Friday, July 5, 2024

Beach House by R. L. Stine

  **This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Please do not continue to read if you don't want to know who the “bad guy” is.


Tag Line: ...Don't go near the water...

From the Back of the Book: Swim. Sunbathe. Die. The sun is hot. The water's cold. And the kids are cool. Too cool to live. Because a killer is stalking them, one by one. A killer who never leaves a clue. Who disappears as completely as a footprint in the sand. A killer who has found a very special place in the sun for some very special fun.


Is it me or is that blurb extra dumb?

This book was published in 1992 and it's my first time reading it. I hate to say it, but Stine has become a bit of a comfort read for me. You always know what you're going to get from a Stine. Nothing too complicated. Nothing you have to think about. He's easy and quick and always just shy of writing a really great book. Anyway, the cover is pure 90's PH and I love that era of covers. They're the best.


We begin in the simmer of 1956. I'll make us a sign.


Maria and Amy are laying out at the beach listening to music and working on their tans. They plan to keep this up for most of the summer because neither of them have jobs or other responsibilities. Amy's boyfriend Ronnie is also at the beach for the summer and she's excited to spend time with him. Maria doesn't have a boyfriend but she's met two boys recently that seem interested in her. Stuart is Ronnie's friend and he fancies himself a rebel but he's pretty vanilla. Buddy is new to the area and really quiet and awkward. Maria finds herself drawn to him but he doesn't really fit in with the rest of the crowd and that matters to her.

Maria and Amy are just lazing around when Stuart and Ronnie run up in an absolute panic screaming that Buddy is out in the water drowning.

{{{GASP}}}



LOLZ

He's not drowning at all. He's just yelling and waving because Stuart and Ronnie stole his trunks and he can't get out of the water without them. The girls try to get the trunks back because the water is still pretty cold this early in the summer and they're worried Buddy might freeze to death. Plus, sharks have been spotted in the area. The boys play keep-away with the trunks but eventually Maria snags them. She runs toward the water with them but Stuart tackles her from behind. In an effort to keep him from getting the trunks back, she just throws them as far as she can into the water. Unfortunately, it's nowhere near Buddy. He tries to swim over to get them but they sink.

Buddy begs them to get him a spare pair of trunks or at least a towel but the four of them just decide to walk away and leave him out there.


We skip to later in the evening and the four idiots are back at the beach. Stuart asks Maria to the drive in. She already has plans with Buddy so she turns Stuart down. I guess that's assuming Buddy is still alive and not pissed at her for walking off and leaving him. Stuart tells her to stand the weirdo up, calling Buddy boring and square. Maria says that Buddy is smart and people only think he's weird because he's shy and he lives in the weird beach house at the top of the hill. Apparently it was built years ago but no one has ever lived in it before and the locals say it's cursed.

Cursed house that no one has ever lived in?  Check

Man, that trope was overused in the 80's and 90's.

They go back and forth about it for awhile and then Stuart says he has his dad's Thunderbird convertible for the night. That's enough to change her mind for some reason and she agrees to stand Buddy up and go to the movie with Stuart.



I mean, I guess it's a cool car but it's not cool enough to cancel out Stuart's doucebaggery.

Unbeknownst to Maria, Buddy was nearby and he's heard everything.

We skip to the next day. Amy and Maria are back at the beach. Buddy comes up and Maria apologizes for missing their date the previous evening. She says she was sick. He doesn't let on that he knows better. Amy apologizes for leaving him in the ocean without trunks. Buddy pretends to be unbothered about the entire thing.

Buddy asks them to come for a swim but they both decline because it's really foggy and chilly. I'm not sure why they're laying out at the beach if it's foggy but whatevs. Stine does what Stine wants. Buddy pesters them about it but Amy gets up and says she has to go home to babysit her little sister. Maria proves herself to be easily persuaded once again and allows Buddy to talk her into a foggy, chilly swim. He leads her pretty far out and she starts to panic because she can't see the shore due to the fog. She isn't even sure which direction the shore is in. She asks Buddy to take her back to land but he finally shows his anger and tells her that she hurt his feelings.

Buddy swims away from Maria and she freaks out. She begins to swim but rapidly gets tired. Just when she's given up hope, Buddy pops back up beside her in the water. She begs him for help but he refuses. He just keeps repeating “you hurt my feelings” over and over. I mean, valid, dude, but we heard you the first ten times. You don't have to keep saying it.

