Tag Line: Trick or treat....the trick is not to die...From the Back of the Book: This party is a killer. Brenda hates her cousin Halley. And Brenda isn't the only one. Because Halley keeps stealing other people's boyfriends. So Brenda and her friends decide to plan the perfect murder. Something to go along with Brenda's perfect Halloween party. Not that they're really going to kill anybody. It's just a joke. Right? Ha. Ha.
This book was published in 1993 and this was my first time reading it. Sometimes I have this odd sense of relief when my manager hands me a Stine. There's a certain comfort in knowing exactly what you're getting into before you open the pages. Is he my favorite? No. Not even close. But he's....predictable and sometimes there's comfort in that. (Future me is laughing so hard right now.)
We begin with our copper-haired,
green-eyed protagonist Brenda Morgan being a total bitch.
Seriously. She's holding up a grotesque Halloween mask (eyeball
dripping down to chin, green gunk coming out of nose, bloody lips
with one tooth in mouth) and comparing it to her cousin Halley.
This name is going to give me fits. Do you think it's “Hal-lee”
or “Hay-lee”? Since there's no “i” in it, I'm going to go
with the first one but I bet my brain switches between the two
throughout the book in a maddening fashion. (Note from future me: It did.)
Anyway, her friends Traci Warner
and Dina Smithers (for Pete's sake, there's another one...is
it “Die-na” or “Dee-na”???) are in her room. Traci kind of
ignores her but Dina asks why she's always picking on Halley. Dina
is tall and slender with a boyish figure. She's wearing a black
catsuit, so I can only imagine that she's actually Catwoman waiting
on a distress signal in the sky because who else wears catsuits?
Were catsuits a thing in 1993? I was a senior that year and I
totally don't remember any of my fellow students walking around in
catsuits. Stine pretty much describes every outfit these girls wear for the rest of the book. You can tell he got tired though, because he'd describe two outfits and then put the third girl in sweatsuit. They wore a lot of sweatsuits.
Brenda is bitter because Halley has
taken her room and she had to move into a smaller guest room. I'm
not sure why this happened. Halley is staying with Brenda's family
temporarily because her own parents are getting a divorce and things
are ugly. Fine. But why does she get to kick poor Brenda out of her
room? Unless Brenda gave it up voluntarily, I think her parents are
dicks. And I can already tell that Brenda is not the kind of girl to give up anything voluntarily.
Dina veers away from the conversation
at hand to bemoan how awkward and ugly she is. She's boyish and too
tall and her features are too pointy. Thanks, Stine. I mean,
clearly Dina couldn't be beautiful or anything because she's not the
protagonist or the hot girl the protagonist hates and no one else is
allowed to be attractive, but couldn't she just be confident with her
own body and face at least? Girls don't need to hear other girls
saying negative things about themselves. It makes them say “Oh,
I'm tall, I must be ugly too”.
The conversation shifts from Dina's
hideousness to the Halloween party that Brenda is having soon. They
ask if she's wearing that mask and she tells them it belongs to her
brother Randy. She's sewing up a unique clown outfit for
herself. Oh, goody. Clowns. The world needs more of those.
Now the conversation shifts back to
Halley. Stine's making me a little dizzy here. Focus, man. Focus.
Brenda tells her friends that Halley is always acting like Little
Miss Perfect around her parents and then talking smack about them
behind their backs. She's particularly bothered by how Halley kisses
up to Mr Morgan to his face and then makes fun of him for being fat
behind his back. Halley is clearly a dick too. Maybe it's genetic.
Dina and Traci stick up for Halley.
They tell Brenda that Halley's going through a rough time with having
to move away from home and having her parents fight in court over who
gets to take possession of her like she's a couch or something.
Brenda knows all that. She tells her friends that she has seriously
tried to be Halley's friend but Halley is mean. She takes Brenda's
clothes, steals her school books and even flirts with her boyfriend
Ted.
Traci seizes the conversational shift
and asks Brenda if she and Ted are going to the homecoming dance.
Brenda thinks they probably will. Traci says that she and her
boyfriend Noah might make a cameo appearance but school dances
are too boring to entertain them for long. What about Dina, you ask?
Dina, of course, doesn't have a date because she's fucking ugly and
boyish. Weren't you guys listening to Stine when he told you that
before? The girl is an ogre. Why should she get a boyfriend? That
bitch Traci even jokes that Dina's too tall to date.
