Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know who the bad guy/girl/SHOUTER is.
Tag Line: ......or else.From the Back of the Book: Love you.....to death. Someone has a little crush on Bethany. But Bethany doesn't give it too much thought - what harm will a few love notes and some flowers do? Bethany's about to find out that in the game of love you can win, lose....or die.
Both the tag line and the blurb were super lame.
This book was written in 1994 and I've never read it before. I'm super scared though. The last McFann I read was extremely depressing. I recapped it in March of 2016 if you want to go look. It was called Hide and Seek and it seriously bummed me out. So I went into this one worried. (((Note from future me: I can assure you that it is not at all depressing but it is annoying as hell. Oh, and the dog lives so don't fret about that.)))
We begin with something written in all
caps. It's not a chapter or even labeled as a prologue. I almost
skipped over it thinking it was a dedication that McFann decided to
yell for some reason. We don't know who is actually yelling at us
but he/she tells us that it's the first time they saw “her”. It
wasn't literally the first time they saw her but it was the first
time they saw her. Clear? Yeah. This is going to be a fun book.
We begin with our protagonist Bethany
and her boyfriend Starling laying on the campus lawn at the University of Delaware. She's
nagging him because he keeps taking his glasses off so he kisses her
into silence which is mercifully successful. I've read three
paragraphs and I hate her already. They kiss and flirt and generally
perform for everyone passing by on the quad until Bethany reminds him
that Mr Baldwin is waiting for them.
So Mr B as he will heretofore be
known, is their history teacher. Back in the winter he had a really
bad heart attack while he and several students (Bethany, Starling,
Rocco, Herbert and Jyl) were trapped in the
school during an ice storm.
Wait a minute. Is this a sequel. Sit
right there while I Google. Don't move. I'll be right back.
Time passes in real life.
You moved. I saw you. Sheesh. Ask
you to do one little thing for me.......
Anyway, Google and Goodreads were no
help. I couldn't find a first book if there was one so we'll just
treat this like a standalone.
So Mr B was in the hospital for a long
time but he's been recently released and Bethany and Starling are
taking groceries to him and running errands for him every day after
school.
Odds that Mr B is going to turn out to
be the bad guy: 71%
I don't even know what the bad guy does
yet but it felt like a good time for some odds.
I thought these two were actual college
students but they're high school students who were just making out on
the U of D's campus. Creepy.
They get to Mr B's house and he's
waiting for them. He's a cranky old guy and not very happy about his
new dietary restrictions and exercise regimen (I feel you, Mr B) but
the kids can tell that he's happy to see them. They make dinner for
him and then stay until he's done eating. Before they leave, they
promise to be back the next day.
On the way home, Bethany frets that Mr
B is lonely and then says that they need to buy him a dog. Starling
is not so sure this is a good idea. He reasons that they don't even
know if Mr B likes dogs and he might not be too happy if they just
spring one on him. I like Starling even if he is a little
over-focused on having sex with Bethany. I suppose he's a pretty
realistic 18-year-old boy in that regard.
We get another shouty, all caps page
from he/she. He/she gives us some lame poem about how her hair was
brown yesterday but today it has beautiful red highlights and how
yesterday her eyes were brown but today they are flecked with green.
Yesterday she was beautiful but today she IS beauty. Gag.
Bethany's mother died and her dad works
a lot of overtime. He's perpetually in a bad mood and this makes me
VERY NERVOUS because I am still traumatized from Hide and Seek.
Bethany says that's one of the reasons she loves Starling – because
he's always in such a good mood. He is pretty cheerful and always
fooling around which makes me suspect that something in his life
isn't very happy and this is how he copes.
Odds that Starling has a tragic past:
66%.
I like weird numbers today.
Starling takes Bethany home and she
invites him in to keep her company while she makes dinner yet again,
this time for her and her dad. When her dad gets home, he invites
Starling to stay for dinner and Bethany is grateful for that.
Starling is able to keep her dad distracted from his bad mood and
dinner goes pretty well.
The phone rings toward the end and it's
Jyl who spells her name stupidly. She wants to know if Bethany knows
where Starling is and Bethany is instantly jealous. She summons
Starling to the phone and then leaves the room even though she wants
to stay and eavesdrop. When Starling comes back in, he says Jyl
needs help with physics and he has to run. Bethany is suspicious but
doesn't try to stop him.
He/she screams at me for another page.
Something about being patient and quiet like a hunter stalking a deer
he wants to shoot. This is not a comforting analogy.
The next day Bethany finds some little
hearts stuck to her locker and she thanks Starling for them. She
figures it was his way of apologizing for running off with Jyl, which
she's still pretty pissed about. I'm still pretty pissed about how
Jyl spells her name and my poor family has already listened to two
rants about it. Starling tells her that he didn't put the hearts on
her locker.
When Bethany gets to physics, Jyl is
sitting in her seat practically on top of Starling. Starling
apparently has a photographic memory which means he remembers
everything he sees and that makes him an invaluable friend when it
comes to finishing homework. Bethany was hoping to use him in this
manner but Jyl beat her to it and refused to give up the seat.
Bethany walks away pissed at Jyl AND Starling for not sticking up for
her.
Starling is confused by Bethany's
behavior. He accuses her of being jealous, which she is, and she
denies it like an idiot. He tells her he'll meet her at her house
after school and then he disappears for the rest of the day. She
doesn't see him at lunch and he isn't in any of his afternoon
classes.
When she gets home she finds him laying
across the hood of his giant, old car in front of her house. He says
he's been at the dentist and then tells her to get in the car. They
drive to the animal shelter for a scouting mission. Right away they
disagree on what they're looking for. Starling thinks it needs to be
an older dog while Bethany wants a puppy. Never mind that the man
they're thinking of surprising with this dog can barely take care of
himself. Puppies are a lot of work, bitch.
Bethany wants to adopt one right away
and surprise Mr B. Starling thinks they need to see what's there and
then go ask Mr B about it first. Starling is a compassionate person,
y'all. You don't just spring a living thing on someone without
knowing if they want it first. Bethany doesn't listen to Starling
and adopts the puppy anyway. I guess they're just free where she
lives. Here she'd need about $100 to get a puppy from the shelter if
not more.
They stop at a pet store on the way to
Mr B's and Starling buys the puppy everything it needs. He's not
happy about springing a puppy on Mr B at all but Bethany is sure it
will work. When they get there, the bitch has the nerve to say that
Starling needs to explain this to Mr B as if it was his plan the
entire time. He tries to just ditch her there and drive away but
he's too nice.
Mr B isn't too happy. He hates dogs
and demands that they take it back to the shelter immediately.
Bethany is stunned. She doesn't think she has the heart to return
it. She tries to plead the puppy's case but Mr B is unmoved.
Starling ends up coming to the rescue by saying the shelter is
closed. Mr B demands they take the dog back with them but Starling
says his mother is allergic and Bethany's dad associates dogs with
his wife's death. Mr B reluctantly says the puppy can stay overnight
but he wants them to take it back right after school the next day.
Bethany is in tears as she leaves. She
declares that she hates Mr B and he's an awful person for not liking
the puppy. Starling tells her she's not being fair. Just because
she loves something doesn't mean everyone else is automatically going
to love it. She can't impose her own likes on other people. She
vows not to return to the house because then Mr B will be forced to
keep the puppy and Starling tells her that's not fair either. Not
even to the puppy. It should be in a home with people who love it.
She tells him he'll just have to deal with it because she's done and
he loses his temper then. He reminds her that this was her idea and
he told her not to do it. Since she barreled ahead and did this, she's going to have
to own up to her mistake and fix it.
She gets really mad at him and tells
him that he's heartless and a terrible person. She accuses him of
only thinking about himself (ahem, pot, kettle) and says he lacks
compassion. I pretty much just want TO SLAP THIS BITCH SO HARD HER
GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN HAVE MARKS ON THEIR CHEEKS.
When she gets home, she finds more
heart stickers on her front door.
He/she yells at me for another chapter
about how perfect and beautiful Bethany is and now I know he/she is an
unreliable source.
Bethany seethes about Starling all
night. First, she thinks he's doing the hearts and not admitting it.
Second, she feels like he is betraying her by taking the puppy back
where it will probably be put to sleep. I hate this girl so hard I
think it's approaching dysfunctional status. I just asked my manager
if I've ever hated a character this much and she rattled off an
embarrassingly long list of names. I guess I hate everyone.
