**This blog contains adult language.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Please do not continue to read if you don't want to know who the “bad guy” is.
From the Back of the Book: Oh, what fools these actors be! It was a horror movie that turned into real horror – three young actors lost their lives while the camera rolled. Production stopped and people claimed that the move was cursed. Sixty years later, new actors are venturing onto the haunted set. In a desperate attempt to revive their failing studio, Claire's dad has green-lit a remake of Mayhem Manor – and Claire and her friends are dying to be involved. At first, Claire laughs a Jake's talk of ghosts and curses. He's been too busy crushing on her best friend Delia to notice she's practically been throwing herself at him. What does he know? And anyway, this her big chance to be a star! When shooting starts, though, the set is plagued by a series of horrible accidents – could history be repeating itself?
This book was published in 2013 and I had no idea it existed until I did a random search on Libby for RL Stine. My library only has it in audio form and I've never tried to recap an audiobook before so we'll see how it goes. I hope the narrator isn't super annoying.
{{{Note from Future Me: I hated this. I am definitely not going to make recapping audiobooks a habit.}}}
We begin with Tony, Darlene, Sue, Randy, Brian and Cindy driving recklessly through the woods. Too many characters already, Stine. Everyone but Sue seems to be having a good time. She describes herself as the shy one in the group and she's terrified that Tony is driving too fast and she's annoyed that none of the others seem to care. Tony hits a bump and loses control of the van for a few seconds before managing to get it back on the road. Sue thinks he's driving like a maniac in order to impress Darlene.
A few minutes later, they hit something on the dark road and the van goes out of control again. They come to a sudden stop when they run into some trees and the van stalls. Someone asks if they hit a deer and Tony says it was just a rock. They can't get the van going again and they're miles away from the lake cabin where they're supposed to be staying. They decide to walk down the road to see if they can find help because their only other option is to spend the night in the van.
Hmmmm.....walk through strange woods in the dark or spend the night in a locked van with my friends. I know which one I'd take even if it meant sleeping in a big puppy pile.
They walk for about an hour through the dark woods before they finally see a house up ahead. The house has towers on each side and looks more like a castle than a house. There are no lights on and bars over all the windows. The girls are all freaked out but Tony goes up to knock. No one answers. Darlene tries the door and it opens. She goes in and calls out but there's no answer. Sue searches for a switch and turns on the light. The group begins to search the large house, turning on lights as they go along.
They end up in a dining room and Darlene and Tony start making out for some reason. Randy tells them to cut it out and the two boys start to fight. Randy bumps into a cabinet and they hear something swing overhead. Swords that had been suspended from the ceiling over the dining room table begin to to arc overhead as if loosened by the impact of the cabinet against the wall. One of them swings down and cuts off Cindy's hand.
{{{GASP}}}
Blood gushes from Cindy's arm and she collapses. Tony yells for someone to get something to stop the bleeding but she's already dead. They scramble to find a phone. There's one in the kitchen but the cord has been cut. They start to think that the sword falling wasn't an accident and that maybe there's a killer in the house with them.
This is dumb even for Stine. Seriously. Swinging swords from the ceiling?
Half the group suddenly decides they're hungry so they start looking around for something to eat. I know watching a friend die a bloody, gruesome death always makes me feel a little peckish. Sue and Tony are the only ones who seem to think this is a bad idea. Tony warns them that the house might be booby-trapped but Randy and Brian ignore him and continue to search through cabinets. Randy finds bread and decides to make toast. Tony tries to stop him again but Randy ignores him. He puts the bread in the toaster and immediately gets electrocuted.
{{{GASP}}}
Cliffhangers are weird in audio form, by the way.
Randy dies too, of course. Brian tells them all that they need to get the fuck out of the house. Darlene tries the back door but it's locked so they all go back through the house to the front door. It's locked too. Brian immediately starts to panic. Darlene suggests they go upstairs to see if they can get through a window.
YOU NEVER GO UP!!!
Darlene runs up the steep stairs but no one follows. She gets to the top and then suddenly stumbles. They watch in horror as she falls through a huge hole. There were no top steps, just emptiness. They hear the crack of her neck breaking and she dies instantly.
Sue sees a man appear behind them and screams.
{{{GASP}}}
So....the next chapter tells us that Claire and her friend Delia were watching all this transpire on a movie screen. But I guess the three actors actually died while filming. The movie was called Mayhem Manor and all three deaths were the result of accidents on set.
Wait.
So you're telling me, the actress who played Cindy actually got her hand cut off and died and the others just kept going with the scene? And then the actor who played Randy actually got electrocuted and died and they kept filming? They only stopped when the actress who played Darlene died? Come on, Stine. This is beyond ridiculous.
I'm not going to lie. I just paused the audiobook and went to rant to my husband for ten minutes about this. I am not amused.
DO BETTER, STINE!
Claire tells us that people believed the movie was cursed and it was just abandoned for 60 years until her dad decided to do a remake of it. Both Claire and Delia are going to be in it. The movie is going to be filmed in the same house where the original was filmed. Apparently they built an entire house for the movie and it's just been sitting unused for six decades.
Sure. That sounds perfectly logical.
A week passes. Claire is headed to a party at Ross' house with Delia. Claire is hoping to find Jake so she can tell him how she feels about him. Jake currently has her friendzoned but she's determined to change his mind. Delia has her own mission in mind – a guy named Sean. She's had a crush on him forever but he's never paid her any attention.
Ross' parents aren't home and the place is packed. Kids are drinking and hanging out around the pool. Delia takes off her cover up and heads for the water. Claire tells us that the entire party stops in its tracks to watch her because Delia is deadly in a bikini. Claire isn't planning to swim. She assures us that it's not because she doesn't look good in a bikini. Then Stine pisses me off again by having Claire say she looks like Cameron Diaz but younger and not so slutty.
For fuck's sake, Stine. Why? That's a disgusting thing to say about a woman. I wish we could just retire that fucking word for good.
Claire runs into Annaleigh who is also going to be in the movie. The two of them don't seem to like each other much – probably because Annaleigh is gorgeous. Claire seems like the insecure type.
Ross rocks up and he and Claire talk a bit. He asks her about her birthday party and she says it's going to be on June 21st which is midsummer night. She's going to have it at the studio. They start talking about the movie and Ross asks her if she's scared to film in the haunted house. Before she can answer, he gets called away.
Jake appears next. Claire tells us he's one of the golden people who get through life without trying. Oh, and he's hot too because of course he is. Jake asks Claire if Delia ever mentions him. He's into her and he's hoping she might be into him too. Claire is crushed. She tells him to ask Delia himself and he can tell she's pissed. She tries to play it off and asks him about the movie. Jake is supposed to be a PA but he tells Claire that he wants to quit because he's worried about working at the house. He thinks it's dangerous. He urges her to quit. She tells him that they've been rehearsing in the house for a week and nothing's happened. He isn't convinced.
Claire takes off. She tries to find Delia so they can go home but Delia's vanished. Through the crowd, she sees Jake talking to Annaleigh. Annaleigh hugs him and Claire is consumed with jealousy. She sees Ross standing nearby and pushes him up against the wall and kisses him.
Whoa.
Not cool, Claire.
They end up making out I guess.
The next chapter takes us to the studio. Claire and Delia are wandering around looking for wardrobe. Claire tells us she's playing Darlene in the movie and she's super excited to make her debut. Claire thinks making movies is like making magic. Delia is more jaded. Claire tries to get her excited about things but Delia can't be arsed.
As they're wandering around, Claire gets a text from Sean asking if she wants to hang out later. Delia is upset that Sean is texting Claire and not her. She says she practically threw herself at Sean the night before but he told her he wanted to go home and wax his board. No, that's not a euphemism. He surfs. She can't figure out why he's paying attention to Claire now.
Honestly, me either. Claire is awful.
Also, we're clearly doing a Midsummer Night's Dream thing where the four characters are in love with the wrong people. There's no fucking way Stine is going to do this justice so I wish he'd just stop.
We start a new chapter and the girls come across Lana. Claire instantly dogs her appearance saying she's too short and too skinny and too old to be playing a teenager in this movie. Claire is so fucking vile. Lana is a former Disney channel child star who had some kind of breakdown at age 14 and stopped working for more than a decade. This movie is her comeback and Claire thinks she's acting way too cocky for a has-been. Lana is accompanied by her psychic Pablo. They stop to talk and Lana heavily implies that Claire is a nepo baby and only got the part because her dad owns the studio. Claire practically has an aneurysm.
But where's the lie, Claire?
Truth hurts.
Lana asks what they're doing and Claire admits that they're looking for wardrobe. Lana laughs at her for getting lost in a studio her father owns. Then for some reason she mentions always being cold in the house where they're filming. Claire says maybe it's because of the ghosts of the kids who died back in the 60's. Lana says she doesn't like filming in a haunted house but it's going to get good press and that will be good for them all.
Wait.
I thought the movie was originally filmed 60 years ago. If it's 2013, that would put it in the 50's, not the 60's. Either Stine's as lousy at math as I am or he's lost the plot already.
Even odds.
Lana takes off as Jake approaches. He's excited because he's going to learn all about film editing while working as an intern on set. Delia asks Jake about Sean and he seems jealous. He changes the subject to warn them again not to go into the haunted house. He thinks the dead actors are waiting in the house to get revenge for their deaths. The girls laugh at him and he gets irritated. Claire asks him if he wants to hang out later but he blows her off.
Claire and Delia start looking for wardrobe again. Claire laments that she's in love with Jake but Jake won't stop looking at Delia. Delia doesn't believe her but Claire insists that Jake is totally into her. Delia isn't interested and tells Claire to just get Jake drunk and attack him.
Whoa.
What the hell is wrong with the people in this book?
I shouldn't have to use this twice.
Or this.
They finally find the right building and go inside to get their costumes. The costume mistress is named Betty and she's ready to fit them. Apparently Delia is playing Gina and I have no idea who the fuck Gina is. She wasn't one of the original six so I'm guessing she's some kind of minor character. They get their clothes and go to try them on. Claire feels weird as soon as she puts the costume on. She feels like she's floating through mist and her brain is foggy. Betty tells them that the costumes are from the original movie. Claire freaks out that she's wearing a dead girl's clothes. She thinks she can hear a girl's voice whispering 'go away' and she screams.
Betty rushes into the dressing room and the fog around Claire clears. They do the fitting and then Betty sends her to makeup. When Claire goes outside, she finds a small white trailer outside of the wardrobe building. She assumes it's the makeup trailer and goes inside. There's a very small, hairy man sitting at a desk and Claire gasps, thinking he's some kind of “creature”. Claire gets a feeling of deja vu and asks him if they've met before. He says 'no' and introduces himself as Puck. She asks if he's the makeup artist and he says 'no' again. The trailer is full of bottles and Claire asks him what they are. He says they're his potions. He offers Claire a love potion and tells her all she has to do is spill a little on someone and they'll fall in love with the first person they sees. She laughs at him and he sprinkles some on her.
Claire instantly falls in love with him. He tells her they have things to do later but it's not time now. She asks if she can kiss him and he turns her down. She begs. He sprinkles another powder on her and the feeling goes away. She's no longer in love with him and thinks he's gross. He says she's going to have to face her fate soon. She's going to be going into the house of death and when she does, she'll die. She threatens to call security and he sprinkles another potion on her. He calls it the “forgetting potion” and tells her that she's going to forget everything.
What the hell am I reading?
Seriously?
Claire pretends to forget and grabs what she thinks is a love potion off the shelf. Puck pushes her outside and she runs right into Delia. She's still holding onto the potion. Delia asks what it is and Claire explains. They laugh and decide to try it on Jake and Sean.
New chapter and new day. Claire picks up Delia, Jake and Sean and drives them all to Malibu. Sean is anxious to get out on the waves but the others didn't bring swimsuits. Claire tries to flirt with Jake but he only has eyes for Delia who only has eyes for Sean. Jake tells them that he found papers on his mother's desk that indicate the studio is going bankrupt. (His dad co-owns it with Claire's dad.) If Mayhem Manor isn't a hit, their parents might lose everything. It's a lot of pressure and Claire worries that she might end up having to move if things don't go well.
Annaleigh texts Jake and that prompts Claire to take out the potion. Claire puts some powder in her hand and drops it onto Jake's head, making sure he's looking at her. Delia does the same to Sean. They wait but they don't get the results they're expecting. Jake seems furious at Claire and calls her a jerk. Sean calls Delia “fat face”. The girls confess their feelings but the boys call them losers. Sean shoves a french fry up Delia's nose. Jake asks Claire if he can hit her to “fix her ugly nose”. The girls panic. Claire wonders if she grabbed the wrong potion. She tries to talk Jake down but he takes a swing at her.
{{{GASP}}}
He misses. Suddenly both boys start to blink and then they go back to normal. The spell wears off quickly because they didn't use much. Neither of the boys seem to remember what happened. Jake says he needs to take off because he's meeting Annaleigh.
I guess we were supposed to find that scene funny. It was kind of traumatic.
We skip to the first day of shooting.
Pablo is wandering around outside the house. He warns Delia and Claire that there's evil inside. He tried to talk Lana out of going in but she didn't listen. The girls roll their eyes at him and go inside as well. The house is creepy but it's built to be creepy. It was always supposed to look like a haunted house.
I still can't believe they build an entire house to use as a set. I know it's done sometimes but it seems like a huge waste of time and money.
We meet another actor named Jeremy who is playing Randy in the movie. He's running lines with Lana who is playing Cindy I guess. They're doing her death scene first. Instead of the swords cutting off her hand, it's supposed to cut her entire body in half. They're going to use CGI of course. The swords are really hanging over the table, though, and Claire can't stop looking at them as she talks to Delia and Annaleigh. Suddenly a crew member screams and the sword swings through the air, cutting directly through Annaleigh.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
Annaleigh is fine. It wasn't the sword that swung down at all. It was a light. It broke but everyone's fine. Claire is dazed. She really thought it was the sword. The director tells everyone to just go home because he needs to get things figured out. He doesn't want accidents on the set and he wants to talk to the tech crew. He tells them not to talk to press and not to even mention the set being cursed.
We skip to that evening. Claire's family has a weekly dinner with Jake's family. They go to some fancy place where famous people hang out. Since Claire's dad and Jake's dad own a movie studio, they know a lot of celebrities and like to see and be seen. They sit and talk about their days. Jake wasn't needed on set so he hung out with Sean the whole day. Jake's mom doesn't approve because she thinks Sean is a bum. Jake defends his friend, saying he always has a good time when they're together.
During dinner, Claire asks about the little guy in the trailer next to the wardrobe department. No one seems to know what she's talking about. Claire's dad tells her that the trailer doesn't exist and there's no little hairy guy on set.
Claire drops the subject but vows silently to go back to the trailer to prove it exists. Claire spends the dinner trying to get Jake to notice how she feels about him. She tries touching him a bunch and paying him lots of attention but he's clueless. After dinner, she kisses him on the cheek and he acts like she grew a third head. She tries to play it off and they part awkwardly.
Claire goes home and goes up to her room. She tells us that she has to sleep with her windows closed because the African trees in Jake's backyard next door whisper. She thinks they “brought strange magic from their homeland with them”. Even when there's no wind she can hear them whispering to each other. Once she even heard them whisper her name.
Is Claire okay, y'all?
Claire calls Delia who is at a club with Jake. Claire feels betrayed but Delia says she's only hanging out with him because she thought Sean would be there too. Claire hangs up, pissed off. She decides to go back to Puck to get another love potion.
Because it worked so well the first time.
We skip to the next morning. Claire gets to the set early so she can find Puck. The trailer is right where she remembered it being. She goes in and asks for a love potion. Puck is stunned that she remembers him. He refuses to give her the love potion, saying she doesn't have time. He tries to use the forgetting potion on her again but she ducks him, grabbing another potion off the shelf. She bolts from the trailer with him calling after her to stay away until he calls for her.
Claire reports for duty at the Mayhem Manor house. Lana rocks up looking for Pablo. She's nervous about filming her death scene that day and asks Claire to run lines with her. Claire reluctantly agrees. Jeremy shows up and Claire tells us he's a former Nickelodeon star but this is his first movie. Once he arrives, the director calls for everyone to get in their places.
Lana gets her last minute instructions. They tell her to pretend to see the swords but nothing will be there because they'll be adding it in CGI. Lana gets in place but realizes Claire still has her script so she asks for it. Claire trips over a cable on the way and bangs her head hard against the corner of the table.
WALK IT OFF!!!
She hears someone whispering in her ears and then she sees the swords over the table move. One of them tilts and starts to fall. Lana raises her arm and the sword cuts her hand clean off. Blood spurts from the wound as everyone starts yelling. Claire sees the detatched hand on the table, fingers curling and uncurling. People rush to help, putting a towel over Lana's arm to try to stop the bleeding. Medics rush to the scene. Jake steps into the room and Claire runs to him, sobbing. She thinks it's her fault because she bumped the table. Jake assures her it wasn't.
A week passes. The production has been shut down while police investigate. Lana survives but she's not doing well. She's deeply depressed and traumatized. Jake thinks the movie is cursed because Lana was injured just like the actress that died. Claire tells her friends that she heard whispering just before the swords fell. She thinks it was ghosts or something.
The studio lawyers want to stop production but Claire's dad pushes ahead because he needs the money to save the studio. Lana needs to be replaced so Claire's dad asks Delia to take the role. Claire hopes she won't do it because she's afraid something awful will happen but Delia accepts.
The entire next chapter is nothingness. We learn Delia is afraid of dogs. That's it.
We go back to set. Jeremy wants to meet with Delia over breakfast and she drags Claire along. They talk about the movie. Claire tells him they saw the original footage and Jeremy is impressed. Claire tells him about the actors dying and Jeremy thinks it's cool the same thing happened twice. The girls think he's insensitive. He asks how the actor playing his role died and Delia tells him he got electrocuted by the toaster. He doesn't seem too concerned. He offers to help Delia get ready for her role but it seems more like he's trying to get in her pants.
The girls head for the house set. Claire is glad to see all the blood has been cleaned up. They're going to be shooting the kitchen scene instead today. Jeremy infuriates the director when he admits that he's never looked at the script and doesn't even know what role he's playing. There's a lot of shouting but then the director just gives up and tells Jeremy what he needs to do.
They get started. Everything's going okay until Claire gets a “premonition” about Jeremy getting electrocuted for real. She flings herself at Jeremy screaming at him not to touch the toaster. The director yells at her. Claire tells him that she had a feeling Jeremy was going to die. The director shows her that the toaster doesn't even have a cord so there's no way it can electrocute anyone. They take a ten minute break so everyone can calm down.
Jeremy doesn't return after the break so Claire volunteers to go down to the dressing room to find him. The dressing rooms are suddenly in the basement of the house despite the fact they were in the wardrobe trailer a few chapters ago. Delia goes with Claire and they head down the stairs, calling for Jeremy. There's no answer but Claire hears footsteps as someone runs away.
Runs where exactly? They're in a basement.
They find Jeremy in the dressing room in front of the microwave. His head is inside the microwave and his entire face is burned black. No, I don't know how this happened. It doesn't make sense. They grab him and he crumbles to the floor but half of his face stays stuck in the microwave.
Two more days pass. Delia, Claire, Sean and Jake are hanging out at the diner talking about what happened. Sean points out how impossible this all is. If Jeremy's head had been in the microwave, the door had to be open and therefore the microwave couldn't have been on. Claire says it was a power surge. He leaned his entire head into the microwave to put his lunch in, as you do, and then there was a power surge that essentially nuked him.
Stine.
Come on.
WHO FUCKING PUTS THEIR ENTIRE HEAD IN A MICROWAVE WHEN THEY'RE PUTTING IN THEIR FOOD? No one. No one fucking does this.
My manager has informed me that I cannot quit the blog.
There is no way a person actually wrote this. I'd claim it was AI but this was ten years ago.
Why is there even a basement? I was just ranting to my husband about how ridiculous this is and I realized how absurd it is that this house has a basement at all. They built the house for the movie on the lot and they dug out a fucking basement for it? There's no way they'd go to that expense. The basement would just be a separate set piece. There's no way this movie set has a fucking basement. Not only is there no basement but the fucking dressing rooms were in the wardrobe trailer. Maybe Stine got confused and called the Green Room the dressing room but it still shouldn't exist because there's no way that set piece has a fucking basement.
And why was Jeremy even heating up his lunch? They were on a ten minute break. He didn't really have time to eat lunch and he'd just finished eating breakfast like ten minutes before they started shooting the scene. There's no way this man was eating lunch in a dressing room that didn't exist in a basement that shouldn't exist.
Also, there was no food in the microwave. Just his head. So what the hell was he putting in there with his entire face? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE!
DO BETTER, STINE!
Delia thinks a crazy person is trying to reenact the deaths from the first movie. She points out that Claire might be next since Darlene died next in the movie. Sean can't believe they're going ahead with the movie. Jake says they have extra security on set now but Claire isn't sure how that will prevent accidents from happening.
Later that night, Claire is eating dinner home alone when she gets a phone call from an unknown number. The voice on the other end identifies himself as her dad and asks her to come to the set to pick him up because his car got towed. She thinks her dad sounds odd but doesn't question it. He says he's at Mayhem Manor because he was helping the police with their investigation so he wants her to pick him up there.
Claire wonders why he didn't just call an Uber but she heads that way. There's no one at the studio when she gets there except the night security. She parks the car in the lot and walks to the house. There's no sign of anyone around and no police cars. Claire is jumpy because the studio is creepy at night.
The front door is taped off with crime scene tape. Claire tugs it off and opens the door. She calls out for her dad but there's no answer. She sees something move in the dining room so she heads that way. Something whispers her name and it reminds her of the trees in Jake's yard. The voice asks her if she's ready to be a star. She thinks it's Puck. Hands grab her from behind.
{{{GASP}}}
LOLZ
It's a police officer. Claire identifies herself and asks him if he's seen her dad. The cop doesn't believe her and thinks she's there to cause some kind of mischief. He makes her call her dad. Of course, her dad has no knowledge of any of this. He's in Chicago on business and never called her. The cop lets her go and she drives to Jake's house.
Jake isn't home. His mom says he's at a movie with Annaleigh. Claire heads home and calls Delia who comes right over. Claire tells her about the phone call and her trip to the manor. Delia thinks Claire should quit the movie but Claire refuses. They talk for awhile and then Delia has to go. Jake shows up as Delia leaves. Claire tries to tell him about her night but all he wants to talk about is Delia and his crush on her.
Claire gets the potion she took from Puck's trailer. She dumps some on Jake's head and waits for him to look at her and fall in love. He looks at her but nothing seems to happen. She tells him that she gave him a love potion and then she kisses him nonconsensually. His lips feel like paper. She pulls away and he starts to change. His hair falls out and his skin wrinkles. Within seconds he turns into an old man.
Claire calls Delia in desperation and tells her that she's given Jake the wrong potion again. Claire is freaking the fuck out. She's worried he'll die and she'll go to prison. But just like the first time, the spell doesn't last long. Within minutes Jake is young again and none the wiser about Claire's shenanigans.
What was the fucking point of that?
It's the next day. Delia and Claire decide to watch the old film again to see if there are any clues in it. They skip past Cindy and Randy dying and go right to Darlene's death. This time they notice Puck on the edge of the set. Delia doesn't think it could possibly be the same guy since 60 years have passed.
You know, or 50 years if you can do math.
We skip to the next morning. Filming is set to resume that morning, so Claire gets there early. She plans to confront Puck and force him to give her some answers. The trailer isn't there. Claire asks Betty about it but Betty doesn't know what she's talking about. She's never seen a trailer behind hers.
Claire gives up and goes to get coffee before morning rehearsal. Everything goes well but people are nervous. Rehearsal ends at noon and Claire goes home. Her dad is already home and he's concerned about how things are going. He admits they should stop the production but if they do, they'll lose the studio. As it is, they're facing major lawsuits because of what happened to Lana and Jeremy. He isn't sure what they're going to do. Claire admits she's nervous about her death scene the next day but he reassures her that there's going to be lots of security and everything will be fine.
It's the next morning. Delia seems to be more nervous than Claire. When they get to set, they see Jake kissing Annaleigh. It's super confusing since Jake keeps saying he's into Delia. Why would he be kissing another girl where she can see?
The scene gets underway. For some reason Delia seems to be in this scene despite the fact that Cindy has already died. Stine clearly can't keep track. Claire can't make herself run up the stairs. She keeps holding up the production and forcing them to redo. Annaleigh is determined to prove to Claire that everything is fine so she runs up the stairs. On her way back down, she trips and the stair cracks and breaks away. She falls and breaks her neck.
I think a couple of weeks pass. They finally shut down production for good. Police are now investigating the deaths as murders. Even so, Claire still plans to have her birthday party at the studio. It's Midsummer Night's Dream themed.
Claire is at The Cheesecake Factory when she runs into Puck by the bathrooms. He reveals he's the one who called her and lured her to Mayhem Manor. He says they still have a movie to make. He blows some powder on her and tells her it's a summoning spell. It will bring her to him when he summons her.
This book is so fucking stupid.
We skip to the night of Claire's party. Everything is decorated to look like the play and there are people walking around dressed as fairies. There's a band and a dance floor. Everyone's having fun. Claire spends the entire night looking for Jake. She finally finds him toward the end of the night. He and Sean rock up and tell Claire that they have some beer. They just need to find a place to drink it. Claire suggests Mayhem Manor. She feels like she's being summoned there. The others don't really want to go but she talks them into it.
Claire leaves them in the house and then runs off to find Puck's trailer because she wants to try the love potion one more time. She's convinced it will be there because her birthday is magic. Of course it is. Puck is nowhere to be found so Claire studies the shelves of potions carefully. She finds the one that she's convinced is the love potion and takes it, determined to make her birthday wish come true. Putting it in her bag, she runs back to the manor.
The others are in the living room drinking beers. For some reason, they've lit a fire in the fireplace. Claire sneaks up behind Jake and dumps the powder on his head. Wind races through the room and takes the powder into the air. It lands on Delia instead and she's looking right at a dog who is in the house for some reason. She picks him up and cuddles him close. Jake and Sean stare at her in disbelief since they know she hates dogs.
This cannot be happening. This entire book has to be a fever dream. There's no way an actual human wrote this and managed to get it published.
Puck rocks up and calls for them to take their places. He says they need to finish his film. They need four more deaths to wrap it up. Sean and Delia run to the front door but it's closed and locked. Puck calls for them to take their places again. Puck reminds Claire that she still needs to do her scene. He asks them all to scream.
Claire asks him why he's doing this. He tells them to sit down for story time. His dream was to become the greatest horror movie director of all time. He used his potions to get the job directing Mayhem Manor. He wanted to make a movie where everyone really died but they shut down his film after only three deaths. He used his potions to keep himself alive so he could wait for a new cast to arrive. He's determined to finish his masterpiece.
He summons Claire for her scene. He tells her to walk to grandfather clock and reach for the pendulum. It's been sharpened and it's ready to cut her to ribbons. The other three are frozen as if they're also under a spell. Claire's body starts to move toward the clock and she's powerless to stop it. Puck calls out directions and her body follows them automatically. She reaches for the pendulum in slow motion. Frustrated, Puck approaches to hurry her along. She lurches away, knocking into Puck who trips and falls into the clock. The pendulum decapitates him.
The spell is broken and everyone snaps out of it. Claire points at the head and notes that there's no blood. They head for the front door but Puck's voice stops them. His disembodied head calls out to them and tells them that they're not done yet. The body comes to collect the head and Puck puts himself back together. He pulls Claire into the kitchen and the others follow. He instructs Claire to do the toaster scene instead.
Claire reaches for the love potion. She figures she can dump it on him and he'll fall in love with her and not be able to kill her. She gives it a shot and pours the entire bottle on him. Instead of falling in love with her, he falls to the floor, aging rapidly. His body decomposes in front of their eyes and then the bones disintegrate and turn to ash. They run to the front door.
We skip ahead. The cameras were running the entire time and the studio ended up using the "Puck footage" to finish the movie. Claire and her friends are famous.
Wait.
So you're telling me they used actual footage of people dying in the movie? And everyone was just okay with this essentially being a snuff film?
No fucking way.
Claire tries one more time to give Jake the love potion. This time it seems to work and he calls her 'Babe'. The book ends with a quote from Midsummer Night's Dream.
Shakespeare would be so pissed.
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