Maria sees dark shapes in the water and remembers the shark sightings. Buddy pulls out a knife.....no, I don't know where he was keeping it and I'd like to keep it that way.....and slashes Maria's arm before stabbing her a few times for good measure. He laughs and calls her “shark food” before swimming away. He swims back to shore and stands there repeating “shark food” a few more times.

We skip ahead a few hours. The police and the Coast Guard are searching for Maria and Buddy. An officer questions Stuart, Ronnie and Amy but none of them saw anything. Amy mentions that Buddy was trying to get Maria to swim but she left before they got in the water. One of them mentions that Buddy lives in the creepy beach house on the hill and they decide to go up there to see if Buddy's family knows anything.

The house is unlocked when they arrive. They go inside and find it to be sparsely furnished. There is no food in the kitchen, no clothes in the closets and no clutter left out on the tables. It doesn't look lived in at all which is weird because the kids are sure they've seen Buddy going in and out.


Suddenly it's 30 years later and we're meeting a new set of characters. Ashley is your typical pretty, popular girl with a mean streak. She's currently picking on her boyfriend Ross who is not enjoying it at all. They're walking across the beach to meet their friends Lucy and Kip who are also a couple. We don't get much of a description of Lucy but Ashley tells us that Kip looks like Vanilla Ice and Ross looks like Matt Dillon.



Kip probably.  ☝



Ross apparently. ☝

Ashley isn't a fan of Kip. She thinks he's mean and doesn't treat Lucy very well which is just ironic considering how she treats Ross. They finally get to where Lucy and Kip are sitting and almost immediately a strange man appears. He grabs Ashley and runs off into the water with her while she screams in terror.

{{{GASP}}}




LOLZ

It's just Denny. He's Ross' neighbor. He puts Ashley down and then asks her to go to the movies with him despite the fact that he knows she's dating Ross. I'm getting major deja vu here. She turns him down and he stomps away.

When she gets back to the group there's a stranger with them. He says his name is Brad. Ross kind of knows him. They had tennis lessons together the previous summer. Brad is rich and lives in a mansion. Ashley thinks he's cute and sweet. Ross can tell that she's into Brad and he gets jealous. She finds that annoying and confronts him about it as soon as they're alone. He gets angry and she realizes that she's afraid of him.



You should never be afraid of your romantic partner, y'all.

Also, Ross is justified in being annoyed with his girlfriend for flirting with another boy right in front of him but his level of anger is disproportionate and inappropriate.

Ashley likes to flirt and can't understand why her boyfriend isn't okay with it. She thinks it's because he's insecure. They argue about Brad for awhile and Ashley can tell she isn't going to win so she distracts Ross by making out with him. It works and they continue to make out until Ashley gets cold. Ross suggests they relocate to the creepy, empty beach house on the hill. Yeah, it's the same one apparently. Ashley is reluctant but Ross is persuasive and they head that way.

The door is open. Still. In 30 years they've never managed to lock this door. They sit on the dusty old couch and make out some more until they hear voices coming from the other room.



It turns out to be Lucy and Kip who had the same idea. Kip isn't too happy to see the other two there because he was hoping for some privacy. They all talk for a bit. Ashley wonders why the house is unoccupied. Kip says it hasn't been lived in since the 50s when some teens were murdered on the beach. No idea how the two things are related but whatevs. Ashley is immediately freaked out and wants to leave so she and Ross take off. Ross' house is closer so Ashley leaves him there and continues on alone. Suddenly someone jumps out and grabs her.

{{{GASP}}}



LOLZ

It's Denny again. He gets a little gropey but then apologizes for scaring her. He asks her to go for a walk along the beach with him but she turns him down again. She realizes she's afraid of him too. I guess every boy in her life is just terrifying. Maybe she should give that some thought and reevaluate who she hangs out with.

We skip to the next day. Ashley goes down to the beach and is immediately joined by Ross who tells her that Lucy and Kip are missing.


Okay, back in the past. Amy is having nightmares about Maria drowning. No one has seen her or Buddy in days. Stuart comes to see her to say goodbye. His family is planning to leave town early because of the missing kids. I feel like this would make you look incredibly guilty but what do I know? Ashley tells us that a lot of people have returned home early and the beaches are practically deserted now. I mean, the waters are shark infested so that seems like the safest option right now anyway.

Ronnie shows up to take Amy for a walk. They're on the deserted beach when Amy notices movement in the beach house on the hill. They're both shocked when Buddy steps out onto the deck. Even at that distance, they can tell he's wearing a bloody t-shirt. They rush over to talk to him. He says he cut his finger making a sandwich. When they ask him where he's been, he says he was out of town visiting a cousin and just got back.



Amy questions him about Maria and he says they went swimming but he noticed the undertow was too strong so he got back out. Maria called him a chicken and decided to keep swimming. He left and he never saw her again. Amy doesn't believe him because that seems super out of character for Maria. She hides her doubt from him, though. She and Ronnie say their goodbyes and head back along the beach. On their way, they find Stuart's body. His head has been bashed in.

Wait.

So clearly Buddy murdered Stuart because he murdered Maria, right? Except if he'd killed Stuart, Amy and Ronnie should have passed Stuart's body on their way to the beach house. This makes no sense, Stine. Do better!



We hop over into Buddy's head as he watches the police investigate the murder scene. He thinks to himself that murder is surprisingly easy and he vows to get rid of everyone who made him feel like an outsider.

We skip ahead a day or two. Amy and Ronnie play beach volleyball with some other random kids until Ronnie has to go home to help out with a barbecue his parents are hosting. Amy stays on the beach for awhile and takes yet another walk along the sand. Buddy runs up on her and it scares her so much that she takes off running away from him. He chases her and eventually tackles her into the sand. He apologizes for scaring her and says that he just wanted to talk to her because he's been having a hard time with everything that's been happening. He asks her to come to his house. For some reason she feels bad for him.


Ross and Ashley are upset and on edge because Kip and Lucy haven't been found. The police think they ran off together but Ashley knows Lucy would never do that. Brad invites them to come to his house to play tennis to take their minds off everything. Ashley wants to go but Ross doesn't because he knows Ashley thinks Brad is hot. They go back and forth for way too long about it and it's boring. Somehow this ends with them making out as well. Ashley really sends mixed signals. While they're making out, a sudden downpour happens and they run to the abandoned beach house to take cover. Ashley goes off in search of towels and finds this really huge closet upstairs. Inside is Lucy's scarf.



For some reason we just skip right over to Ashley and Ross arriving at Brad's mansion. Ross is immediately uncomfortable because he feels like he doesn't fit in there. Brad invites them in and introduces them to his cousin Sharon who seems a little stand-offish. Ashley tells them about finding Lucy's scarf in the beach house.

Tennis happens. Ashley is convinced that Brad is flirting with her the entire time because he keeps smiling at her. Ross also thinks Brad is flirting with her. He gets so mad that he just leaves, stranding Ashley at Brad's house.

I guess she gets home okay because the next day Ross finds her at the beach and angrily confronts her in order to apologize to her. No, you didn't read that wrong. No, that doesn't make sense. It's a weird scene. Ashley doesn't accept his angry, confrontational apology. Ross grabs her arm. Denny appears and makes Ross let her go. Ross and Denny fight.

It's hilarious that Denny took exception to Ross grabbing her when that's all Denny ever does.  Everyone in this book is a hypocrite.  

We skip to later that evening. Ross calls but Ashley still won't accept his apology. She breaks up with him. Immediately after that call, she gets another one. This time a creepy voice tells her to stay away from Brad or she'll die.

Protagonist receives a creepy anonymous call? Check.

Ashley thinks the caller is Sharon and says as much. The caller says “I'm not Sharon. I'm dead.” and then just repeats “I'm dead” a few more times before hanging up.

Why is there so much repetition in this book?

We skip ahead again. Ashley has gone on a few dates with Brad. He doesn't seem to like her very much but she's not very likable so I get it. They go to a movie and then go for a walk. Ashley keeps seeing someone watching them and assumes it's Ross. At the end of the night, Ashley and Brad kiss. He immediately gets weird and says she's his very first girlfriend. She finds that to be an intense statement because they've only gone on a few dates and she doesn't consider him to be her boyfriend yet. He says he has something special to show her in the beach house on the hill. She doesn't want to go but he insists.


Buddy and Amy are headed for the beach house. I don't know why she's going with him when she thinks he murdered a couple of people.



Politeness will get you killed, y'all. I cannot stress this enough: you do not have to go anywhere with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable. It's not your job to protect their feelings. It's your job to protect your life.

