Give Me a K-I-L-L (Fear Street Relaunch #6) by R. L. Stine

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know who the bad guy/girl/screaming banshee is.

Tag Line: At Shadyside High, Cheerleading can be a scream!

From the Back of the Book: The Cheerleaders from Shadyside High are back and they're meaner than ever before....  The cheerleading squad at Shadyside has always been strong, but now there are rumors that lack of funds may mean the end of cheerleading at Shadyside.  That would be a shame for Gretchen Page, who has just transferred from her old school where she was a star, and is eager to join the squad.  There's only one other girl who stands in her way - rich, spoiled Devra Dalby, who is also trying out for the one open slot.  The competition to join the squad is anything but friendly - and it ends in murder.  Will Gretchen make the squad - if there's even a squad anymore - or will she end up dead?

Um.  So, a couple of things before we start.  The first sentence in the blurb makes it sound like this book is related to the original Fear Street Cheerleaders series.  I haven't read it but, according to reviews, this book is not in any way related to that series at all.  There are a lot of angry reviews out there because people thought this book was going to tie in to their beloved Fear Street Cheerleaders and they were disappointed.  Also, no where in the book does it talk about funding issues and a possible end to cheerleading.  So I don't know what that was about.

This book is farm fresh.  It was published in 2017 and just showed up on my library shelf this month.  I grabbed it so fast you couldn't even see my hand move.  Why?  Good question.  Don't Stay Up Late was a complete mess and I swear I wanted to slap Stine for even unleashing it into the universe.  But I saw this one and I couldn't help myself.  I'm sick, y'all. I need help.  So far my library only has #2 and #6 and I refuse to spend good money on one of these books, so we'll just have to hope they get the others someday.  Or maybe we should hope they don't.  That's probably the thing to do.  (PS The cover picture is cropped oddly because it came from the library and it had a barcode identifying the particular branch.  I didn't need Stine tracking me down and leaving a dead pigeon on my doormat or something.)

Part One

We begin with our protagonist Gretchen on the phone with her friend Polly. Gretchen is going to be starting at a new school (Shadyside High) and she's worried she's not going to be the prettiest girl there. She has good hair (blonde and straight) but her olive-colored eyes (would that be green or black??) are too close to her super cute nose and she has an annoying chin dimple. She considers herself a solid 7 which was enough to make her the prettiest at her old school but Shadyside is 10x bigger.

Polly is pretty too but she has a round face, curly copper hair and freckles so she can't be a protagonist. Sorry, Polly. We could have overlooked the curly hair and freckles but the round face did you in. PH protagonists are never anything but thin. Polly and Gretchen used to cheer together and they were pretty inseparable once.  

Gretchen was forced to relocate to a new town and a new school because her parents divorced and her mom couldn't afford to stay where they were.  The house they are in now came cheap because it's on Fear Street. Gretchen doesn't know anything about Fear Street and she hasn't bothered to Google it in the two weeks she's been there. Which just proves Stine is very out of touch with this generation because Google would be the FIRST thing she'd do.  (Stine is in his 70's, y'all, and he's still trying to write teenage girls.)

Mrs Page (Gretchen's mom) comes into the room. Gretchen thinks to herself that her mom used to be pretty back in Savanna Mills before the divorce but now she wears too much makeup and has wrinkles. Mrs Page asks her daughter who she's talking to and Gretchen snaps that it's none of her business, hangs up the phone without a word to Polly and then orders her mom out of her room in a super snotty voice. At that point, the phone would have belonged to me, but Mrs Page apologizes. I guess it's clear who the alpha bitch is.

Gretchen tells us that they have a “difficult” relationship because her mom is over-involved in her life and smothers her. She yells at her mom for invading her privacy and orders her to leave again. Mrs Page hangs in there and asks what Gretchen's plans are for the day. Gretchen grudgingly reveals that she's going to the school to meet with the cheerleading coach. She's really hoping to make the squad but is apprehensive because cheering is a much bigger deal here than it was back home.

So, we get some weirdness here. Stine is never very subtle and he rarely writes the story I wish he would write. But he sets something up here that FEELS interesting. Mrs Page asks Gretchen if she's sure she wants to try out right away. She thinks it might be better if Gretchen waits to “settle in”. Gretchen isn't hearing any of that noise and she takes off. As she walks to the car, she remembers the dreams of knives and blood and screams but she tells herself to put it behind her. This is her fresh start.

You see what he did there? He set us up a delightful story where Gretchen is the bad guy. Is he going to follow through and give us that story? Probably not. But it happened in The Hitchhiker so I have hope.

Gretchen doesn't really know any shortcuts around town yet, so she has to drive straight through the middle to get to the high school. She arrives five minutes late for her appointment. She can hear the cheerleaders practicing in the gym and she heads that way. Before she reaches the doors, a tall boy in faded jeans and a denim jacket bursts into the hallway. He tells her he's stealing laptops and asks if she wants to help him.

But it's just the end of a chapter and he's not stealing anything at all. He's actually the equipment manager for the squad and Gretchen thinks he'd be pretty hot if his ears didn't look like cabbages.

