Warning: There will be spoilers ahead. This is a recap which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.
Tag line: She would do anything to be popular.
From the back of the book: She wants it all. But he wants more. The cheerleader. Beautiful and popular. The girl Althea longs to be. Althea is a nobody. She gets no phone calls, shares no laughter, has no friends. Then in the strange dark circular tower, she meets the Vampire. "Suppose," he says with an evil smile, "that I could make you popular." All Althea has to do is agree to a simple bargain. An evil bargain.
This book came out in 1991 when I was solidly in the middle of my "vampire phase" so I am honestly surprised that I missed this one. I can only imagine that I saw a cheerleader on the cover and skipped over it without ever reading the back. I read a recap of this book on another site and they eviscerated it, so I went into this one fully prepared to hate it. Boy, was I surprised. I'm not going to tell you I loved it. I'm not going to tell you it wasn't stupid. But if I was locked in a room and had to choose between this and Party Line (see last recap), I would grab this one out of your hands so fast there would be smoke.
So we begin with our protagonist Althea (hereafter referred to as Al) in the tower room of her house talking in her whispery, tremulous voice to someone she only refers to as "It". She describes "It" as being the color of mushrooms. I suppose since he's a vampire, my mind should have conjured up the white mushrooms for reference here, but I went instantly to the brown ones that are on my pizza. Not quite what Cooney was going for, I imagine. We also find out that "It" smells like mold and decay and has fingernails like foil. Yeah, this is someone I'd want to hang out with in a creepy tower.
We find out that Althea is a nobody at her school. She's unloved, unnoticed and unpopular. In middle school she had a group of friends and her phone was constantly ringing but they grew apart and drifted away by the time they reached high school. I can relate. We've all had this happen and it sucks. "It" asks her who the popular crowd is and Al immediately thinks of the cheerleaders. They are the hub of the social wheel at her school. Al yearns to be one of them with all her being. "It" asks her if there's a person who Al wishes had never made the squad and that's when we first hear of Celeste. She's younger than the rest of the varsity squad but she's clearly the queen bee. Al's jealousy of Celeste is palpable and "It" doesn't fail to pick up on that. "It" tells her that Celeste could lose her place on the squad easily enough and the competition to replace her could go missing if she does "It" a little favor and brings Celeste to him.
Al feigns a little reluctance at least. She would love to have a spot on the squad. She would love to be part of the popular crowd so she could get closer to Michael. According to Al, Michael is masculine perfection and all that's standing between him and Al is a set of pom poms. Well, that and his girlfriend Constance but why bring her into this? Are you trying to bust Al's bubble here? What did she ever do to you?
Anyway, her conscience gives her a tiny prick and she asks what would happen to Celeste. "It" tells her that Celeste will be fine. She'll be a bit "tuckered out" but back at school the next day. We are finally told that "It" is a vampire now and Al leaves to think about his offer.
The next day is a school day and we get a rather florid description of Celeste. I'm just going to quote directly because you shouldn't miss this bit of prose. "Celeste wafted down the halls of high school like a sunset of spun gold..." What on earth does that even mean? I think we're supposed to picture Celeste as a graceful, flitting ray of beautiful, shiny sunshine going merrily through the halls of her school. I think. But for me, "wafted" is something that smoke does...or the odor that comes from a person who just ate a plate of beans does. So my mind paints this image of a giant ball of gold glitter slowly spreading through the hallway like tendrils of smoke. "Look out, Celeste is wafting again." "Be careful, Jessica, you're going to get Celeste all over your new shirt." "OMG, does she have to do that here???"
Sorry, I got off track. Anyway, we go to eat in the cafeteria with Al. Celeste is up ahead and we know she's popular and beautiful because she barely gets any food at all and doesn't actually eat it. Everyone knows the pretty ones exist solely on air and the tears of the uglies. In contrast, Al's tray is described as full and heavy so that cements her status as a nobody. It all comes down to the food, y'all. It all comes down to the food. She has no one to sit with at lunch. Are you surprised? The chick is carrying actual food here like a banner that says "I require nutrients to fuel my body systems so therefore I must be shunned." Jeez Al. Get a clue.
She wanders over toward the popular table and walks behind them so she can eavesdrop. Maybe she's hoping a little of Celeste will waft on her and she'll get cool by accidental contamination. They are telling stories and she stands there imagining herself in them. It's a little on the creepy obsessive side. They notice this person holding a full tray of food standing there basking in their golden glow and Al's surprised when Ryan greets her. Celeste asks if she's the one that lives in the big spooky house and wants to know if it's haunted. Al says there's no ghost but there is a "shuttered room" in the attic that no one can go in. It's like dangling catnip in front of kittens. Suddenly everyone wants to get into Al's shuttered room. Wow, that sounds dirty.