They're all awful. It's page 8 and I
hate everybody. Can people start dying now? Pretty please? Stine
has really outdone himself this time. He's managed to jam-pack a
fuck ton of unlikable people into 8 short pages. Someone should give
him some kind of award for this.
Dina is standing by the window and she
mentions that Halley and Ted are coming up to the house. Brenda
rushes to look and is irritated by he way that Halley is smiling at
Ted. Her friends tell her that she's overreacting and they're not wrong, but I find that telling an
overreacting person that they're overreacting rarely deescalates a
situation.
Dina suddenly remembers she's late for
work at the vet's office and dashes for the door, but Halley and Ted
come in before she can leave. Halley asks if she can borrow Brenda's
car so Ted can give her a parking lesson. This.....this sounds
incredibly dirty, Stine. Halley is apparently getting ready to take
her driving exam soon, though, and Ted has offered to help her
practice. Nice guy, that Ted. Brenda is annoyed at the entire
situation but hands her keys over. She rants about the whole thing
after Ted and Halley leave. Because it's a Stine and the chapter is
ending, Traci dramatically suggests that they should murder Halley.
Now we're with Halley....or Ted. Who
can tell? They're at the mall for her parking lesson but I swear it
sounds like she's parallel parking. What kind of mall parking lot
requires parallel parking? She taps a bumper at one point and
neither of them even get out of the car to see if she's done any
damage to the other vehicle. This book is so full of jerks. Halley
puts her hand on his arm and leans into him to bat her eyes. She
thanks him for the lesson and tells him how wonderful everyone's been
to her even if they are a little...unsophisticated. Ted is
uncomfortable and suggests she try parallel parking one more time
before going home. He moves his arm away from her and, in the
process, knocks her purse over into the floorboard. As he's helping
her pick everything up, he notices that she already has a driver's
license.
Ted confronts her about the license.
She admits that the driving lessons were a ploy to get him alone and
then she makes her move. Soon they are making out in the mall
parking lot.
Time passes. I don't know how much but
it's still before the dance. Brenda, Traci and Dina are back in
Brenda's room hanging out. Brenda is sewing her Halloween costume as they talk. She mentions
that Ted has been distracted lately and not really himself. Probably
because he's banging your cousin, Bren.
Brenda also reveals that Halley seems
to be avoiding her and any time they ARE in the same room, Halley
seems to have a smug look on her face. Brenda, you really are a
dimwit. Traci suggests again that they murder Halley and Brenda says
they should murder Ted too. Dina is worried that it will hurt their
feelings. Yeah, murder usually does. But, of course, it turns out
to be a creative writing assignment for English. They love their
English teacher but make fun of her a bit because her pants are
always too baggy. I hate all the people. All. Of. Them.
They discuss plot lines for awhile and
then Brenda suggests that they have the murder happen at a Halloween
party. That way everyone will be in costume and no one will know who
the killer is. Dina gets all freaked and says it seems too real with
Brenda's real party coming up and all. She wants to do something
different but she gets vetoed. She also suggests that they make up
fictional characters but Brenda REALLY wants to murder Halley – at
least on paper. She asks Dina why Dina is always sticking up for
Halley and Dina reminds them that she knows how Halley feels. Her
own parents went through an ugly divorce and custody battle and she
feels sorry for Halley. Brenda is ashamed of herself for not
remembering that. I'm ashamed of you too, Brenda. A true friend would remember.
Dina goes to look out the window again
and suddenly she gasps. She tries to prevent Brenda from coming to
look but is unable to do so. Brenda looks out the window and sees
Halley and Ted making out in the front seat of Ted's car parked in
Brenda's driveway. Either they are complete morons, or they wanted
to be caught. You can't carry out a secret affair in the driveway of
your girlfriend's house, Ted. This is Cheating 101. Brenda is
furious and tells her friends that she's going to murder Halley for
real.
The next morning, Brenda tries to talk
to her mother about Halley but Mrs Morgan cuts her off. She tells
Brenda to be more understanding of Halley and that they are old
enough to work their problems out themselves. Fair enough but I feel
like she should have at least heard her daughter out.
After school, Brenda tries to arrange a
writing session with Dina. Dina is headed to work but says she'll
come by after. Brenda asks her what she's wearing to the Halloween
party and Dina replies that she found a huge brown bathrobe in her
mother's closet and she's probably going to come as a monk. After
she dashes off, Brenda sees Halley and Noah down at the end of the
hallway. They look playful and flirty and Brenda worries that Halley
has moved on to stealing Traci's boyfriend now.