Stine.

What the fuck does that even mean? How do EARS look like CABBAGES. Do you know what a cabbage is? I assume you have ears on your head and know what they look like.

Anyway, the guy is Sid. They flirt a bit and he asks her out. Gretchen is about to answer when she spots a cheerleader standing in the doorway glaring at them. The girl stalks up and drapes herself over Sid. She introduces herself as Stacy, the captain thankyouverymuch, and asks Gretchen if she thinks she's going to earn a spot by flirting with Stacy's boyfriend. Oops.

So I'm thinking basic anatomy is confusing for Stine. He doesn't know what an ear looks like and he clearly doesn't understand the words “tall” and “short”. He told us up there that ole cabbage ears is tall. He tells us now that Stacy is short. THEN he tells us that she presses her cheek to Sid's cheek. Um. How? He's tall, she's short. Her cheek could reach his chest or his shoulder or maybe even his neck depending on interpretations of the words “tall” and “short” but they wouldn't be cheek to cheek. Cheek to cheek means they are roughly the same height. So either both short or both tall. Not one of each.

Stine + anatomy = fail

Gretchen reaches Coach Walker's office just as the coach is leaving. She tells Gretchen she'll be right back and to wait there. There are already two girls in there. The first is a redhead with “unreal” skin.

Stine.

What the hell?

Is it like plastic? Paper? Play-Doh? What?

Stine + anatomy = fail

The redhead is Devra.....which seems like a familiar name to me. Haven't we had a Devra? In that damn book about the island with the secret santa? (Blogger Note: Nope. That was Djuna.) Or was she the girl in the second vampire book? (Blogger Note: Wrong again. Devnee.) The second girl is all punk with a half-shaved head, lots of eyeliner and a nose ring. Her name is Courtney. Gretchen feels like they're laughing at her.

Devra tells Gretchen that if she's looking for a spot on the squad, she might as well go home now. Devra says the spot is hers. She and Courtney leave the office and Gretchen watches them go. Sid and Stacy are across the gym floor locked in a passionate kiss and, to Gretchen's surprise, Devra stops in her tracks to give them a murderous glare.

Now I know Stine doesn't have a clue how bodies work. Devra is walking AWAY from Gretchen. Even if it's at an angle, there's no way Gretchen can see Devra's face well enough to know where she's looking or if she has murder in her eyes. This is really getting dumb.

Stine + anatomy = fail

Coach Walker comes back and Gretchen is surprised to see she has a diamond stud in both nostrils. I've never seen anyone with both pierced. I wonder what it looks like. (Blogger note: I googled. It's not obnoxious.) Coach tells Gretchen that she has bad timing. There's only spot open on the squad and she just gave it to Devra. Devra was an alternate on the team the previous year and she thought it was only fair that Devra got the spot. Gretchen pulls a disc out of her bag with a highlight reel of her skillz and asks the coach to watch it.

They begin to watch it and Gretchen sees Polly and the others come onto the screen. She thinks they all look so young for some reason. (Could it be because they ARE and this reel is from a long time ago and Gretchen killed them all and she wasn't really talking to Polly earlier at all??? PLEASE, Stine. With a cherry on top?) Coach seems impressed. They watch about half of it and then she clicks it off. Gretchen protests that some of her best moves are yet to come, but Coach says she wants Stacy to watch it with them. AND she's going to hold a tryout even though it's probably going to infuriate Devra. They have a chance to go to state and she wants the strongest team possible.

Coach pulls Devra back into her office and announces that they're going to have tryouts instead. Devra glares but shrugs it off saying she's not worried.

Gretchen is excited out of her mind as she drives back home. At a stop light, she pulls out her phone to call Polly and tell her all about it. Suddenly the chapter ends and Gretchen hears gunshots behind her. It turns out to be a blown tire instead. Oh, Stine. LOLZ

We jump into Devra's head now. She's facetiming her dad. Dad owns a successful chain of department stores and he's away a lot. Devra notices how tired and haggard he's looking all of a sudden. She tells him the story about Coach taking the position away from her and holding tryouts. She goes on and on and ON and ON and ON about how unfair it is. Her father tells her that he'll speak to the principal. He donates a lot of money to the school and something should be done. He asks how Devra is getting along without him and she tells him that Courtney is staying with her for awhile. It's the end of the chapter so she tells her dad that she and Courtney are planning ways to kill stupid Gretchen with her stupid blonde hair and stupid olive eyes. It's weird she uses the EXACT same word to describe them as Gretchen did. Not green or black which would make far more sense, but specifically OLIVE. So now I'm imagining that they must look like olives because there's no other reason two different people would use the same odd word to describe them.

It's a different day. Gretchen is outside stretching, getting ready to go for a run when she hears someone playing violin music in the house next door. She goes to stare in the window like a creeping creeper who creeps because she's clearly never heard of privacy. Or peeping tom laws. Although I guess that those won't really apply unless the person playing the violin is naked. I don't think this is THAT kind of book.

