Tag Line: A party like no other.....
From the Back of the Book: An invitation to death. It arrives on crisp, ivory paper, printed with elegant gold script. Sarah has been invited to the social event of the year, Cass Rockham's annual Fall Party. But Sarah knows she isn't popular or rich enough to be in Cass's circle. To Cass, she's a nobody. A loser. So why was she invited? Sarah hopes this will be a night she'll never forget. And it is. For unspeakable reasons.....
Based on the cover art, I'm guessing this book is about a party host bumping off her guests for not returning the RSVP cards? Hey, I get that. There's nothing more frustrating than people not RSVP-ing.
This book was published in 1991. I didn't read it back in the day. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've only read one book by this author prior to this. It was Funhouse and I remember liking it, so I have high hopes going into this one. Shall we see if my fragile hopes get crushed under Hoh's heel? Let's dive in.
Traditionally I start these recaps off by telling you who our protagonist is. Since Sarah's name is on the book blurb, I assumed she'd be it. Maybe she was meant to be. I'm not sure. We spend equal time with every. single. named. character. It's exhausting but we'll talk more about that as we go. At any rate, we begin the book with Cassandra who is sitting in her luxurious house contemplating stacks of luxurious envelopes and it's every bit as exciting as it sounds.
She's described as being beautiful and fashionable BUT she's wearing suede jeans, boots and a peach silk blouse so I'm not buying it. Then again, thinking back to 90's fashions, this might have been pretty chic. She's thinking about her party and about how it's always the most important social event of the year. There's something different about it this year though. Something special. She imagines with sociopathic glee, the faces of all the losers who won't be receiving invitations. I mean, this party is going to be catered and have a live band. Her parents will be in the south of France (naturally). Surely they'll be devastated to be excluded. Right? They'll be crushed, right? Cass needs this, y'all. She needs the misery and tears of the uncool to feed her soul.
Now we're with Sarah who has just received an invitation to the party. Wow, Cass's dad's secretary really got on those invites quickly. I mean, they were just sitting on the desk a second ago. Sarah is stunned she got one. She know's she not important enough to be included and she's immediately suspicious of Cass's motives. I have to say, Sarah seems much smarter than your usual Point Horror protagonist. Do we actually get a heroine with a clue? There go my hopes again, soaring high. I have only one direction to go from here. Sarah hears from her friend Ellie who also got an invite. Now Sarah really knows something sinister is going on. You see, Ellie is fat. She's fat so there's no way in hell that she could legitimately be invited anywhere. Hoh goes all out here describing what a pathetic loser Ellie is and Sarah seems to pity her friend which makes me hate Sarah a little. She tells Ellie that they were probably invited by mistake.
Almost immediately we learn that her other three friends - Shane, Maggie and Donald - were all invited too. None of them are particularly popular and none of them had ever been invited before. Maggie, Donald and Ellie are super excited. It mentions that Donald has a girlfriend named Dolly that he met while away at camp. No one has ever met her and I'm kind of doubting her existence. It sounds like the time Jan Brady made up George Glass because she was jealous of Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Sarah doesn't want to go to the party. She knows something is up with this and she doesn't want to find out what Cass's end game is. Maggie tempts her by mentioning that her crush Riley will probably be there. Riley is part of Cass's crew and too popular to have ever noticed Sarah. She thinks about him and his thick sweaters and crisp dress shirts. I'm getting chills from the sexiness of his wardrobe. She finally agrees to go to the party but she's filled with a sense of foreboding. Seriously, Hoh overdoes the feelings of foreboding through out this entire book. She rams them down our throats so we don't miss them. I'm pretty sure she thinks the people reading her books are idiots.
All of a sudden we're with Ellie. I wasn't expecting the shift in perspective and was a little confused by it at first. Little did I know that this was just my life now. Ellie is still excited about the invite and she tells her older sister Ruth about it. Ruth acts like a complete bitch and tells Ellie that there's no way in hell that Cass actually meant to invite her. She says that Cass probably meant to invite Ruth instead and messed up. When Ellie points out that the envelope clearly has her name on it and not Ruth's, Ruth get's physically violent and shoves Ellie around a little while calling her a fat cow. I feel completely sorry for Ellie here. She decides to go shopping because it's going to be next to impossible to find something that will look decent on her plain, square body. We get it already, Hoh. Ellie isn't gorgeous. Can you just drop it? You're already shoving the foreboding down our throats. If we get any more Ellie-is-pathetic rammed down there, we're going to choke.
Now we're with Shane. Shane's a girl, by the way. She just moved to town to outrun some kind of horrible scandal. Her mom isn't happy with the loser friends she's made and wants Shane to associate with a better class of people. She tells Shane that no one knows what she did in the last town so she's free to make a fresh start and be whoever she wants to be. Shane defends her friends to her mom but wonders if they would even still like her if they knew her secret. Her mom is really excited about the party invitation but Shane is reluctant.
Now we're with Donald. I guess I was wrong about Dolly being a George Glass because he's sitting there trying to decide whether to tell her about the party invite or not. He doesn't want to because she'll expect to come and she's not invited. Besides, he's totally into Maggie and NO that does not make him a complete asshole. The heart wants what it wants. Selena Gomez told me so.
Now we're with Maggie. The only thing we learn is that she's into Donald too. She barely warrants a full paragraph and I can't figure out why Hoh bothered. We immediately go back to Sarah who is thinking that it's strange that Shane wasn't more excited about the party. I wonder why Sarah thinks she would be? Shane is new to town and it's pretty doubtful that she's even heard about this party before now. Why would she be excited about going to something she knows absolutely nothing about? But Hoh wanted to shove some foreboding at us, so we had to include some shadiness about Shane here.
Can I tell you that I HATE skipping around between characters like this? It's awful. You never really get to know anyone because you're constantly changing perspectives. It's like trying to watch TV with someone who is changing the channel every 30 seconds.
We're back with Ellie now. It's party night somehow. The time line in this book is extremely hard to follow. Ellie has found the perfect dress. Somehow it makes her look attractive and Hoh makes sure we know just how miraculous this is. She's got her hair up in curlers and she's walking around in a full slip like she's 50 or something. Ruth is still being bitchy and telling Ellie that Cass will realize her mistake when Ellie arrives and she'll throw Ellie out immediately. While Ellie is in the bathroom putting on her makeup, Ruth ruins the dress by spreading nail polish over it. Ellie is devastated. Her only option is to wear some ugly dress out of her mom's closet. It makes her look even worse than usual and she's miserable but still determined to go.
We're with Donald now. Dolly is telling him that he'll regret it if he goes to the party without her. We learn that she's living on her own away from her family and working to put herself through GED classes. He keeps trying to end things with her but she gets super angry and tells him she refuses to let him break up with her. For some reason, he thinks that matters and they're still together. This one is as dumb as a post. You should duck because there's more foreboding coming your way. Dolly tells Donald that if he goes to this party he won't. have. fun. Oh noes. How will he possibly go on after that vicious and emotionally-scarring threat?
We're with Shane. Seriously, why are we doing this? Is it supposed to be building tension or something because it's only annoying. Shane is wearing a party dress, heels and carrying a clutch. And that's the only thing we learn from her section. What was the point, Hoh? What was the point?
Maggie and Sarah are together, thank God, so we get one fewer section this time. Sarah is still uneasy. It's from all the foreboding that's stuck in your throat, Sarah. Cough a few times and you'll feel better. It describes their dresses and I'm seriously thinking bad 80's prom here. What kind of party is this? Sarah's mom doesn't want her to go because it will take away from homework and violin practice but Sarah is determined to go pretty much just to stick it to her mom. She's refreshingly normal. Whether we admit it or not, we all did things at 17 just to stick it to our parents. She didn't cough up the last batch of foreboding and we're getting another handful crammed in our faces. I'm seriously worried that Sarah will die of foreboding before we ever get to this damn party.
They get to the party. The house is isolated on the top of a hill and it seems weirdly dark. When they get inside they realize that the whole house is lit by candles instead of lights. This seems like a fire hazard to me. Cass greets them (but not by name, Sarah notices astutely) and leads them to a room where a dozen or more people are just sitting silently on chairs arranged in two back-to-back rows. That's not creepy or anything. There are four empty seats and Sarah wonders why there aren't five. They notice cameras high up on the walls and assume they are part of the security system. There are closed-circuit TV's showing the live band that's playing somewhere in the house but there's no sound. So she hired a band that people can see but not actually listen to? Awesome.
Cass announces they are going to play musical chairs. This is a lame party game when you're six. Why are high school people playing this game? She has five consolation prizes so the game will be over when five people lose. Sarah is smart. She doesn't think it's a coincidence that there are five of them and five losers. Of course Ellie is the first one out because Hoh wants us to know she's the biggest loser of all the losers who ever losed. Lost. You knew what I meant. Ellie is escorted out of the room to claim her "prize". Shane is eliminated next and then Donald. Sarah notices that Cass turns the music off whenever one of them rounds the corner to make sure they'll be the ones eliminated. Maggie is eliminated and escorted away next and then Sarah loses.
We're with Ellie now. Shes being escorted somewhere outside but it's too dark to really see where she's going. They finally stop and Ellie is told to go on in and get her prize. We aren't told where "in" is. It doesn't describe anything so we don't know if it's a building or a boat or a rocket ship. Just something she can go "in". She goes inside what feels like an empty room and smells like a barn and then she's locked inside.
Shane is dragged upstairs. She notices some orange stickers hanging by the door before she's pushed inside and locked in.
Donald is taken to a closet. He also notices stickers outside the door but they are pink this time. He's locked inside as well. I'm not feeling this one. The doors are described as folding doors so I'm not entirely sure how they are locked. Also, closet doors are very flimsy things usually. Shouldn't he be able to force his way out?
Maggie is taken downstairs to some kind of narrow room and locked in.
Sarah is taken to a room on the 2nd floor and locked in.
Now that all the losers have been dealt with, Cass announces that they will be playing a new game. She pulls up the security cameras on the closed-circuit TVs and shows them pictures of her captives. Hoh is careful to mention that the pictures are zoomed in and focused only on their faces so no one can determine their locations by the background of the shot. I'm not feeling this either and I'll tell you why. They are all locked in fairly large locations with the exception of Donald in the closet. They are all described as moving around. Unless someone is sitting in a room somewhere keeping the camera zoomed in on their faces, there's no way a stationary camera is going to get a shot like this. They are simply moving around too much to stay in the frame. This is ridiculous and it totally yanked me out of the story. Anyway, the pictures cycle through all five faces kind of like we've been cycling through with all the perspectives. It's a bitchin metaphor but I'm thinking it was unintentional.
Cass tells them that they are going on a people hunt. She's giving them a set of yellow cards with clues and a set of white cards with boxes to put the different colored stickers on when they find a location. The first person back with all five stickers is going to get a huge gift certificate to the music store. Awwww. Remember music stores? Riley is disgusted by the whole idea. Several people agree with him and refuse to take part. Others are excited and grab their cards and take off. Riley accuses Cass of only inviting these people for this game. Um, duh, Riley. He decides to grab a set a cards so he can figure out where everyone is hidden and set them free.
Sarah is in a music room. There's heavy metal music being piped in and it's deafening. She's losing her mind.
Maggie is in some kind of pantry filled with food and things. She's pretty ticked off. She hears the door open and next thing she knows she is being gagged and bound with a rope. She is dragged outside and away from the house without anyone noticing. I don't know how. This party is heavily attended and not one single person notices this? She's taken to a garage and shoved inside a car. The door and window handles have been removed. The attacker starts the car and then leaves Maggie alone in the shut-up garage to die of carbon monoxide. On the TV inside, a black screen is showing where Maggie's face used to be but no one notices.
Sarah proves that she completely doesn't belong in a Point Horror by opening the lock to her room with a credit card. Doesn't she know our heroines are supposed to do stupid thing after stupid thing and wait for someone to rescue them? Who does she think she is anyway? She leaves the room and vows to track down her friends.
Ellie thinks she's being punished because her dress is so awful and she's so ugly. The door opens and someone appears and tells her that the game is over and Cass wants to reward her for being such a good sport. She willingly and happily follows the stranger out. Now her screen on the TV also shows nothing but black.
Someone at the part finally notices that there are only two faces on the screen now. We're told that three of the screens are now black. BULLTURD. Okay, even if the mystery person is doing something to the screen when he/she removes the people from the rooms that makes the picture black, Sarah ESCAPED. The mystery person never showed up in her room. There's no reason her screen should be black. It should be showing an effing empty room. Hoh, what are you doing to us? I believed in you. But back to it, Cass tells everyone that the cameras are simply malfunctioning and not to worry about it.
Riley is pulling a muscle trying to decipher the clues. He just can't, y'all. They are TOO HARD. These clues are impossible and it's hopeless and we might as well give up now.
Donald is sitting in his closet wondering if Dolly is behind all this. I mean, she lives in a different town and she doesn't know Cass or where Cass lives or the layout of the house or anything, but it MUST be her because she told him he wouldn't have any fun if he went without her. I'm thinking that Donald and Riley both have more than their fair share of the dumb here.
Sarah mingles with the golden people for a bit and hears about the hunt. She sees Donald and Shane on the screen and thinks it's hilarious that no one recognizes her as one of the people they are supposed to be hunting. She sees that Ellie and Maggie seem to be gone and hopes they escaped too. She finds a set of cards and the clues seem easy enough but she doesn't know anything about the house and can't begin to figure out how to locate her friends and set them free. Then she sees Riley sitting nearby staring at his cards. She walks up behind him and reads his clue over his shoulder. This is the clue, guys. The one our boy genius can't figure out.
"Just hangin' around.
Tie-in' one on.
Creasin' my pants.
Losin' my shirt.
Shoe-in' everyone away."
First of all, what a dumb clue. It's just stupid. Yuck. Second of all, Riley must have the IQ of a carrot because it's obviously A CLOSET. Sarah tells him the answer and somehow refrains from calling him a dumbass. I'm not sure I could have done the same. Actually I know I can't. Riley, you're a dumbass. Sarah asks him for help finding her friends and he assures her that it had been his plan all along. They head upstairs to check the closets.
Donald hears someone hammering at his door. Someone comes in, throws a black cloth over the camera and then hits him over the head. He feels himself being lifted and then everything goes black.
Shane is starting to panic pretty hard. She beats on the door until her hands are swollen and screams until she can't scream anymore but no one hears her. She curls into a little ball and shakes.
Maggie is still alive in the car. She also proves that she's too smart to be a Point Horror heroine by hooking the gag on the turn signal and removing it. WHO ARE THESE GIRLS AND HOW DID THEY GET IN ONE OF THESE STORIES?!?!?!?
Sarah and Riley get to the closet but it's empty. The black cloth over the camera has a note attached to it that reads "Chill out, guys" and they both get annoyed that there seems to be a game within a game going on. Me too, guys. Me too.
Maggie tries to turn off the car by looking for the key in the ignition but there isn't one. The car has been hot-wired.
Shane discovers a cat in her room but it isn't very friendly. It keeps hissing at her but she keeps trying to pet it anyway. No means no, Shane. Finally the poor cat scratches the hell out of Shane's hand to get Shane to leave it alone.
Riley and Sarah are on the second clue. "A loaf of bread and a jug of wine." They assume it refers to the kitchen and head there.
I'm sure you've noticed how little recap there is between perspective shifts. It's because there's actually very little story between switches. We're switching fast and furious now. It doesn't build tension. It just makes you feel like you've been running and you can't catch up.
Maggie isn't feeling too hot and she knows time is running out. She decides her only hope is to drive the car through the wall. She begins to search for the gear shift.
The catering staff won't let Riley and Sarah into the kitchen so they move on to the next clue. "To carry the sleigh". Sarah says it's a reference to a song and it refers to horses. Riley knows where the stables are and they head outside.
Maggie manages to shift the car into gear with her feet and then she punches the gas. The car breaks through the wall and into a field. Maggie bashes her head against the steering wheel and is knocked out.
Sarah and Riley hear the crash and head to check it out.
Ellie is led to a small building in the woods and pushed inside. She's locked in again.
Riley and Sarah find Maggie and break the windshield to get her out. She tells them what happened. Cass shows up and is royally pissed that Maggie broke her garage and her dad's jag. Riley wants to call the police and the paramedics but Maggie and Sarah decide it's more important to find their friends first. Well, that's pretty Point Horror-ish of them. And they were doing so well. Sigh. They take Maggie inside and leave her resting on a couch. Sure hope the bad guy doesn't find her again. Riley pauses to flirt a little with Sarah because it's the perfect time for that. Instead of continuing to the stables as they were doing before, Riley decides they should look at the other clues first. A random girl comes up and asks what they're doing. They tell her the loaf of bread clue and she tells them that it's probably the basement pantry. They recognize that as the place Maggie was hidden and she's obviously not there anymore, but instead of going to the next clue to find one of the people still missing, they decide that the best thing to do is to go to the empty room and check it out. Ooooookay.
Shane is bleeding from her cat attack and generally feeling sorry for herself. She thinks none of this should be happening because she didn't do anything wrong. This time anyway.
Riley, Sarah and the random find a note in the pantry that says "What a gas, man." and they figure out it's a reference to the garage. It dawns on them that the "Chill out guys" note is also a clue. The random tells them that there is a giant walk-in freezer down there. She's handy to have around, this random. The door is locked. Sarah tracks down Cass and screams at her until Cass gives her a key. They find Donald in the freezer. Finally Sarah decides it's a good idea to call the paramedics and she goes upstairs to do that. Before she can pick up the phone it rings and someone else answers it. A woman in on the line trying to reach her kid "Dane" to tell her that Lynn is after her. They wonder if Lynn Loomis, aka angry football player, is on the rampage again. Sarah briefly wonders if the message could have been for Shane and wonders how Shane knows Lynn Loomis. This is a weird place where Lynn is a boy's name and Shane is a girl's name. Yes, I know Lynn used to be a common male name but it's not at this point.
Sarah calls 911 and asks for an ambulance. Donald tells them his Dolly theory. They leave Donald with Maggie. Everyone is just kind of standing around when the random reminds Sarah about her other friends. Get it together, Sarah.
Ellie is locked in the sauna. She believes Ruth is the culprit and it makes even less sense than the Dolly theory.
Riley says he should go to the stables alone while Sarah and the random check out the last clue. Wait. Why is it the last one? There should be a clue for Sarah and one for Shane besides the clue for the stable which was Ellie. I'm not feeling good about Riley going to the stables alone. There's probably a secondary clue in there for the sauna and Riley was too dumb to figure out the effing closet clue by himself earlier. Ellie is toast. Pretty much literally.
The next clue is "onward and upward" and the random tells them there's an attic. Wow, she's helpful. Riley kisses Sarah for luck, because this is TOTALLY the time for making out, and they part ways.
Sure enough, Riley finds a clue in the stables that says "Don't sweat it, man". Miraculously he figures it out. Some of Sarah must have gotten into his brain from that kiss. He remembers that Cass's mom built a sauna out in the woods. He doesn't know which path to take. Where's that random when you truly need her? He questions people he finds wandering around outside until he thinks he's narrowed down the correct path.
Shane is feeling super sorry for herself. She thinks she is being punished for her past sin and that she's been abandoned by all her friends. Suddenly the door is opened and she's all horrified by the person who appears.
Riley finds Ellie in the sauna and exerts great effort to get her mammoth body out into the cool air. I hate you, Hoh.
The person who has showed up in Shane's room is Lynn. Lynn was part of the mysterious scandal in the previous town and is angry and bitter that Shane moved away and left Lynn to deal with it alone. I'm pretty sure that this "scandal" is going to turn out to be something dumb like shoplifting sweaters at the mall or something. There's been so much build up around this event that I just know it's going to be ridiculous. There are no identifying pronouns being used for Lynn. I'm guessing we're supposed to believe that it's the football player. Yeah, right. If it's the football player I will eat my shoe. Lynn and Shane hear sirens arrive.
Riley flags down the medics for Ellie and tells them about Maggie and Donald inside. He then convinces Donald and Maggie to go to the hospital with Ellie. Cass bitches that Riley and the five losers have completely ruined her party. Riley calls the police and Cass tells everyone they had better go home.
Lynn is finally assigned a pronoun and she is a she. I knew it. Sure enough the horrific scandal is an attempted shoplifting at the mall. Sigh. It was a $5000 ring and not a sweater but still. All this drama for an attempted shoplifting. There's a flashback and it's just as stupid as you'd expect. It's Lynn's idea but Shane goes along with it. After they're caught, Lynn blames Shane. They get probation but the entire town turns on them. Shane leaves in disgrace. Lynn is forced to move out of her house and find a crap place of her own. It sounds kind of like Dolly's story and I'm wondering if Dolly is really Lynn in disguise.
P.S. Why is it taking so long for Sarah and that random to get up to the attic. Is Cass's house 50 stories high? Did they get lost on the stairs? I mean, Riley went to the stables, found the sauna, rescued Ellie, talked to the paramedics, convinced Maggie and Donald to go to the hospital AND called the police and Sarah still hasn't made it to the damn attic???
Shane is trying to stall for time and keep Lynn talking. Lynn tells Shane that she killed all her friends and Shane is horrified. Lynn tells her how she set all this up. She's been in town 2 weeks. She heard about the party around town and assumed Shane and her friends would be there. Pretty amazing since Shane and her friends didn't expect to be there at all. Lynn came in with the caterers and took the house tour with them so she knew where everything was. She came across the cards for the party and figured out all the locations and the plan was born. BULLTURD. How the eff did she know that Cass would rig the musical chairs game to put Shane and her friends in the rooms??? She couldn't have known that. She couldn't have effing known that the hiding places were for people at all!!! How in the eff did she know which room Shane was in to save her for last??? She couldn't have. What the absolute eff, Hoh? My hopes are officially crushed under your heel like a cockroach. This is just another stupid Point Horror book after all. I'm going to go cry now.
Riley and Cass head up to the attic. Along the way, Sarah staggers out of a room. She says she was hit over the head and just now woke up. She thinks they should look for the random because the random could be hurt too. Cass says she doesn't know who Sarah is talking about and the random was not a party guest at all.
Back in the attic, Lynn has a knife. When Sarah, Riley and Cass bust in, she puts the knife to Shane's neck. It turns out Lynn was the random. Damn. I actually didn't see that coming at all. Lynn tells them Shane is nothing but a thief and they're all shocked. There's a small balcony and Lynn has pre-removed the guard rail. Her plan is to drag Shane out there because Shane gets dizzy with heights and will probably fall to her death. Sarah looks around and sees an antique dart board. She creeps toward it. Lynn drags Shane toward the balcony. Sarah creeps to the dart board. Lynn drags. Sarah creeps. This goes on FOREVER. It's painful to read. Finally Sarah throws a dart and it hits Lynn in the knife hand and makes her drop the knife. Riley dives to save Shane. Lynn is so shocked she goes off the balcony.
Cass looks outside at Lynn's smashed body being surrounded by police officers down below and says she might never throw a party again. And then it ends. It just ends. Right there. Done.
Guys, this book. Sigh. I have such mixed feelings about this book. I hated the perspective shifts. There were too many and it didn't allow us to really get to know any of the characters. The whole plot hinged on impossible things. That sucks. But Maggie and Sarah were two of the smartest Point Horror characters I've ever met. I mean, Maggie was like Conor smart and I've never said that before. Conor has always been the only likable character in any of these books and now I have to add Maggie to the list. That alone made me give this book 3 stars on GoodReads but without her it would have been a 1 star book all the way. My final verdict is that I'm glad I read it for Maggie but it had unforgivably enormous fundamental problems with the plot.
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