Noah realizes Brenda is watching them
and he comes to talk to her. He says that he and Halley were just
discussing math and it certainly isn't anything that Brenda needs to
run and tell Traci. For some reason, Brenda agrees to keep her mouth
shut. I'm torn about this. On one hand, it could have been totally
innocent and telling Traci could not only stir up trouble where there
was none, it could backfire and make Traci hate Brenda. However, not
telling could blow up in her face and make Traci hate Brenda as well.
I honestly have no idea what the right answer is here.
The evening writing session doesn't go
very well. None of the girls are very inspired and they soon decide
to give it a rest and try again the next day. Ted calls wanting to
talk to Brenda but she hangs up on him before he can say more than
that one sentence. Afterwards, she turns off her lamp and decides to
go to bed. Because it's the end of the chapter, she catches sight of
a grotesque face staring in her window at her and screams.
It's just a cardboard Halloween
decoration taped to her window. On the back is written: “See
you on Halloween.” Her
parents blow it off as a joke. Both Randy and Halley deny any
involvement but Brenda suspects Halley.
Time passes. No
idea how much. Now we're in the kitchen and Brenda, Traci and Randy
are carving Jack-o-Lanterns. Dina arrives late and looks completely
exhausted. She says she wishes she could quit her job but her family
needs the money. Suddenly the chapter ends and a gorilla stomps into
the room and grabs the carving knife menacingly.
It's just Halley in
a gorilla costume because of course it is. Sigh.
Halley asks Brenda
if she can borrow her car again. Brenda doesn't want to loan it to
her, but feels pressured because Traci and Dina are watching. She
tells Halley to take it. After Halley leaves, the three girls begin
planning their murder mystery. It's pretty boring and the ideas they
are coming up with are so bad they wouldn't even be Point Horrors.
Brenda
cuts her finger on a knife and heads upstairs for a bandage. She
notices the light is on in her room and goes to investigate. It's the
end of the chapter so she finds “See you on Halloween”
written on her wall in blood.
The next chapter
starts some time later. Traci and Brenda are discussing things over
ice cream some evening. Brenda reveals that the message was written
in real blood and her dad had wanted to call the police but didn't.
She tried to tell them that Halley was responsible but they didn't
believe her at all. Brenda is droning on when Traci suddenly gasps.
Over Brenda's shoulder, she's spotted Halley and Noah together in a
booth looking pretty cozy.
Traci
stalks over there and all Noah can say is “I was going to
call you” over and over.
Halley doesn't even look embarrassed at getting caught. Then again,
maybe she intended to get caught. She coolly replies that it was
Noah's choice to be there with her and Traci doesn't own him. Traci
tells Noah never to call her again and then she storms out.
The next afternoon
Brenda is walking home from school when Ted runs to catch up with
her. He wants to talk about the Homecoming dance. She asks him if
he's decided to come back to her since Halley is with Noah now. Ted
seems surprised to hear about Halley and Noah but not overly angry.
He tells Brenda that he really wants to start seeing her again but he
also wants to see other people too. She decides to take him back but
is upset at the idea of him seeing other girls. I predict this won't
end well.
Stine makes a huge point of telling us that anything that is said in Brenda's temporary
room can be clearly heard in the downstairs hall through the floor
vent. I'm sure that's not going to end up important to the story or
anything. {sarcasm} If I were Brenda, I'd be having my private bitch
sessions in another place. She's completely aware of the problem.
She's even used it to talk to her mom without going downstairs.
Still, she continues to badmouth Halley where she can be easily
overheard. At this point she kind of deserves whatever this brings
down.
That night Brenda,
Traci and Dina gather in Brenda's living room to discuss the
“murder”. Dina wants to change the victim's name because Brenda
and Traci are discussing Halley's murder a little too
enthusiastically and creeping her out. They refuse. They are
planning to have Halley stabbed at the Halloween party. We find out
that Traci is making herself a peacock costume so she'll be wearing
that in real life and in the story along with Dina's monk, Brenda's
clown and Halley's gorilla. They decide Dina will be the murderer
because she's the least likely suspect.
I'm not so sure
about that.
After
her friends leave, Brenda goes up to her room. She's surprised to
see that someone has put a lit candle in her jack-o-lantern. There's
an awful smell and when she goes to investigate she finds a headless
bird inside the jack-o-lantern. There's another note. “You're
next. On Halloween.” Brenda
accuses Halley but Brenda's parents seem to think it was Randy.