The violin player is wearing clothes and she doesn't seem to mind that Gretchen is starting in her window like some kind of stalker. Her name is Madison and she's the same age as Gretchen. She says she's seen Gretchen around and goes into an intense bout of word vomit. Gretchen tells us that Madison reminds her of a bird and her skin is colorless.

Fuck, Stine. Really?

It can't be. She can be pale but she's still A COLOR. What is WRONG with you?

Stine + anatomy = fail

Madison invites Gretchen inside and they chat for awhile. Then Madison says she has to go to the department store to pick up a dress she ordered. She asks Gretchen to come along and Gretchen agrees because she needs some new workout clothes.

So Stine is doing something annoying at the end of his chapters. And I can hear you saying “Duh. He's STINE.” But this is different. Yes, the tire blowout was a regular cliffy, but most of his chapters are ending with some variation of: “She had no idea how much trouble a visit to a department store would cause.” It's like little spoilers for the chapter ahead and it's irritating.

Naturally, Madison and Gretchen run into Devra in the department store her dad owns because that's just Gretchen's luck. She tells Madison that she inadvertently caused Devra to lose her guaranteed spot on the squad and Madison is horrified. She tells Gretchen that Devra is a dirty fighter who holds a grudge. She calls Devra a “psycho” and Gretchen immediately asks if Devra's dangerous. I can't even get upset about this anymore, y'all. I've ranted and ranted about the crazy/dangerous thing. Just read one of the old blogs or something. I'm determined to find peace with this before it drives me to drink.

Madison takes off to pick up her dress and Gretchen heads for the athletic wear area. She's looking at tights when suddenly someone crashes into her. It's Sid and Gretchen isn't sure she buys that it was an accident. Sid tells her that he feels like there's something between them and then he moves in for a kiss. Gretchen says no and tries to get away but he backs her into a counter and kisses her anyway. Not cool, buddy. But, of course, Gretchen didn't really mean no and she kisses back. They mack on each other for a bit and then Gretchen comes up for air. She sees Devra glaring at them both.

It's a new day now and Gretchen and Madison are meeting at the diner across the street from the school for a quick dinner before Madison has violin practice. Madison introduces Gretchen to Rachel (their waitress) who is a year ahead of them in school. Rachel mentions that she's heard that Devra has it in for Gretchen which really makes Gretchen's day. Gretchen and Madison talk about a concert that Madison's preparing for and really stressed out about. Stine writes Madison all over the place. One minute she's laughing and the next she's snapping at Gretchen. It's a little confusing to read and just makes me wonder if Madison needs some professional help. After she leaves, Gretchen goes on a little mind bend of her own. She tells us the diner gets all blurry and everything is brighter and louder. She keeps seeing Devra's face swimming around her in a nightmarish swarm. Then the chapter ends as Devra slips into the booth across from her.

Two of Devra's fingers are bandaged and, when Gretchen asks, Devra tells her that she burned them while trying to strip some furniture. Because that's what teenage girls do in their spare time. Stine really has his finger on the pulse of teen culture. Devra gets to the point pretty quickly and tells Gretchen that she's a senior and this is her last year to actually be a part of the squad. Gretchen, on the other hand, is a junior and would have another chance next year. Devra wants her to deliberately blow the tryout the next day. She tells Gretchen that she'll be named as an alternate and she's sure to get to cheer a game or two and then next year she can have Devra's spot.

Gretchen says she won't do it and Devra offers her a $1000 credit at Daddy's department store. Gretchen turns it down which I find a little hard to believe. She must really love cheerleading. Devra is frustrated. She says she needs the squad for college. When the bribe doesn't work, she switches to a threat. She tells Gretchen that Stacy won't be too happy to hear that Gretchen has been crawling up Sid in public places. Gretchen still doesn't budge and the chapter ends with the two of them snarking at each other.

Gretchen goes home to an empty house. She's feeling sorry for herself because they don't live in the rich part of town like Devra and her own father never even calls her. The wind is blowing the overgrown branches against the house and the noise starts to freak Gretchen out. She tries to call Madison but gets voice mail. She decides to call Polly because Polly always helps her “get her head straight”. Before she can, the doorbell rings. She goes to open the door and finds no one there.

She goes back inside and then hears a sharp knock on the living room window. It's louder and more deliberate sounding than the branches. When she goes to investigate she finds nothing. Then there's a knock on the back door. Again no one is there and Gretchen begins to suspect her house is haunted. Well, it IS Fear Street so I guess it's possible. I mean, there was a demon child in the last one of these I recapped. She's just shutting the back door when the doorbell rings again. She's well and truly freaked now but she goes to open the door again.

It's her mom.

She asks if her mom tapped the window and knocked at the back door, but of course she didn't. Something catches Gretchen's eye on the bush outside of the house. She goes to investigate and finds Devra's bandana caught in the branches.

It's Saturday now and the day of the tryouts. Gretchen wakes up super early, nervous about the day. She calls Polly but we only get to hear Gretchen's side of the conversation. I'm hoping that means Polly doesn't actually exist. (Pretty please, Stine?) I went back to the beginning to look and we didn't hear Polly's side of the conversation then either.