We learn that Al broke the "rules" at some point and went into the shuttered room and opened the shutters and that somehow freed the vampire. That's really weird. Now I'm going to be all terrified to open shutters. I don't want to accidentally release some thing with skin like mushrooms and nails like foil. Do you think this applies to curtains? Are mini-blinds safe? I think I'll just live in darkness from here on out.
Celeste tells Al that she lives way out of town and she has to beg for rides. She lives so far out that no one ever wants to give her a ride twice. Al invites her to come over after school but Celeste tells her that she has cheer practice. For some reason this puts Al into a rage and she drives angrily around after school until she suddenly realizes she has a CAR! (gasp) She comes to this stunning conclusion as she's driving it. Oh, Al. You're becoming harder and harder to relate to here. Anyway, she has a CAR and can give Celeste a ride home!!! Not only that, but she can give Celeste a ride EVERYWHERE FOR ALL TIME AND ETERNITY!!!! Surely Celeste will waft on her in the car. There's nowhere else for that shit to go in an enclosed place.
Al returns to school and heads out to watch cheer practice. She offers Celeste a ride after and they go back to Al's house for awhile to hang out. I don't think she actually ever went up into the tower room but we learn later that it wasn't necessary for her to be in the room with the vamp in order for him to do his thang. (And then, in the end, we get a sentence or two that seems to contradict this entirely but that's Cooney for you and this glaring plot hole is not even an isolated incident in this book unfortunately.) After she takes Celeste home, Al goes up to visit the vamp. She tells us his skin has darkened like rotting fruit and looks spongy. His fingernails look like they are coming detatched and she thinks about harvesting them in a little basket because that's a totally normal thought in this situation, y'all. Seriously, Al. This is why you have no friends. Well, this and the fact you exist on food.
The vamp tells her that he was able to "migrate within Celeste's boundaries". Yuck. Is that what they're calling it now? Since he's in her boundaries, he was able to visit her and it's begun. Al will now be popular and make the squad.
Sure enough, she goes to school and everyone suddenly greets her by name and wants to talk to her and generally just be in her orbit. Ryan is all up in her face wanting to bring his telescope over so he can stargaze from her shuttered room. Oh, Ryan, don't you know that Michael and his masculine perfection is the only one Al wants up in her shuttered room? Stop bringing up that girlfriend!! What's wrong with you people?!?!
Guys, the popular kids hang out at McDonalds after school. Their town is even more lame than ours.
Celeste looks dull and limp and tired. I guess she's done wafting now. People are kind of treating her awful and I feel bad for her because Celeste was actually a likable character. It's making me hate Al. I think Cooney messed up here. If she wanted us to root for Al, she should have made Celeste a raging bitch so we wouldn't mind so much when she gets turned into week-old lettuce.
At McDonalds Ryan eats a Big Mac in four bites. This has absolutely nothing to do with the plot of the book but I found it super alarming.
Becky wants to have a party at Al's house but Al is worried about her resident vampire and tries to get out of it. It's at this point that I realize that there has been zero mention of parents in this book. Yes, I know it's a Point Horror and parents are like unicorns in these books but they are usually mentioned. They're in Europe most of the time (because Europe seems to be the only foreign destination that Point Horror authors know about) but at some point the main character refers to them. Al never refers to her parents at all. Did she hatch? Was she grown in a lab? Is she a pod person? We never find out.
Celeste is forced to quit the cheerleading squad because she's too pooped to pep. Hardly anyone shows up for tryouts and Al makes it on the squad. The JV cheerleaders are super pissed that one of them isn't simply going to get promoted up to varsity instead of having a second set of tryouts. They have a point and the coach seems to know it but she's under the influence of the vamp and can't actually do the right thing so she tells them that this change will only last until football season is over and then they'll have a third set of tryouts for the basketball season. Football season only has a couple of weeks left and Al wonders if that's as long as her popularity will last as well.
Days pass and Al is really digging this popularity gig. Even an old middle school friend named Jennie comes to talk to her. Al feels very superior to lowly Jennie during this whole conversation and even wants a little revenge on Jennie for dumping her. She thinks having a big party and rubbing her popularity in Jennie's face will feel very satisfying. I can't even with Al anymore, y'all. I. Just. Can't. Even.
The vamp about wets his pants with excitement about the party. He starts to gleefully ponder who he wants next because Celeste wasn't near enough payment for all that Al has gained. He says if he wants to keep her popularity she has to "give" him someone else but he'll let her choose because he's all generous like that. He tells her to show him her choice by putting her arm around someone's shoulder at the party and he'll take that person.