They go inside and Amy is transfixed with the enormous 16” television. For some reason she just starts walking through the house, exploring all the rooms. This is odd behavior when you're a guest in someone's home, Amy. She ends up in the upstairs bedroom with the enormous closet. She wants to walk into it but Buddy pulls her away from it. He tells her that Ronnie never made it home and now it's her turn to die.



Amy asks why and he tells her that she hurt his feelings.

I'm going to stab my own eye out with a pencil if I have to read that ONE MORE FUCKING TIME.

She tells him that they didn't mean to upset him. They were just joking around. He shouts that they humiliated him. Amy asks if he killed Maria and he admits that he did. She decides he's crazy because of course.



Amy distracts him and then makes a run for it. The beach is deserted so there's no one to help her. Buddy catches up with her and knocks her out with a shovel.

Amy comes to tied to a post under the dock of the beach house. The water is already up to her waist and the tide is coming in. She tries to get free but can't.



Ashley doesn't want to go back into the beach house so she asks Brad to just describe to her what he wants to show her. He insists that she has to see it for herself. She wants to go home. He launches into this long-winded story about how the men in his family are explorers like she's supposed to care. His little brother sadly died while exploring an unfinished house (he fell through a floor). In order to be like his brother, he explored the beach house and found something amazing. Ashley feels bad for him because he has a dead brother so she decides to go with him.



They go into the house. Brad tells her that he likes her and then he kisses her. She decides she doesn't want to be kissed by him and she pushes him away. Instead of just leaving right then and there, she asks him to show her this amazing thing. He leads her up to the bedroom with the big closet and tells her to step inside. When she refuses, he angrily pulls her inside with him. As soon as she's fully in, she sees a weird mist. She's going toward it when another hand pulls her back out of the closet.

So, back at Brad's house, there was this elderly maid named Mary. She served them drinks or something but I didn't bother to mention it because it seemed completely unimportant. But now she's appeared in this damn house and I have to admit I dropped the ball.


Mary pulls Ashley out of the closet and then calls Brad “Buddy”. She tells him that he's never getting out of the closet again.

So things get a little confusing here. Brad and Buddy are the same person. Mary and Maria are the same person. Apparently the beach house was built on some kind of time warp and the closet is a portal back to 1956. Just 1956. If Ashley had gone into the weird mist she would have found herself back in 1956. Once you're there, it's really hard to figure out how to get back.

Ashley realizes that Kip and Lucy probably went into the closet to make out and ended up traveling back in time. Clearly they didn't know how to return and they ended up stuck there. Brad/Buddy has been traveling freely between the two times.

Maria/Mary tells Ashley that Brad/Buddy killed her and her friends back in 1956. Except that's not entirely true since Maria/Mary is still alive. After the shark attack she was rescued by some fishermen and taken to the hospital. She ended up heavily scarred which apparently was a fate worse than death for her. She spent years trying to figure out how to travel to the present day so she could get her revenge on Brad/Buddy. Finally she found the portal and traveled through only to end up aging rapidly. No, I don't know why. Stine doesn't either. Just go with it.

Maria produces a torch – no I don't know where she got it and I really don't want to find out – and tells Brad/Buddy to go back to 1956 and pay for his crimes. He refuses because of course he does. She says she poured gasoline all over the house and she's not afraid to set them all on fire. They scuffle. The torch drops and the house goes up in flames. Everyone dies.

{{{GASP}}}



LOLZ

Ashley is conveniently blown out an open window by the blast. Ross runs up and takes her into his arms just as she dies for real.

{{{GASP}}}


Stine, this is excessive even for you.


LOLZ

She's fine. She wakes up in the hospital. Ross tells her that they found the body of a woman in the rubble but there was no sign of Brad/Buddy. Ashley figures he managed to escape back to 1956 before the explosion but now he must be trapped there since there is no more house.

The book just ends there. It wasn't the greatest but it wasn't the worst. I found the ending mega confusing. Maria/Mary kept insisting she was dead so I thought she was a ghost for awhile. I even thought Brad/Buddy was a ghost because time travel wasn't even on my radar. I wonder why the portal only took you to 1956. I guess that's when the house was built. But where did the portal take people in 1956? Stine said that the reason the house never had inhabitants was because of this time warp so where did it warp to back then? The previous week? Were people just groundhog daying their lives away and living the same day over and over? I don't know and I don't think Stine does either.

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