Gretchen wants to do some practicing in her backyard but it's raining. She's a bundle of nervous energy. Finally it's time to leave. Her mother wanders downstairs then and asks where Gretchen is going which is the WRONG FUCKING THING TO SAY. Gretchen completely loses her ish and reminds her mom about tryouts. Mrs Page asks if she can give Gretchen a hug and is reluctantly granted this enormous favor from the disgruntled princess. Then Mrs Page has the balls to say that it wouldn't be the end of the world if Gretchen didn't make the squad. It would, in fact, give her a chance to settle in and focus on her studies.

That picture isn't just MY interpretation of Gretchen's mental state. She actually tells us that she feels like a big red bomb about to explode. She screams at her mother for a bit about being unsupportive and generally awful and then leaves in disgust.

Gretchen reaches the gym and suddenly Stine introduces us to every single cheerleader ever in existence. We've already met Punky Courtney and Captain Stacy. Then there's Perky Ana, Serious Becka, and Shannon who is our only person of color so far in this book. They all pretty much ignore Gretchen.

Coach calls things to a start and tells Devra she's going to go first. Only Stacy and Coach will vote for who makes it to the team. Devra does her tryout and Gretchen relaxes. Devra is good but not great and she doesn't remember to smile and look like she's having fun. Gretchen busts out all of her best cheerleader moves. Stine must have really done his research because all the kicks have names. I mean....I guess they're the right names. I wouldn't know if they weren't. She does some tumbling and leaves the floor.

Stacy and Coach begin to conference as Devra raises protests. She wants another chance to show off her tumbling. She didn't realize that jumping around like a “circus clown” was what the tryout required. Meanwhile, Gretchen is sweaty and thirsty. She sees a water bottle near where Devra is sitting and asks if she can have it. Devra says to take it. Gretchen drinks the whole thing and immediately begins to feel sick. She ends up vomiting all over the gym floor. Coach comes over and inspects the bottle. She says something has been deliberately put into the water and the chapter ends.

We jump to Gretchen at home on the phone with Polly. Again, Polly NEVER speaks during this conversation.

Gretchen tells Polly that Devra tried to poison her but it doesn't matter because Gretchen got the spot anyway. Then the doorbell rings and Gretchen hangs up to answer it. Sid is there and the two of them begin to make out despite the fact she just threw up poison a few paragraphs ago. Speaking of, why isn't she in the hospital getting blood tests or something. She could go into organ failure or something.

Stine + anatomy = fail

They end up horizontal (but fully clothed) on the couch. They kiss, they talk, they kiss. She asks about Stacy and he gives her the story we've heard a million times already. They've known each other since they were two. They've dated forever. Going to the same college. Parents expect marriage. He's tried to break up with her but she pretends it didn't happen. Blah. Blah. Blah. This story is in every cheater's handbook.

Sid leaves and Gretchen is feeling pretty damn pleased with herself despite the poison circulating through her system and destroying her kidneys. Okay, that last part isn't true but I think it probably should be given that she ingested POISON. Then Devra texts her. There are two messages and she doesn't even bother to try to disguise her number.

“YOU COULD BREAK YOUR NECK”

“SOMETIMES CHEERLEADERS DIE”

That's some good writing, Stine.

Gretchen heads over to Madison's house to show her the messages. Madison wants her to report them to Coach but before Gretchen can decide she get's another one.

“GIVE ME A K-I-L-L”

Suddenly we're in Coach's office. Coach says that they need to take the text messages to the principal but first they'll talk to Devra. She calls Devra into the office and shows her the messages. Devra instantly denies sending them. She says her phone was stolen and it's been missing. Could it be because Gretchen has it and she's sending the messages to herself? Pretty please? Devra is completely in my head because she accuses Gretchen of stealing the phone and sending the messages to herself.

It's the next day now. Stacy and Coach are meeting but there's no practice. Stacy says the decision should be easy because it's clear who the best person for the squad is. Coach says it isn't that easy and it isn't really up to just the two of them. They have to go to the Principal's office and hear what he has to say before a decision is made.

Principal Hernandez sits them down and tells them that Devra's father contributes more than a third of the school's development money every year and the school can't do without it. So Principal H has promised him that Devra will be on the squad. Coach and Stacy both protest that Gretchen is the best candidate but he holds firm. He tells them that they can't tell anyone but it's too late. For some reason, Gretchen has been standing at the door the whole time and she's heard everything.

Why is she there? The only person who knew they were going to Hernandez's office was Coach and didn't tell anyone except Stacy. Why would Gretchen be there? Is she stalking Stacy? Or the coach? Weird. (Note from future me: this NEVER gets explained.)

We jump back into Gretchen's head. She and Madison are at the mall drowning Gretchen's sorrows in cheesecake. Madison is trying to make her feel better by saying that at least Gretchen is an alternate and will probably get to sub in a few times. Plus, Devra will probably stop being nasty now that she's gotten what she wants. Gretchen is a million miles a way and out of the blue, she mutters “I still have the knife.” She repeats it twice and then seems to snap out of it. She totally killed Polly didn't she??

Sid shows up at the restaurant with another girl and Gretchen is furious. She inferred from their horizontal make out session that he was going to dump Stacy for HER. She walks over and says hi. Sid introduces the girl as his cousin Maya and Gretchen feel embarrassed that she suspected him of cheating on Stacy. Ahem. I mean on HER.

After school the next afternoon, she gets a text from Stacy saying there's a meeting in the gym at 8 that night. Mrs Page doesn't want her to go but Gretchen turns into a shrew as usual and gets her way. Her mom seems afraid of her. Hmmm. Gretchen shows up for the meeting and no one else is there. She waits for about fifteen minutes alone in the gym. Then the lights go out. She screams for a bit for someone to turn them back on but she remains in the dark. She begins to hear footsteps coming for her. She smells Devra's perfume.

Gretchen tries to leave but the doors are locked. Then she feels someone rushing toward her. She doesn't move or anything, because that would just be rude, so the person slams into her and knocks her down. Gretchen hears the doors open and the person running away.

The next day, Stacy announces that it's time for fire baton practice. They use them at halftime and it will be Gretchen's job, as alternate, to light them and hand them to each cheerleader. This seems like a job an adult should do, but whatever.  Coach asks Sid to get them a bucket of kerosene and some batons so they can practice outside. This seems safe. {eye roll}

Sid provides a bucket of kerosene, a bucket of water, some batons, a rag and a lighter. Then he hightails it out of there. Smart boy. Stacy demonstrates how they dip each end of the baton in kerosene, wipe the excess off with the rag to be sure that no kerosene is on the wooden handle, and then light the ends. Gretchen does one of her own and wants to twirl it but Stacy stops her. She says it takes lots of practice to be able to twirl them safely. Gretchen is just going to go ahead and do it anyway, but Coach stops her by coming out and calling them into practice for a “surprise”.

The surprise turns out to be new uniforms. Each girl has a box with her name on it. They take them and head to the locker room to change. Gretchen puts hers on and it feels stiff and scratchy. She goes to the mirror and discovers that there are hundreds of roaches in her sweater and they start crawling up her neck and into her hair.

So before I NOPE THE HELL OUT OF HERE, let me call bullshit on this one. There's no way she didn't notice them before she put the sweater on. She would have seen them moving around. Plus, some would have just been hanging out in the box. Now I'm out.

Time Passes In Real Life

Coach comes in and tries to get Gretchen to take the uniform off but now Gretchen is mad. She completely ignores the roaches from here on out. She goes up and accuses Devra of sabotaging her uniform all the while roaches are crawling all over her body and into her hair. {shudder}  Devra denies and Coach continues to try to urge Gretchen to the showers. Gretchen says she can prove that Devra was involved. Sure enough, the uniforms came from Devra's daddy's department store.

Gretchen goes home and showers forever but she can still feel them walking all over her. {shudder} She decides to call Polly and THIS time we actually get conversation from Polly's end.

They talk about cheerleading. {{{{{{{{Yawn.}}}}}}}} Gretchen tells Polly how nervous she is about the fire batons. Then Mrs Page comes in and Gretchen ends the call. Gretchen and her mom spend a couple of pages with Mrs Page being passive/aggressive and Gretchen being a shrew and I have to {{{{{{{{Yawn}}}}}}}} again. This is getting so old.

Gretchen needs some air so she heads to Madison's house. She tells Madison about the roaches and Madison is confused. She can't figure out why Devra is persisting when she's won the spot. But she tells Gretchen that she might be able to help her. She knows all kinds of things about Devra.  Naturally we don't get to hear any of them.

It's game time now. Gretchen gets ready for her first time lighting the fire batons.  Someone should be supervising her but that would ruin Stine's plot.  She's supposed to hand the first one to Devra and the second to Stacy. She dips one end, uses the rag, dips the other end and then lights both sides.  She goes to hand the baton to Devra but Devra doesn't take it. She suddenly doubles over with stomach cramps. Stacy takes it instead and runs off to do her routine.

Part One ends with Stacy going up in flames.

Part Two

It's the Monday after the game and Gretchen is called into the principal's office along with Coach. They ask her if she noticed anything strange having to do with the batons and she mentions Devra suddenly not taking one. It doesn't have the intended effect. Principal H asks her if she deliberately sabotaged that baton in an effort to hurt Devra since Devra was the one that was supposed to take it. Gretchen is her usual shrewish self and she sobs and screams at them for accusing her. It's a great way to convince them she's not volatile. {eye roll}

Gretchen leaves the meeting and finds Sid out by her car. He wraps her in a hug and tries to make her feel better. Stacy is stable but with 3^rd degree burns over her arms and chest. There's some question whether she'll ever use her right arm again. Gretchen feels horrible for Stacy but she's enjoying Sid's comfort. Courtney spots them and isn't amused that Gretchen is putting the moves on Sid as soon as Stacy isn't around. Then Courtney tells Gretchen to leave Devra alone. This sets Gretchen off again. She starts screaming that Devra is ruining her life. Stine sure likes to have his protagonists act like harpies. Courtney replies that Devra hasn't done ish and she's tired of being accused of every little thing that happens to Gretchen.

That night at dinner, Gretchen gets a frantic call from Madison. Madison wants her to come over right away because something terrible has happened but she won't tell Gretchen what it involves over the phone. I hate it when people do that. Gretchen tells her mom she needs to go, but her mom blocks her way. She reminds Gretchen that she promised to help with the photo albums that night because they're a complete mess.

Well, that sounds legit.

Gretchen screams again (I wonder how many times Stine has used that word in this book? I'd go back and count but I'm 160 pages in and it would take forever. Trust me, it's A LOT.) but ultimately loses the fight and goes to help her mom with the albums. She doesn't even text Madison to let her know she's not coming after all. Considerate.

We've skipped ahead to the day of Madison's orchestra performance. Gretchen is sitting with Ana. I completely forgot who that was, but context clues tell me it's one of the cheerleaders. Ana says Principal H has banned the fire batons. Seems like a good idea to me. Ana asks if Gretchen has been to the hospital to visit Stacy and is surprised when Gretchen says no. It really does seem like the human thing to do – visiting the girl you accidentally set on fire – but Gretchen seems shocked that Ana would expect her too. She says she's getting updates from Sid and that surprises Ana even more. She can't believe Gretchen is seeing Sid behind Stacy's back.

Madison takes the stage along with the professional players. Gretchen is excited for her. They begin to play but about ten seconds into the performance, Madison starts screaming that she's being burned. Gretchen can see that Madison's neck and chin are a deep red color. Then blood begins to spurt from Madison's neck and she collapses to the floor. People start shouting for someone to call 911 and the chapter ends with Principal H's announcement that Madison is no longer breathing.

Madison is dead by the start of the next chapter. Gretchen tells us that someone filled her chin rest with acid and it burned right through her neck and her aorta causing her to bleed out in seconds. I'm not sure how possible this is. The acid would have burned through the chin rest and the violin if it was that corrosive and Madison would have noticed and not used it.  Plus, how would it have stayed on the chin rest in the first place?  It would have spilled when she took it out of the case.  For pete's sake it would have eaten THROUGH the case.  This is pretty improbable even for Stine.

Gretchen suspects Devra, of course, because Devra burned herself with the furniture stripper. But it didn't fucking eat through her hand, Gretchen. THINK.

Gretchen wants to tell the police about Madison's phone call. She tells Sid about it and says she thinks Madison had discovered something horrible about Devra and that's why Devra had to kill her. Sid isn't so sure. It turns out Gretchen never even found out what Madison wanted to tell her. She didn't bother to call or text or email or use flashlights to do morse code or send a carrier pigeon or anything. Sid points out that Gretchen can't be sure that what Madison had to tell her had anything to do with Devra and Gretchen does her shrew thang. Finally Sid says he's going to the hospital to be with Stacy and Gretchen can tell her story to the police if she thinks it's so important. She does end up doing that, but the police seem unimpressed.

The next chapter begins with Gretchen face-timing with Polly. It's basically just a review of what's happened so far. The only new information is that there's going to be a cheerleading retreat in the woods. Sounds like a great idea.

Gretchen leaves to attend a cheerleading meeting. Courtney gives some big speech about how it's the cheerleaders responsibility to make sure the school gets back to normal after the horrific events. She also asks Gretchen to do some totally bitchin' tumbling at the game on Friday to heal the crowd. Because double aerial somersaults totally make up for one student being set on fire at a football game and one student being brutally killed at an assembly.

After the meeting, Gretchen goes for a drive with Sid. They flirt and joke around. Gretchen says she has to get back for dinner and Sid tries to invite himself over. She asks why they never go to his house. Sid says his dad lost his job and he takes things out on Sid and his mom but he doesn't want to talk about it. Gretchen says that her mom is pretty bad too. She's always putting Gretchen down and trying to make her feel small.

On the drive back to Gretchen's house, Sid tells her that it looks like Stacy will regain use of her right hand. She's been moving the fingers. Then he tells Gretchen that she should really go visit Stacy because she's the only one on the squad that hasn't been. Gretchen is seriously awful, y'all. She really should have been the first one there. Gretchen whines that it would be too awkward considering she set Stacy on fire and then stole her boyfriend. 

It's game night now and the stands are only about half full. Coach says a lot of the parents are protesting because it's too soon after Madison's death to be having a football game. It's foggy at the beginning of the game and by halftime it's drizzling. Gretchen's big somersault thing is supposed to be during halftime but things start to go wrong right from the beginning. Shannon and Becka are supposed to help her with the initial boost and then Shannon is supposed to catch her after her double somersault. When the routine starts, though, Shannon is way over on the side and Devra is beside her. Devra tells her that Shannon hurt her ankle and isn't confident that she can catch Gretchen so Devra said she'd do it. Gretchen thinks about punking out but doesn't want to disappoint Coach so she goes through with it. Despite her dire predictions of doom, it goes fine and Devra catches her with no incident.

Sid comes over the next afternoon to help Gretchen clean out the garage. The previous tenant left a bunch of stuff behind and Mrs Page has rented a dumpster to get rid of it all. We're 200 pages in and FINALLY Gretchen asks someone to explain Fear Street to her. Sid brushes her off for some reason and only says that weird stuff happens there. Maybe Stine got bored and didn't want to write it. They work for about an hour and a half without finding anything interesting and then Sid makes a discovery. Gretchen's backpack is by the wall. She says she doesn't know how it got there. Sid opens it for some reason and pulls out a half-full jar of sulphuric acid.

Guys. You know the story I'm afraid Stine is writing instead of the one I want him to write? I'm afraid he's going to make it Mrs Page. Like the whole Texas cheerleader thing? Please tell me I'm going to get Gretchen as a bad guy instead. Please?

Sid accuses Gretchen and she gets butthurt. She says she wouldn't be stupid enough to leave the murder weapon in her own backpack in her own garage. Which is what they all say. Gretchen's theory is that Devra is framing her for murder and she drags Sid along to confront her. On the way, Sid tells Gretchen about Devra's amazing house and Gretchen gets EXTREMELY jealous. Sid makes it worse by saying Devra would be at riding lessons just then. Which he knows because his cousin works at the stables but Gretchen assumes he knows because he's been cheating.

Um, Gretch? He IS cheating. On Stacy. With YOU.

Gretchen continues to drive to Devra's house anyway. She wants to break in and snoop around. She thinks if she goes in and doesn't find the acid Devra was using to strip furniture then it will prove that Devra killed Madison and tried to frame her.

Do people really use sulphuric acid to strip furniture? This seems dangerous. I'm going to Google. Wait here for me. And don't go snooping through my hard drive. It's private, Nosy Nancy.

I'm back. You look guilty. Did you snoop?

I started by Googling the word “sulphuric” because my spellcheck keeps asking me to spell it with an “f” instead. The “ph” seems to be correct. Then I did some searching to see if it's used in furniture stripping. The general consensus is no. No, it is not. It's far too dangerous for home use. It does appear in certain drain cleaners and batteries and things like that, but a person does not just have a jar of it to use for stripping paint. There are several acids you CAN use to strip paint, but all the articles I read specifically said NOT to use sulphuric acid. It's dangerous even if inhaled. So Devra would not have been using it to strip furniture and a quick Google search on their phones would have revealed that.

I would also like to remind everyone that enormous houses filled with valuable things usually have alarms. Just sayin'.

They break into the garage first but it's clear that there hasn't been any furniture restoring going on in there. Gretchen thinks the basement is the next logical place to try and lo and behold they find an unlocked door leading right into the basement. They find a workshop in there and something that can only be the restoration project. Sid searches the shelves and finds a bottle of muriatic acid which 100% IS the right thing to use to remove paint. I discovered that with my Google search. At that point, Gretchen pulls out a phone and finally does what I did a chapter ago. She discovers what I already told you. Then they hear a car out front.

Devra, meanwhile, is across town visiting Stacy. She had to get the room number from the nurse and she's shocked at Stacy's appearance which clearly means she hasn't been to visit before. But Stine told us a few chapters ago that Gretchen was the ONLY one who hadn't visited. I hate it when authors can't keep track of their own damn story. Anyway, Courtney is there too. Stacy says she's regained movement in both hands but the burns to her chest were severe and not healing quickly. She also reveals that her parents are meeting with lawyers to sue the school. Devra says that they should sue Gretchen instead and then blurts out that she feels guilty because she thinks the sabotaged baton was meant for her. The other girls accuse her of being paranoid and say that Gretchen is innocent.

Back in the basement. Gretchen and Sid are almost discovered by Devra's dad and then by Devra and it's all incredibly stupid with Stine's inability to write real tension. They manage to escape, of course.

We don't even get a new chapter when we take our next time jump. Now Gretchen is getting packed for the cheer retreat. Her mom is annoying her as usual and Gretchen is being a shrew as usual. I'm so tired of her screaming everything. And don't roll your eyes at me. When I type in all caps I'm not screaming. Usually. Usually I'm just trying to emphasize a word and the color of the background of this blog makes bold not so noticeable.

The retreat is going to last four days and there's no cell signal or Wi-Fi. I've mentioned this before, but as a parent I would never allow my child to travel to a place where they had no communication in case of an emergency. It's dangerous. And I don't believe that any parent would be comfortable with this considering one student was seriously hurt and another murdered so recently.

We jump into Mrs Page's head because Stine wants to tell us something and he can't figure out how to do it without putting us into a head we've never been in. It's weird to be in a new head in the last 40 pages but it's his book and he can do what he wants. Mrs Page sees Gretchen off and then thinks to herself what a miserable bitch she's raising. Maybe not in those EXACT words but it was definitely the gist. She goes upstairs and finds Gretchen's room a complete mess. Gretchen's phone is laying on the desk and Mrs Page can't help herself. She picks it up and starts going through it. Dick move. A person's phone is the equivalent of a diary these days. You don't snoop.

