the tombs
are. R
*Laura: Like Davy Jones' locker –
minus the sea. C
*Maggio: Deader than a doornail,
green as a pea. P
*Julia: Tea and sympathy – done to
death. T
*Buck: Why a sudden death play? Y
*Thea: Give up the ghost.
Thea's doesn't fit
in but she doesn't let that stop her. She rearranges all the letters
and gets the word “Crypt”. She thinks the solution for the
second set of clues is “King” because the king is the highest
card when you're playing cribbage. So she puts them together and
gets “King's golden crypt”. Then it finally dawns on her that
the manuscript is probably hidden in that burial urn.
That took long
enough.
You know what I'm
sitting here wondering? Like a hundred pages after the fact. How
did the butler get Augustus up the stairs to his bathtub? Augustus
was described as large and the butler is old. Was he a bodybuilder
in his youth or what?
Not that it matters
now. Maybe he used a dumbwaiter or something.
Anyway, Sam spends
the rest of the night trying to pretend she knows nothing and waiting
for an opportunity to search the urn. Everyone is getting frantic
because the storm is moving out which means they'll be able to call
the police the next day. As they're all sitting together having
after dinner coffee, the generator dies and the lights go out.
Everyone is given
flashlights and candles and they all go off to bed. Sam waits until
she's sure everyone is asleep and then she sneaks out to go to the
urn. Unfortunately for her, Alex👰 isn't stupid and he's waiting for
her outside of her door. He knows she knows where it is and he's
just been waiting for her to emerge. Sam is frightened but then Thea
steps out of her room too. Alex👰 lies and says he and Sam were just
headed down to the kitchen so Thea says she'll join them. Julia💟 emerges from her room too and they all head for the kitchen.
While Mrs E makes
some sandwiches for them (not sure why she was awake), Sam pretends
to get the chills. It makes sense because the house isn't being
heated right now. She says she's going to run up and grab a blanket.
She knows Alex👰 can't follow her without making Thea suspicious but
all he would have had to do was say he was going back up to bed.
Whatevs. Sam runs up to the urn and grabs the rolled up manuscript
out of it. She hides it in her pillowcase, grabs a blanket and runs
back to the kitchen. Everyone is still sitting there.
After hanging out
for a few minutes, Sam says she's going to go to bed. She's still
cold and she can't get warmed up. Thea tells her to bundle up before
going to sleep and Sam agrees. Alex👰 stands up and says he's going to
bed too which just proves me right – he could have done this last
time without raising suspicion. He follows Sam up to her room and
tells her he'll be sitting outside her door all night long. There's
no way she can go get the manuscript without him knowing. Too bad
she already has it.
Sam settles in for
a long night of reading. I'm going to bullet point these too.
*Laura👸:
Young husband who disapproved of her career is accidentally knocked
overboard while the two of them were sailing. Augustus learned from
the owner of the sailboat Laura borrowed that a mallet was missing
when it was returned and made the jump that she killed her husband.
*Alex👰: Runs
his business through the use of sweatshops which employ Vietnamese
children under horrible working conditions.
*Buck💥: Used
to manipulate his team's score by faking injuries etc so he could win
bets he placed.
*Maggio💨: His
son used to be an attorney for the mob. They've since claimed to cut
ties but Augustus implied that Maggio's campaign funds were from the
mob.
*Julia💟: The
novels she published were written by her dead friend and then “spiced
up” by her husband. She never actually wrote any part of them.
Augustus implied that either Julia or Julia's husband killed the
friend to get the manuscripts.
*Thea: She
was mugged by a knife-wielding teen in Acapulco while she was vacationing with Augustus and Mrs E. There was a
struggle and the boy ended up with the knife in his chest. Thea
never reported it, instead fleeing the scene.
Sam decides to hide
the manuscript back in the urn and then she goes to get the envelopes
and pen Augustus used to make the clues. She makes a fake set and
then goes to bed.
The sun is out the
next morning and the storm has passed. Sam joins everyone in the
dining room, pretending to have discovered the last set of clues.
She's written on all of them that they are on their own now and they
assume that means Augustus wants them to work on this one alone.
Five of them say the exact same thing but they have no way to know
that because they aren't comparing notes. It says: “One across,
thirteen down. Who finds the message in the bottle?” Clearly
this will lead five of them down to the wine cellar which can be
locked with a unique key and not one everyone might be carrying
around.
Alex👰, Julia💟 and
Maggio💨 head for the cellar. Laura👸 can't figure the clue out but Sam
quietly suggests she follow Maggio💨 and Laura👸 does. Buck💥 eventually
heads that way as well. Sam locks them all in. She goes to the sun
room which is where Thea's clue sent her. In the sun room, Sam
confesses she read the manuscript and the two of them go through all
the suspects to find out who would have been most likely to kill to
protect their secret. Unfortunately, none of the “evidence”
against them is strong enough to motivate them into murder. Yes,
they don't want their secrets out but even if they did get out, they
would just be embarrassing and not really life-ruining. So why would
they kill to protect it?
Sam realizes that
the only person who might kill to keep the secrets in the manuscript
from the public is.......Mrs E. Because she loves Thea so much I
guess???? This seems super weak to me. But sure enough, Mrs E says
she saw the Acapulco folder in Thea's hand the first night and knew
what it meant so she killed Augustus to keep Thea from being deported
and put in a Mexican prison. I guess. Man, this feels like a Hail
Mary play tacked onto the end of the book.
Mrs E gets the
manuscript and decides to head for the docks to make her escape. She
takes Sam with her at knife point to ensure her passage. They get
down to the dock but the water is still so choppy that Sam knows Mrs
E will die if she tries to get across it in the small rowboat. Mrs E
seems to deflate at that point. She produces a can of gasoline out
of thin fucking air and sets the manuscript on fire. Sam lets it
burn. She promises never to tell anyone what she learned about Thea
and Mrs E seems content with that. Then there's a page of Sam
telling Mrs E how she's going to be a writer because she believes in
herself now and it's RIDICULOUS. Utterly and absolutely fucking
RIDICULOUS. Then they walk back up to the house and the book ends.
I honestly feel
cheated. You know what would have been a better book? If Augustus
wasn't really dead. If he faked his murder and that's how his “body”
got all the way upstairs. If he was watching the entire game and
enjoying the mayhem he caused. That would have been a better book.
Anything but this stupid ending we got. Why did I keep this book?
You know..........
I'm starting to suspect I never actually read this book. I didn't
remember a single part of it and normally I will – a detail or a
character or a tiny sliver of the plot. Nothing was familiar about
this book. Plus, there was a McDonald's game piece in the back that
had clearly been there for a long time because the book had foxed
all around it. The game piece was from 1999 which must have been
when it was put there. If I read this book in 1999, I would have
remembered SOMETHING and I remembered nothing. I'm wondering if I
found it at a UBS and bought it because I like Nixon and then put it
on the keep shelf by mistake. It's the only thing that makes any
sense. I never would have kept this book. The ending just made me mad and there wasn't a single cute, brooding boy in it.
So there you go. If you even read this. Don't worry, I'm sure the next one will make my head explode and you can all enjoy the boom.
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