The party is wild, guys. I mean kids are watching a movie, listening to a radio talk show and sitting on the stairs talking. Whoop whoop. I'm surprised the police haven't arrived to break all the mayhem up. Jennie and Al take a little jaunt down memory lane and Al forgets what the hell is going on and puts her arm around Jennie's shoulder in affection. The kitchen starts to smell like mold and rot and Jennie gets all zombie-ish and heads outside even as Al screams she didn't mean it.
After the party, Al gets all rock-star on us and starts wrecking her own house. She's breaking things and throwing furniture around. It's not like it matters. She has no parents. The vamp tells her to calm the eff down because it's not like Jennie was best friend of the year anyway and Al realizes he's right and decides Jennie was an okay sacrifice. Nice girl, our Al.
On Monday Al's still the star of the school and Jennie is absent. Al wisely deduces that the vamp is eventually going to ask for someone else and she starts looking around for her next victim. She begins to see herself as powerful and actually compares herself to Zeus with his lightning bolt. Becky is on the fringe of the group and Al benevolently bestows some of her popularity dust on Becky by inviting her over for a sleepover in front of the rest of the crowd.
Ryan and Michael invite her to go to Pizza Hut after school. From this point on, only Pizza Hut is mentioned as the cool kid hangout even though we were told early on in the book that it was McDonalds where all the in-crowd gathered. I guess Cooney forgot halfway through and inserted Pizza Hut instead. Watch out for those plot holes, y'all. You could break a bone falling into one. Al is just super excited to go out with Michael and is okay with Ryan being there. She squeezes herself between them in the front seat of his car despite the fact that's there's actually only two seats in the front. I'm trying to picture this. It's not a bench seat so is she sitting on the armrest or the gear shift or what? Is Michael going to get to third base when he shifts into reverse?
Constance shows up at Pizza Hut. You remember her - that girlfriend you won't shut up about. Al feels all dumpy and immature around her. It's clear that Michael and Constance are made for each other and share that rare high school love that you just know will go the distance. Poor Al. She's a little sad but decides that their love is the most perfect thing in the world and besides this Ryan guy will do in a pinch. They all head out and this time Al joins Ryan in the backseat so Constance can sit up front.
Michael starts to tell them about this English assignment he had where he had to do an essay on friendship. He was supposed to write about what he got from three different friendships: a childhood friend, a friend he met through a sport or activity and a friend who was older than he was. Al decides that the vamp must have influenced this assignment and he's using it to tell her who to pick next. Guys. This wasn't even her assignment. Al is so dumb. Oy. But she decides it's a sign because Jennie was a childhood friend and Celeste was a friend she met through a sport or activity so her next pick should be a friend who is older than her. Hmmm. Constance fits the bill.
Then she remembers that she has invited Becky over for a sleepover and is relieved that the vamp can just take Becky instead so Michael and Constance's perfect love will remain intact. Yeah, so screw you, Becky. No one likes you or your stupid ponytail anyway. I guess Al doesn't care about the requirements of Michael's vamp essay after all. That was a huge waste of time.
Al and Ryan start to get cozy but she's wondering if he really likes her or if the vampire has orchestrated all of this. Okay, Al, I know you're a little bit on the dim side here, but considering that Ryan didn't pay any attention to you before the vamp made you popular should be a BIG CLUE. Oy.
Becky calls later that night and they have a long chat. Al decides they're best friends now and she doesn't want Becky to get taken by the vamp so she asks if she can sleep over at Becky's instead. Becky is cool with that because her parents don't like her sleeping over at a person's house if they don't know the family and we all know Al doesn't have one. The vamp shows up after Al hangs up the phone and announces that Becky will be next.
Al gets all paranoid that the vamp is going to follow her over to Becky's house so she acts all weird over there and freaks out every time Becky wants to go outside. Becky has invited Ryan and his telescope to come over but Al refuses to star gaze. Becky goes outside because she "heard a noise in the bushes" but it's really just an effort to give Al and Ryan some alone time. Al's too freaked out about Becky getting vamped though and when Becky comes back in, Al thinks she's moving slower.
The next morning Al wakes up and has a shower and helps herself to breakfast in Becky's kitchen. Okay. I've spent the night with a lot of friends in my life. The first time you spend the night with a new friend, you do not make their house your home and raid their refrigerator. You lay in your sleeping bag or whatever starving to death until they wake up. Now after the 12th time, you end up in the kitchen making your own toast while she sleeps away the morning, but not the first time. It's just not socially acceptable, Al. Sheesh. Becky comes in all sluggish. She says she's weak and thinks she's coming down with something and says Al should probably go home so she doesn't catch it. Al decides this can't go on and she's going to go home and end this by closing all the shutters even if it means she loses everything.
Al goes to the tower and we get a dramatic scene where she tries to close the shutters and they resist being closed. There's three windows and they each have outside shutters and inside shutters. She has to close all of them to trap the vamp again and end his influence. She gets the outside ones closed and then ends up locked up in the tower. Now Al thinks about how awful it must have been for Celeste and Jennie to get trapped up here with the vamp and the terror they must have felt. Okay, there's two huge plot holes here so watch your step. First of all, Celeste and Jennie were not even trapped in the tower with the vampire. Celeste was taken in her own home where the vamp visited after he migrated in her borders while she was in Al's bedroom. Or whatever. Jennie was taken outside at that party. Second, there is no mention of Becky at all. We, as the readers, are supposed to believe that Becky was also taken at her house while Al slept. Al thought she was taken and told us it was the last straw and the reason she was closing the shutters. So why no mention of Becky? Well, it's because the author knows something we don't and has dropped the ball here. She should have mentioned Becky because that's where we are in the story but she goofed because she knows what will happen later. But back to Al. She tells the vamp he can come take her and then she feels tired and passes out.
Some time later someone pulls up outside and honks. Al smiles in her semi-consciousness and she notes that it feels like the vamp gets weaker when there's noise or happiness. She opens one of the shutters and sees Ryan down below. She tells him to blare some heavy metal music and dance. The noise and happiness allow her to leave the tower room and she runs out to Ryan. She asks him to take her to Pizza Hut.
Becky is there and she seems to be fine. The vamp didn't take her after all. Al feels like she won against the vamp and saved Becky. I don't understand her reasoning here, but I'm glad she's happy. A few days later on the team bus heading to an away game, Al realizes she's in love with Ryan. She happily pictures the rest of her high school life as his girlfriend and makes moon eyes at him across the bus. He seems pretty into her as well.
The vamp doesn't reappear for several days and she gets all cocky about it and makes me dislike her even more. When he shows back up seven days later she tells him she won't do his bidding anymore. He's like "Cool, but I hope you have fun in school tomorrow." She's confident nothing will change. But the next morning her car won't start and no one stops along the way to offer her a ride. No one talks to her at school except to snark on her. Becky and Ryan both snub her. The only place to eat lunch is between Celeste and Jennie. But worst of all, her nails are suddenly long, pointy and scarlet instead of short, glittery pink. Man, will the horror never stop for poor Al? She walks home alone after school. No one calls all night and she isn't invited to Pizza Hut so she's forced to do her homework like a loser and go to bed early.
The vamp appears to her and tells her he's sorry for having to teach her such a hard lesson. It doesn't have to keep being this way though. All she has to do is give him Constance and he'll restore her life. Becky will be her best friend and Ryan will be her boyfriend and she'll be captain of the squad. He'll never ask for another either. She isn't so sure about this. He tells her he won't be back and she can either take it or leave it.
The next day everything is back to "normal". People apologize for snubbing her the day before and she is able to bask in the popularity. She invites Ryan, Michael and Constance to come to her house after school and they accept. Constance starts to get creeped out on the way though, like she can sense the danger. This triggers some humanity in Al and she comes to the realization that there's no way the vamp will just go away and be satisfied with Constance. Eventually he'll demand someone else and she hates herself for falling into this trap. She screams at Michael to turn away from the house but he stops at the bottom of the driveway. Al is freaked that it's close enough for Constance to have her boundaries migrated so she tries to get them to leave and tells them they are uninvited. They are mostly puzzled but Ryan gets really upset with her. They kick her out of the car and leave her there alone.
Al decides to surrender to the vamp and lets him take her upstairs to the tower. He tell her not to worry about him because there are plenty of girls who will take him up on his offer of popularity after he disposes of Al. She begs him to let her be popular one last time. Then things get weird. I mean, weirder than mushroom vampires. It's all relative. The vamp hands her this invisible bundle of popularity. She cuddles it for a minute and then tells him he can shove it. He starts to lose power and she realizes that he gets his power from weak people accepting his gifts. She starts to stand up to him and he keeps weakening. She pushes her invisible popularity at him and smashes it into his face like cake or something. It weakens him enough that she is able to close all the shutters and trap him in the tower. She knows she's lost everything but tells herself it can all be attained again with a little effort.
In the end we're told that Al has moved away and the house stands empty waiting for another lonely child to come open the shutters and free the vampire. The back of the book mentions a couple of sequels down below the blurb so I'm guessing someone did.
Final Thoughts: This book wasn't torture. It was a ridiculous concept and there were some enormous holes in the plot that yanked me right out of the story, but it was told well enough that it was an easy read. I hated Althea but didn't really mind anyone else. Most of the characters were likeable which rarely happens in a Point Horror. I might even pick up one of the sequels.
No comments:
Post a Comment