She doesn't find anything particularly interesting until she investigates the call log. She's horrified by what she finds there and starts crying.

The calls to “Polly”? Oh, please, oh, please.

She immediately calls the school, hoping that the bus hasn't left yet. Principal H tells her that it left already and Mrs Page says she'll be right down to talk to him.

So is the retreat taking place during the school week? That's odd. School's don't usually like their students to miss almost an entire week of school for something like that. But it must be a weekday because otherwise why would the principal be there? I guess he could be there to supervise the bus loading or whatever. I don't know. I'm almost done. Let's just move on.

We briefly land back in Gretchen's head. She knows she left her phone behind and she's annoyed. She's also annoyed that Sid and Devra are sitting together in the back of the bus. It appears they're fighting about something and she's pissed that she can't hear what it's about.

Now back to Mrs Page.

Oh. My. God.

Mrs Page bursts into Principal H's office and reveals that Gretchen has been making daily calls to Polly again. The problem with this, you see, is that Gretchen killed Polly two years ago.

He did it again! He gave me my book! Two out of a million, but still.

Part Three

And then he takes it back.

Sigh.

Gretchen didn't really kill Polly but she was responsible for her death. It was a car accident and Gretchen was at fault. Polly was killed and Gretchen had some mental health issues afterwards. She retreated from the world. After awhile, they found the right medication and the right therapist and Gretchen returned to her old self. 

Mostly.

There have been "incidents" here and there. They always start with phone calls to Polly. Then, in each new school, on each new squad, Gretchen would single out one girl and then make it look like that girl was out to get her. She'd do things to hurt herself and blame the girl for it. She'd try to turn everyone against the girl and make it look like the girl was hurting her. The last time, they'd found a knife in her dresser.

Principal H points out that Gretchen's been doing that exact thing to Devra. He admonishes her for not making the school aware of Gretchen's problems and he has a massively good point. Then he asks if Gretchen is dangerous and Mrs Page replies that they need to get her away from the cheerleaders as soon as possible.

I still count this. It's close enough. I like the story he's telling here.

We're back with Gretchen now but it's different. Stine starts writing in a disjointed manner to simulate her crumbling sanity. She's upset about Sid and Devra screaming at each other on the bus. They arrive at the camp and she's assigned a cabin with Becka and Shannon. Their first meeting is in the mess hall. We aren't told what happens because we're in Gretchen's convoluted head now, but she says the screaming starts again and it's worse this time. She knows she has to stop it. She runs to her cabin and gets the knife.

We're back with Mrs Page and Principal H. They're in his SUV racing to camp. Mrs Page is making excuses for why she didn't notify the school about the previous incidents and they're pretty thin. Principal H lets her off the hook somewhat by saying he isn't sure they would have done anything differently even if they HAD known. Except maybe tell her mother when she started making accusations about Devra so she would have known to get her daughter some help????? Seriously.

They make it to camp just in time to see Gretchen go running into the mess hall with the knife held high.

Oh, Stine.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Sid is holding Devra at knifepoint and Gretchen has retrieved HER knife to make him drop HIS knife. I hate Stine again. Why the FUCK did she bring her knife if she wasn't planning to use it?

Sid is doing his bad guy monologue......

…...so I guess I have to accept this. I thought I had it, y'all. I thought he wrote me the right story. It was in my hands and now it's gone.

Sid says he never intended to burn Stacy. It was supposed to be Devra because Devra ruined his life. He says he did all the bad things – the texts, the poison in the water bottle, the roaches and the gym incident – so that Devra would be blamed for them. She had his dad fired. His dad used to work for her dad in the shoe department but Devra saw him being rude to a customer and had him fired. Then he turned on the family and Sid's life went to hell.

I notice he didn't mention Madison. Dare I hope?

No.

I daren't.

Sid says Madison had video of him wiping kerosene on the baton in order to try to set Devra on fire. He had to kill her. At this point, Gretchen bounds forward and punches him and the day is saved.

So what was the fucking point of her calling Polly? Did it even matter to you, Stine? Because it mattered to me. {sob} I hate you.

We're at the end now. Some of the cheerleaders are talking about having a surprise party for one of the other cheerleaders. I don't care who. Gretchen gets off the phone and then she immediately gets a text.

YOU KILLED ME, GRETCHEN. BUT I'M NOT GOING AWAY. BFF Polly.

Why isn't “Polly” in caps? I hate you, Stine.

The End.

Final Thoughts: This one was better than the demon child one. He got my hopes up for the right book and then took it all away from me. It was so mean. I will never expect the right book from him again. He's a lying liar who lies.  Plus it was a huge fucking coincidence that Sid - without knowing Gretchen's history - chose to do things that exactly fit Gretchen's previous MO.  If you think about that, it doesn't make any sense.  Add in the calls to Polly and the knife packed for no reason and this story is so full of holes you can see right through it.  Do better, Stine.  Be better.