{{{shrug}}}
Despite everything, Starling shows up
the next morning and offers to take Bethany out for her favorite
breakfast (jelly danish and diet Pepsi). He's troubled by the hearts
on the door. She thinks he's just being jealous but he has actual
safety concerns. Someone clearly knows where her locker is and where
she lives and that freaks him out a little. She offers to scrape
them off but he stops her. He says there could be drugs or poison in
the glue which is a little paranoid but I like that he actually
thinks about things.
Bethany is convinced she has a secret
admirer because she's so fabulous.
Odds that Bethany AND her admirer are
both a little out of touch with reality: 99%
Starling is willing to entertain the admirer theory and he asks her who she thinks it is. She immediately goes
back to being trapped in the ice storm with Mr B and offers up Rocco
as a suspect. Starling laughs. Rocco is the muscle-bound jock
stereotype of the book and doesn't seem the type to leave little
hearts as a love sign. Bethany agrees with this. Starling proposes
Herbert because clearly only people who have been trapped in an ice
storm with Bethany could possibly love her. Herbert is our timid
little nerd character which makes him immediately SUPER suspicious.
It's always that one.
Odds that Herbert is the screaming
nuisance: 47.2%
Bethany brings up the puppy again. She
tells us that she needs to apologize to Starling but she doesn't
actually do it. Instead she suggests they find an alternative to
taking the puppy back to the shelter. Maybe one of their friends
will adopt it. She tells Starling to ask Jyl since Jyl is so hot for
him and that just makes Starling sigh wearily. He's tired of this
crap. I feel you, bro. Bethany promises to ask Herbert to take in the puppy and they
leave it at that.
Another yelling page. He/she is vowing
to get close to Bethany again and to make her understand she is
his/hers in every way.
It turns out Herbert is also allergic
to dogs and Jyl will be living in a dorm in the fall that doesn't
allow dogs. Bethany is heartbroken. When she goes to her locker at
the end of the day there's a rose inside. She's enchanted but
Starling is freaked out. Someone knows her locker combination. He
doesn't even know it and Bethany says she never gave it out to
anyone. Still she finds the attention “flattering and fun”
because she's a complete idiot. C'mon, Bethany. You're in a Point
Horror. The secret admirer thing never works out well in these
books.
They go to Mr B's house to pick up the
puppy and are surprised to see a woman in his house. She's
apparently a neighbor or something and she's intent on getting Mr B
to keep the puppy. Starling and Bethany make an escape while Anna's
there.
The next day Starling is called into
the principal's office where he's given the honor of valedictorian.
The principal doesn't like him much, though, and gives him this big
speech about how #2 in the class is much more deserving of the honor.
Number 2 is apparently Jyl. Starling tells the principal that Jyl
can't possibly be valedictorian because she spells her name so
stupidly and that disqualifies her. #thingsthatshouldhavehappened Starling agrees to think about
turning down the honor and Bethany is pissed that he'd even consider
doing that for Jyl.
They go to Mr B's after school and he's
sitting with the puppy on the couch. He doesn't mention the dog
going back which gives Bethany hope but then the puppy pees on the
couch and all hell breaks loose. Starling rushes the puppy outside
to take a walk while Bethany frantically tries to clean up the mess.
In the midst of all of this, Anna arrives. Mr B isn't happy about
this. Or at least he says he isn't.
When Starling takes Bethany home, she
finds a note from her dad saying he had to fly out to California at
the last minute.
Send the parent of the protagonist off
on a trip early in the book? Check.
I mean, technically we're halfway
through the book but whatever.
The note also says that there were
roses left for Bethany on the doorstep. Starling is freaked. A
dozen roses is a pretty expensive expenditure for a high school kid.
Bethany is starting to take things more seriously too. She asks
Starling to stay for awhile and he does for as long as he can.
Eventually he has to leave though.
Another all CAPS page from our bad 'un.
He/she is determined to let Bethany know who he/she is. THEN JUST
FUCKING TELL HER ALREADY! I'm so sick of this anonymous crap.
At some point the next day Bethany
finds a red construction paper heart in her locker with instructions
(IN ALL CAPS) for her to meet her admirer on the steps of the memorial
building at the university on Wednesday at 8:00 and to tell no one
about it. It's fine. You're fine, Bethany. This totally
doesn't sound like a set up for murder or anything.
Protagonist who seriously needs to
watch Discovery ID: Check.
Bethany gives it some thought. She
doesn't want to tell anyone because she wants the admirer to feel as
comfortable as possible when he/she declares his/her undying love.
She hates keeping secrets from Starling but if the admirer asks her out,
she might say yes. She briefly considers that the admirer might have some
not-so-good intention but dismisses it because he/she is asking to
meet in a public place so it must be okay.
On Wednesday, Bethany comes up with a
plan. She asks Starling to go with her to the university library to
work on their physics paper. He's already suspicious because they
don't actually need the library for the paper and he would rather
work on it at one of their houses. She insists, though, and he's a
nice guy so he agrees. Just before 8:00 she tells him she's going
outside for a “breath of fresh air”. He's even more
suspicious now because who actually talks like that and tells her he's going with her but she picks a
fight with him and accuses him of smothering her. She says she'll be at
the memorial building for about five minutes. I guess she's hoping
he'll come investigate if she doesn't come back but the way she just
yelled at him, I wouldn't blame him if he just ditched her and went
home.
Bethany gets there but there's no admirer.
She finds a bunch of the red hearts scattered at the top of the
steps but there's no one actually there. She waits for a bit and
then Starling actually does show up. He's not too happy when he
realizes that she was there to meet the admirer. He gets very quiet and
tells her that she could have been seriously hurt. She gets pissed
in response and says she can take care of herself.
This girl is SUCH AN IDIOT.
He points out that she lied to him,
still in that same hurt, quiet voice, and asks her if she planned to
date the admirer. She admits that she was thinking about it. Starling
starts to walk away and she rushes to apologize to him. She thinks
he'll be amazed and accept it right away because she “almost
never apologizes”. Like that's something to be proud of. But
Starling doesn't stop. He goes back to the library to gather his
stuff and he's gentlemanly enough to drop Bethany off at her house
but he doesn't say a single word to her the entire time. She's hurt
and pissed but mostly just irritated that she didn't find out who her
admirer is.
At 3am she gets another breather phone
call but the caller doesn't say a word.
Starling doesn't come to school the
next day and Bethany has to go visit Mr B alone. He seems to be
resigned to owning a puppy at least. He asks her about Starling and
deduces that the two of them are fighting. Bethany says it's just a
misunderstanding and everything will be fine really soon. They
discuss puppy names and finally decide on Wolfgang after Mozart.
Another ALL CAPS page. He/she is
pissed about Bethany showing up at the university with Starling and
vows to make her see “the truth”.
When Bethany gets home there's an
envelope in her mailbox. Inside the envelope are two pictures of
Starling and Jyl in the library. Jyl is sitting very close to him
and is touching his neck in one of the pictures. Now mind you,
Starling isn't actually doing anything wrong in either of the
pictures but I'm sure that won't matter much to Bethany. The
enclosed note says IN ALL CAPS that Starling doesn't really care
about her and only the admirer knows her heart or something equally
stupid.
The next day in class, Bethany throws
the pictures and the note at Starling. He's furious. He drags
Bethany out of the classroom and tells her that they're going
straight to the police. He's done with this. She accuses him of
cheating and his voice is icy as he tells her none of this has
anything to do with Jyl. He says he doesn't owe Bethany any kind of
explanation but the previous evening he was at the library working
and Jyl came over to ask for help with a physics problem. He helped
her and then asked her to leave him alone and she did. Obviously the
admirer took the picture in that brief span of time. He's royally creeped
out at the idea that someone was there watching him and determined to
report it to the police.
Bethany, of course, doesn't want to
because she knows she's in a Point Horror book. Starling isn't
taking no for an answer on this and they go to the police department.
The police also know they're in a Point Horror so they basically
joke around and refuse to help until the admirer actually does something
to put Bethany or Starling in physical danger. This is actually
probably true of the time period. It took a few deaths for stalking
to be taken seriously and the laws are still a little behind the
curve even now.
Starling is frustrated. He wants to
figure out admirer's movements and try to make a plan to catch him/her.
Bethany thinks it's all pointless. Starling makes her write down
everything that can be attributed to the admirer along with when it happened
and where it happened. He wants to see if there's a pattern.
Bethany reluctantly agrees.
Another ALL CAPS whereby he/she moans
that he/she can't live without Bethany and that Bethany must be made
to see reason.
You know, I keep putting he/she because
I'd like to think it could be either but this is Point Horror in the
early 90's. There's no way a girl has a crush on Bethany. Sigh.