There's
some weird moments the next day. At school during lunch there's a
little scene where Dina appears to be into Ted. It's hard to tell.
Then afterwards at Brenda's house, Dina asks a few too many questions
about Brenda and Ted getting back together. It feels odd to me. I'm
starting to wonder if the Ted/Halley thing was a smokescreen and it's
Dina that Brenda really should be looking out for.
Halley comes in to
tell Brenda that she was involved in an accident while driving
Brenda's car. She keeps saying it wasn't her fault but admits that
she ran a stop sign. So...it WAS your fault, Halley. Running a stop
sign is the very definition of your fault. Brenda sees red and
actually attacks Halley. She has Halley down on the ground choking
her and pulling her hair when her family rushes out to separate them.
Mrs Morgan is furious with Brenda and rushes to comfort Halley. All
Brenda can think of is how much she wants to kill her cousin for
real.
We head-hop into
Dina's brain. It's the next morning before school and she's calling
Traci to report Brenda's freak out from the night before. She tells
Traci that she's extremely worried about Brenda. Traci says that
Brenda is in for more bad news because Traci saw Ted doing something
naughty the night before. Dina becomes agitated and demands that
Traci tell her what she saw. Traci finally reveals that she saw Ted
and Halley making out again. This actually shouldn't be news to
Brenda, to be honest. Ted was up front about wanting to see other
people and upfront about liking Halley.
A whole bunch of
page filler takes up most of the chapter. Brenda thinks everyone is
talking about her and acting tense around her now. The car can be
fixed. Her parents aren't on her side. Halley stays out of sight all
day. None of it is terribly interesting and I doubt any of it is
important. That night when Brenda goes to bed, she feels something
wet and lumpy underneath her. Her bed is full of rotted meat and
there's maggots everywhere, including on her.
I die.
Seriously. If I
didn't want to be done with this book so bad, I would stop reading
here. I don't do maggots, y'all. Not ever fictional ones.
Now we're at the
Homecoming Dance. It's busier than Brenda expected. She and Ted hit
the dance floor. It's loud and crowded and Brenda decides to just
close her eyes and dance. She only opens them again when a slow song
starts. She's expecting to see Ted in front of her but he's no where
to be found. He just abandoned her on the dance floor. She begins
to hunt for him although I can't really figure out why. Lose the
loser, Bren. I'd say you deserve better but you're kind of a bitch.
She finally locates
Ted making out with Halley against a wall for all the school to see.
She heads for them, but Noah gets there first. He and Ted get into a
physical altercation. The fight moves outside and into the parking
lot. Brenda screams a bunch of times for them to stop but they don't
listen to her. She keeps thinking she must be dreaming and it's
annoying to read. Halley is enjoying the whole thing. Brenda ends
up leaving and running home. She calls Traci from her room and tells
her that she wants to kill Halley for real.
Time passes. Stine
doesn't bother to tell us how much. They're all back in Brenda's
room....you know the room where everything you say can CLEARLY be
heard in the downstairs hall?? Yeah. They're discussing their plan
to really murder Halley. It's mostly the plan from their story.
They'll switch costumes so no one knows who is who and then Brenda
will stab the gorilla. It never occurs to them that there might be
more than one gorilla. Or that Halley could switch costumes either.
Dina
refuses to take part. Brenda tries to talk her into it like they're
planning to TP the neighbor's house or something and not about to
actually murder a human being. Dina won't be swayed and she leaves
the house. Brenda tells Traci that it will go better with just the
two of them anyway. Brenda plans to dress as Frankenstein to commit
the actual murder and then hide that costume down the laundry chute.
The chapter ends as
Stine tells us that Halley has been standing in the hall and has
heard every word.
Dead from surprise.
Or sarcasm.
That evening Brenda
heads to the mall to get buttons and thread from the sewing store.
While she's there, she sees Noah and Ted goofing off and laughing
together. She thinks boys are weird and wants to punch Ted in the
face and knock out his teeth. She tries to get by without them
seeing her, but Ted chases her down. He apologizes for messing up at
the dance and asks for another chance. She isn't very receptive. He
then asks if he should skip her Halloween party. She tells him he
might as well come because it's not like they'll have to spend much
time together. It will be so crowded she won't even know he's there.
Ted mentions that he doesn't have a costume and Brenda tells him to
come as Frankenstein.