I'm still going to do it, though. Free Tibet (or something more
appropriate – you fill in the blank here).
Starling plans to watch Bethany from
afar for awhile to see if he can see someone else watching her from
afar. It's not the most earth-shattering plan but at least it's not
something completely dumb. He says it might be easier if they have a
very public fight at some point. If admirer thinks that Starling and
Bethany aren't a think anymore, he/she might make his/her move.
Wait. I thought you were already broken up. Starling, my dear, you forgave her MUCH too easily.
They stage a fight in the parking lot
of the school and then on her front lawn. Starling leaves.
Bethany's dad is in California but he left her money to get a dress
for graduation so she goes to the mall. It takes her forever to find
something because she is convinced it has to be white because all
important dresses for important days are white.
Um, Bethany.....that only applies to
wedding dresses.
She keeps looking for Starling,
convinced that he's going to be so lousy at following her that he'll
be immediately obvious but she never sees him.
Another ALL CAPS page. He/she has
noticed that Starling is trying to find him/her and he/she is not
happy about it.
Days pass and Bethany misses Starling.
She hates not being able to talk to him and decides that all this
nonsense needs to end. It's graduation day and she wants to be
happy. She gets out of bed determined to have a good day and that's
when she sees the heart on her bathroom mirror. She dashes for the
phone but the line has been cut. She hears someone behind her but
she's determined not to stop to look. She runs for the front door
and makes it outside. She pauses then and looks behind her. The admirer is a reasonably good-looking young male and a character we haven't been introduce to because McFann is a big fat cheater.
Bethany takes off running. She's
thinking maybe she can get to Mr B's house but the admirer is pursuing her
and she's not a runner. She eventually gets caught and dragged into
a nearby house where she's locked in a room.
He explains that they are fated to be
together. There's only one person out there for everyone and she is
his. She's the only one who can save him from his loneliness and
despair. He goes on and on about how perfect she is and how she
never fails at anything. She finds she can't really argue with him.
He says he's a failure because he got an F in chemistry and now he
can't get into the medical program. His parents expect him to be a
doctor and he feels their love is conditional on it.
Yawn.
I'm so bored, y'all. This has to be
the weakest motive for being a bad guy EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We literally spend SIX PAGES with
Bethany trying to convince him to pick another profession and him
saying it would never work. OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
The admirer's name is Brent and he
graduated from Bethany's school last year. He remembers her from
school but she doesn't remember him. He didn't become convinced she
was 'the one' until his grandmother – and only source of love and
support – died. Bethany thinks she understands him now and keeps
trying to talk him out of kidnapping her. He's determined to take
her away somewhere, though, where they can stay until she loves him
as much as he loves her.
Bethany gets him talking and he tells
her about his brother Justin who died of bone cancer before
Brent was even born. Justin was a genius and his mother never really
got over it. She punished Brent all his life for not being Justin.
He never felt loved and never felt good enough.
He's pretty broken by the end of this
and Bethany gets up and starts to leave. He pulls out a gun but she
knows he won't shoot her so she just walks out. A block away she
runs into Starling who has been using Wolfgang to try to track her
down. He wants to go to the police immediately but she says she has
to go back. She's afraid Brent might hurt himself with the gun.
Starling seriously thinks she's lost her marbles and I'm pretty much
with him on this one.
Bethany goes back to the house to get
the gun. Starling takes off to call the police. He's a smart one,
that boy. Bethany finds Brent on a bed with the gun. He refuses to
give it to her and she's trying to talk him out of killing himself
when the police arrive to save the day. They say she can go to
graduation and they'll get her statement later which is pretty
unrealistic to me but whatever. The book is almost over and I really
don't care anymore.
They head for the school. Bethany is
still wearing the white t-shirt and boxer shorts she slept in and
there's no time to change. Starling is valedictorian and needs to be
there five minutes ago. They rush into the graduation just in time. Starling tries to give her his robe but she insists he keep it on to make his speech.
The book ends with one last shoutfest
from Brent IN ALL FUCKING CAPS. He says she saved him and that means
they're fated to be mated so he'll find her again someday.
I AM
FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This book annoyed me for several reasons. I hate bad guy chapters and I hate first person perspective and I hate Bethany. The only reason I finished was Starling. He's not Conor or anything but he was pretty awesome.
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