As Brenda's
shopping in the deserted sewing store, she thinks about Dina and what
a shame it is that Dina won't participate in the murder. She wonders
why Dina always sticks up for Halley and if it's simply because Dina
knows how it feels to have parents divorcing. Brenda remembers how
she dropped Dina as a friend when Dina was going through all that
because she simply couldn't bear to be around her. It was just too
sad. After everything was settled, Brenda picked her back up again.
Wow. Brenda's a
dick. I really hope Dina is the bad guy here.
When Brenda gets
home she realizes that the light is on in her room. She goes up and
finds Halley. There are two entire pages of Halley saying they need
to talk and Brenda worrying about why Halley has such a tight look on
her face. It's exhausting. Finally Brenda comes in and Halley
bursts into tears. She asks Brenda if she's really been so hateful
that she deserves to be stabbed. Brenda realizes that Halley has
heard the entire plan.
Halley launches
into this long explanation about how the situation with her parent's
has really messed her head up and how hard it was to move away from
her friends and start in a new school and how insecure she's been. I
want to be understanding here, but Halley isn't exactly the most
sympathetic character. She says that Brenda always made
her feel so unwelcome that she just wanted to get back at Brenda by
taking her boyfriend. Sorry,
Halley, but you're still kind of awful. Brenda hugs her but thinks
to herself that the plan is still in action.
We head-hop over to
Dina and Traci. They're on the phone discussing whether Brenda is
really going to kill Halley. Dina thinks they should call the police
(hell, yes, you should call the police) but Traci argues that Brenda
would just deny it and there's no use. Dina thinks they should tell
Mr and Mrs Morgan (hell, yes, you should tell Mr and Mrs Morgan) but
Traci argues that they would never believe that Brenda could murder
anyone and there's no use. Oh, Point Horror. Why must you be this
way?
We hop back into
Brenda's head. She and Halley are preparing for the party. Nothing
really important happens. Just Brenda thinking about how she's going
to decorate and an end-of-the-chapter jump scare from Randy.
Now it's party
time. Stine stops referring to people by their names and starts
referring to them by their costume. Despite Dina saying she didn't want
to come, there seems to be a monk about. The party seems to be
successful. The stabbing happens but no one notices.
Time passes.
Suddenly someone screams that there's blood pooled under the
gorilla's chair. They try to get the gorilla to respond to them but
the gorilla is silent and motionless. Finally they pull off the mask
and....surprise!!! It's Brenda.
Brenda's dead.
Halley is in the
peacock costume. She says that Brenda forced her to trade and she
didn't know why. Dina screams that Traci killed the wrong girl. Why
she'd think Traci did it is beyond me. It seems like she's
deflecting suspicion, but who knows. None of this makes sense at
this point. They decide to look for Ted who is supposed to be in the
Frankenstein costume because Traci is sure that a Frankenstein
stabbed the gorilla. There are two Frankensteins at the party but
neither of them are Ted. Noah reveals that Ted is home sick with the
flu.
Then the corpse
moves.
Brenda isn't dead.
She makes everyone
but Halley, Traci and Dina leave the party and then she confronts
them. It's a short scene. Within two sentences Dina is revealed as
the bad guy. She shrieks that Brenda is supposed to be dead. Brenda
reveals that she sewed a thick pad into the costume so she wouldn't
get actually stabbed. She says that she began to suspect Dina after
the maggot incident. The meat in her bed was rotted dog food. Then
she remembered the words in animal blood on the wall and the headless
bird and knew those were all things that Dina could get easily at
work.
Brenda says that
she and Traci never really planned to kill Halley. That was just a
plan to draw Dina out and make her confess. Instead, Dina came to
the party and was standing in the hall when she overheard Halley and
Brenda changing costumes in her bedroom. Then she decided to make
Brenda pay for being a crappy friend. By, you know, killing her.
I'm so confused.
How exactly was that a plan to draw Dina out and make her confess????
In what universe does that make any sense at all? And why did Dina just happen to have a Frankenstein costume on her so that she could put it on and be the killer? If she hadn't come to the party planning to murder anyone and only seized an opportunity that presented itself after she arrived, why would she have that costume with her? Whatever, Stine.
I don't even care because I'm on the next to the last page.
Dina tries to make
a break for it but trips over a jack-o-lantern and the police arrive
just in time to nab her. But it's okay y'all because Dina is going
to “get the help she needs” and Brenda and Halley are friends
forevah.
The end.
Final
Thoughts: I don't know.
I hated everyone in this book from the 8th
page to the 185th
page. None of them ever got any better. I mean, Stine told
us that they did, but he never showed
us that they did. I did not find this book comforting at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment